How to Win Custody by Framing Your Ex for Child Sexual AbuseWritten by: John Welch Print This Article
Use of Our Content (Reposting and Quoting)
This article discusses how malicious mothers can frame fathers for child sexual abuse. It is based upon real cases. Malicious moms sometimes share this kind of information to help each other abuse their children and frame the fathers. Other times they or friends or family aligned with them work out these tactics on their own, especially if they have medical backgrounds. The first step to figuring out how to defend against this kind of malicious false accusation and the child abuse involved is knowing how these crimes are committed.
Fathers At Higher Risk
It’s in theory possible for a malicious dad to frame his ex-wife similarly, but in practice it is much more difficult to do. Mothers are given the benefit of the doubt beyond all reason. As an example of this, CPS agencies often leave children with drug-abusing dangerous mothers, even when a caring and competent father is available. Fathers are simply regarded as guilty by accusation by many people, especially for crime as appalling as child sexual abuse. Therefore this discussion will focus on the mother framing the father for child sexual abuse.
Intent of Article
I’m not writing this article to encourage anybody to commit these crimes. Instead, the intent is to show how what happens when malicious parents are willing to sacrifice the well-being of their children to use them as pawns in a battle with an ex-spouse. Fathers in particular need to be aware of the dangers so they will be alert to them and can protect themselves and their children. Most people don’t know how twisted and destructive a malicious mom can become during a child custody battle. Even her ex-husband may not have a clue how vicious she will get in her quest for sole custody, vengeance, money, and perhaps most importantly power over the children and her ex-husband.
Another reason for this article is to collect some feedback on how to defend against and preferably prevent these kinds of abuses and false allegations. After reading this article, you may realize that it is difficult to prevent or defend against this kind of abuse as the types of behaviors involved go far outside the normal expectations reasonable parents would have of their children’s other parent. Even if you are 100% justified in your suspicion of your ex-wife doing this and she really is doing it, if you say anything about it the result may be giving further ammunition to her which she will use to harm you and your children. That’s because few people outside a relatively small community of forensic psychologists and child abuse experts understand how real these problems are.
If you have ideas how to defend against these tactics or know of other abuse/false accusation tactics, please leave a comment at the end of the article.
You Cannot Be Too Paranoid of a Malicious Mom
It is very important that you realize that a malicious mom will potentially do all of the things mentioned in this article, even though they include child abuse, perjury, false accusations, and child sexual assault. The malicious mom thinks that her goals of “protecting” her children from her evil ex and hurting him are worth whatever “minor harm” the children will suffer in order to attaining her goals. It is “the ends justify the means” thinking.
If you doubt that a malicious mother would do these things to a child to win sole custody and/or “punish” her ex-husband, consider the case of Emily McDonald who allegedly intentionally risked her baby’s life by repeatedly contaminating her feeding tube with fecal matter. Her apparent goal was to get attention for herself. She allegedly was willing to risk her child’s life to do it. None of the illegal and abusive actions discussed below are nearly as risky to the life of a child as putting fecal matter in a feeding tube of a hospitalized 3 year old. Nor are any of these tactics as likely to be detected. Placing covert surveillance cameras was an action the hospital took to catch her. But placing covert surveillance in the home of the malicious mom is generally not something that can be done legally without reasonable suspicion of the malicious mom sufficient to obtain court orders to take such actions. By the time there is reasonable suspicion of her, it’s usually too late as her tactics to frame the father have been executed and likely will have worked.
As Illinois family law attorney Michael Roe has said about Borderline Personality Disorder victims in child custody battles, if you think you are paranoid then you are not paranoid enough. This is not to say that all of them will go to these extremes. A litmus test is that those parents with Axis II Cluster B personality disorders or behaviors like them who are in denial about having a problem are at much higher risk of behaving like this. Parents with ex-spouses who fall into this group must be prepared for the unimaginable to have the best chance of defending their children and themselves.
If you’ve been on the receiving end of the types of false allegations in this section and have children with your ex, watch out! It’s a sign of things to come. Unless your ex gets slapped silly by the courts for making false accusations and committing perjury, it’s not likely such allegations will stop. The more they are rewarded with tossing you into periods of supervised visitations, no contact with the kids, child support payments, and other benefits to the mother, the more she will use such tactics. When they aren’t as effective as she wants, she will likely escalate further to get the results she wants to achieve.
