Parental alienation involves the systematic and frequently repeated denigration of one parent by the other and blocking of access to the parent who is the target of denigration. This is not just a simple and occasional comment such as “mommy can be so annoying sometimes” or “it is frustrating that daddy doesn’t keep his schedule”. While those comments are inappropriate in front of children as they tend to make children anxious and feel like they might have to take sides, infrequent comments like these probably do not constitute parental alienation.
In addition to making frequent denigrating remarks about the other parent in front of the children, alienating parents often also push their children to join in the alienation. They also often interfere in custody exchanges and visitations, frequently in violation of court orders, because they do not want the children to spend time with the other parent.
Parental alienation is a form of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse against children. Alienating parents are child abusers.
The term “Parental Alienation Syndome” (PAS) refers to a hotly-debated psychological condition that happens to children as a result of being exposed to parental alienation. In such cases, the affected children will join in making denigrating comments about the target parent, refuse to spend time with the target parent, display irrational hostility towards the target parent and even attempt to directly harm the target parent and his or her property. Whether PAS is a real syndrome or not is for some reason a vigorously debated question.
The debate about “Parental Alienation Syndrome” being real seems to stem mostly from parties who refuse to accept that women and mothers are also prone to child abuse and will intentionally use false accusations against men and fathers. It is not uncommon for alienating parents to falsely accuse the target parent of child abuse. They use this as a tactic to gain more allies to rally against the target parent and to block access of the target parent to the children. This thinking process may be due to parents, often females, feeling threatened by the increasing practice of split custody of children between parents and refusal to accept such split custody.
Alienating parents will often attempt to gain or retain 100% custody by vilifying the target parent. The excuse often used for this is that the target parent is a child abuser. In many cases, perhaps even most, this assertion is false. Even if they are not entirely false, they may be so disproportionate that they are distortions that do not represent reality. For instance, many parents will yell or grab at a child for misbehaving in a dangerous or aggressive fashion, particularly if the behavior is putting themselves and others in harms way. An alienating parent may take such appropriate yelling or grabbing and twist them into claims the target parent is beating the children and is a child abuser. In many ways, this is very much like the “distortion campaign” practiced by many victims of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). So it should come as no surprise that parents who suffer from BPD are also prone to demonstrate parental alienation behaviors.
Although not all alienating parents are mentally ill, there seems to be a common pattern of parental alienation practiced by many parents who suffer from personality disorders, especially the DSM-IV Axis II Cluster B personality disorders. There are many educated assessments and studies that indicate a significant connection between child abuse and how abused children develop mental illnesses which may continue on into adulthood and result in the abused children becoming child abusers themselves.
The bottom line is that if you are alienating your children against their other parent, you are psychologically and emotionally abusing your children. You must stop your alienating activities and learn to show your children that they can love their other parent and you will support this. This doesn’t require you to love your ex, but it does require you to not spout hatred against your ex in front of your children. Further, making positive comments about your ex in front of the children goes a long way towards avoiding parental alienation, even if you occasionally slip and make a denigrating comment.
Our Recent Parental Alienation Articles
Search our archive
- Parents Who Kill Kids Often Enraged To Murder By Courts And Governments
- What Will Happen To The Children Of Gordon And Tiffany Smith?
- Mildly Alienating Parents Can Sometimes Be Helped To Stop Abuse, Steps You Can Take To Help Your Kids
- Alienated Moms Have It Bad Due to NOW's Support of Child Abuse
- Summers And Holidays Are Seasons of Elevated Child Custody Conflict With A Psycho Ex
- Treatment of Depression and Anxiety from High Conflict Divorce and Child Custody Battles Using Antidepressants and Benzodiazepines Is Risky
- How and Why Psycho Parents Manipulate Kids to Resist Custody Exchanges
- "I Want The Litigation To End" May Be A Warning You Are Being Manipulated By A Sociopath
- Judge Diane E. Gibbons Confirms Herself An Enemy of Free Speech and Supporter of Abuse By Silencing The Psycho Ex Wife Website
- Review of Dr. Warshak's Parental Alienation DVD "Welcome Back Pluto"
- On MLK Day, Remember to Use Nonviolent Resistance Against America's Family Law and CPS Systems
- San Diego Superior Court Seeks New Grand Jury For 2011 / 2012
- Leon Koziol Files US Civil Rights Lawsuit Against New York Courts and Government Officials
- Dr. Richard Warshak Launches "Plutoverse" Parental Alienation Blog
- Southern California Parental Alienation Conference on November 13, 2010
- San Diego Custody Evaluators Generate Cash Flow by Victimizing Families Using Restraining Orders
- Amnesty International Betrays Public By Hiding Human Rights Abuses and Sexism in Sweden
- Dr. Amy Baker On Parental Alienation, PAS, and Helping Your Kids Resist Both
- American Parents, Family Policy, and Courts Contribute to Poor Student Performance
- Telling Your Nasty Ex About BPD or NPD May Hurt You
- Borderline Personality Disorder and Parental Alienation Involve Similar Abusive Behaviors
- How Sociopathic Parents Use Police Reports for Defamation
- Daddy Justice Movie Preview
- Alleged Medical Fraud in La Mesa, California, by Stowe BioTherapy Selling "Stem Cell Cure" for ALS
- Singapore Schools and Courts Enable Parental Alienation Child Abuse
- ACFC Supporters Get Discount on New York Parental Alienation Conference
- Ben Vonderheide Exposes Pennsylvania's Abusive Child Profiteering Racket
- Will Mass Media Build Awareness and Opposition to State-Sponsored Child Abuse?
- Escaping Sociopathic Abuse Almost Impossible When Children Are Involved
- Extreme BPD / NPD Behaviors Are Internally Triggered
- Seeking Your Input on Child Exchanges and Visitations
- Why Damon Moelter Is Being Abused
- PDA Spam Attack on Shrink4Men Hints at Cyberwarfare Style Distortion Campaigns
- Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome to be held in New York in October 2010
- Stopping Parental Alienation Requires Family Court Reforms
- Tonya Craft's Ex, Parental Alienator Joal Henke, Shows Kids Will Lie About Sexual Abuse To Hurt Target Parent
- Breastfeeding Used As An Excuse To Keep Babies Away From Fathers
- Relationships and Divorces with Someone Who Suffers Borderline Personality Disorder
- Judge Lorna Alksne On The Way Out After Home Picketed
- Child Custody Tactic: Faking Separation Anxiety via Child Abuse
- Counteracting Tactics for Interfering With Custody and Visitation
- Moms Discredit Themselves by Denying Parental Alienation
- California AB 2475 To Strip Immunity from Custody Evaluators
- San Diego Lawyer Jeffrey Fritz Increases Conflict and Costs
- CCFC Family Law Protest in San Diego Results in Arrest of Group Leader
- CCFC Protests San Diego Family Courts on April 15, 2010
- Save Our Families Rally in Chicago, Illinois
- Co-parenting With A Sociopath (Borderline, Narcissist, etc.)
- Eric Moelter Speaks Against Cindy Dumas Distortion Campaign
- Proposal for DSM-5 to Include Parental Alienation Disorder
- Personality Disordered Abusers in Family Law Courts
- Personality Disordered Abusers in Psychological Evaluations
- US Warns Japan Over Shielding Parental Child Abductors
- Parental Alienation Can Happen to Adults and In Marriages
- Judge Lorna Alksne in Cindy Dumas v. Eric Moelter
- Dr. Warshak Discusses Parental Alienation on 20/20 Tonight
- Alienating Grandparents Hurts Grandchildren
- Eileen Lasher on San Diego CPS/Family Law Court Misconduct
- Borderline Mom: Emotional Self Defense for Children
- Are Sarah Palin and Family Serial Parental Alienators?
- 1 in 4 Children of Divorce Suffer Parental Alienation Syndrome
- False Child Porn Persecution: The Child Custody Scenario
- Abusive Women "Acceptable" By Double Standards
- Gun Collection + Malicious Mom + Government = Life in Ruins
- Father Imprisoned 20 Years on Fake Child Sex Abuse Charges
- Defending Against False Child Sexual Abuse Allegations (Part 1)
- Recovering from Personality Disordered Abusive Relationships
- Ashley Gonis to Return to Montreal, Placed in Foster Care
- More Debate Over California AB 612 Parental Alienation Bill
- How to Win Custody by Framing Your Ex for Child Sexual Abuse
- Canadian Parental Alienation Court Cases
- Alienating Mother Ordered to Pay $286,641.75 in Fines and Fees
- Araceli Bravo Arrested for Abducting Daughter Ashley Gonis
- Republicans Fail to Offer Family-Friendly Policy Choices
- Abducted Ashley Gonis Still Can't See Her Father
- Pandering Anti-Family Politicians Abuse Children and Fathers
- Beall's Attempt to Support Child Abuse is Defanged
- California Democrat Jim Beall Supports Child Abuse
- Book Review: "A Promise To Ourselves" by Alec Baldwin
- MMPI-2 Can Reveal Parental Alienators
- Parent Custody Blog
- The Gregory Mantell Show: Parental Alienation Syndrome
- Throwaway Parents
- Richard Smulczewski Parental Alienation Case
- Jayne Major: Common Questions About Parental Alienation
- RationShed: Equal Parenting Blog/News Site
- Alec Baldwin on Parental Alienation Syndrome
- Dr. Phil: "Brainwashed by My Parents" and UK Parental Alienation Syndrome Video
- Parental Alienation Book For Middle School Kids: "I Don't Want to Choose!"
- Loads of Info on Parental Alienation
- Parental Alienation Awareness Day on April 25, 2009
- Custody Dispute Involves Child in Alleged Murder Attempt on Father's Family By Mother Toni Valentin, Boyfriend Dante Quezada
- Swearing Means You're a Bad Parent?
- False Sexual Abuse Allegations in Child Custody Disputes
- High-Conflict Divorces
- Minnesota Reviews Child Custody Laws
- Court Awards Sole Custody to Father Due to Mother's Parental Alienation
- What is the Cost of BPD to Society?
- Overcoming Parental Alienation
- BPD Distortion Campaigns
Parental Alienation Articles from Other Web Sites
Building Awareness of Parental Alienation
If you’d like to let others know about parental alienation, here are some shirts and mugs that could help do the job.