Malicious mothers like those who would abuse children as discussed below are as a rule mentally ill. Their illnesses likely include a personality disorder that allows themselves to think they are above the law, that their needs are paramount, and that makes it hard for them to separate their needs from the children’s needs. Such personality disorders often are the result of abusive or neglectful childhoods, and such childhoods may have provided these mothers with ample examples of how to abuse children and lowered their inhibitions to doing so.
Pretend You’re A Malicious Mom
It’s time to put on your witch wig and present you’re a vindictive mentally ill mother bent on destroying your ex-husband and obtaining sole legal custody and sole physical custody. You’re likely strongly driven by deep-seated personality issues such as from a personality disorder. You may have been abused as a child yourself, so you’re at least somewhat comfortable with the idea of hurting kids because that’s what your parents and/or caregivers did to you. You may regard child abuse as normal behavior. But as you know that it might get you in trouble, you’ve likely started your battle against your ex-husband via other means.
Initial False Allegations
You’ve tried falsely alleging physical abuse going back many years. But inconveniently, you weren’t believed because there was never any evidence of physical injury and therapists going back years reported that until recently you never complained about domestic violence being a problem. So it looks like you are trying to frame your ex-husband for domestic violence. As an increasing number of judges know that women may be more violent than men and use false allegations like these to bolster child custody cases, the hurdles you must jump are higher than they used to be. Still, it was a good first try because it creates doubt about your ex-husband as many people still wrongly believe that as a rule men are abusers and women are victims.
You tried alleging that your ex is psychotic because he’s taking psychiatric medications, something you caused by your abuse of him that has caused his depression, anxiety, and sleep disorders. But the medicines are typical, and nobody else claims to have seen the psychotic behaviors you claim he exhibits. So your claims that he’s a violent psychotic weren’t believed, either. But again, your allegations raised doubts about his psychological health, so they may still help you long-term.
False Domestic Violence and Mental Health Allegations Failed, Now What?
You’re now stuck sharing joint custody with your ex-husband, something you despise as you hate him with all your heart and soul. What’s a desperate sociopathic mother to do to keep her young children from seeing their father again?
Frame your ex-husband for child sexual abuse!
Due to pervasive sexist attitudes in American society, men are assumed to be guilty whenever accused of child sexual abuse. It is difficult for them to prove innocence because there are usually no witnesses and little to no physical evidence. Furthermore, CPS social workers, police officers, medical professionals, and judges will enthusiastically help you commit the crimes discussed herein and to not only get away with them, but to have your ex-husband punished for them instead of you.
Here’s a step-by-step guide how to do it based upon real-life experiences of women who have successfully yanked custody of babies away from ex-husbands by committing child abuse and then falsely accusing the ex-husband of child sexual abuse. The women who have the best chances of pulling this off have small children under the age of about six or seven years old.
Poison the Doctors
Start by complaining to your children’s doctors that your ex-husband is a vile, abusive, horrible man who does not care about the children and threatens you, files false CPS reports on you, and is making your life hell. Make sure to talk about this every visit.
Take the kids to the doctor’s office frequently stating that your ex is complaining about some medical problem that you can show the doctor isn’t there. Make these doctor visits frequent, too, at least a few times per month. Call the doctor or nurse once in a while to report more problems and drive home the defamation and get them to take your side. It’s going to take a few months for this to really work well, so keep at it.
Agitate Your Ex-Husband
Keep your ex-husband on edge. Make sure you call him late at night and make it hard for him to sleep. Early on when you can be reasonably sure that he’s not recording phone calls and there are no witnesses, insult him and matter-of-factly talk about him abusing you and tell him he’s a bad father and that he will lose custody of the children because of it. This will make him upset. You can use this against him because he will start to talk negatively about you. If you’re lucky, you might even be able to get him riled up enough that he’s upset at you for even calling him. If so, then you can use family or friends as witnesses to how when you call him to talk about the kids, he’s rude and nasty and abusive towards you. That’s part of your evidence that he’s an abusive harassing person. You abused him, he acted in the way most people would, and you can use it against him.
If you can’t do this in person or on the phone, have your lawyer do similar things for you. It will agitate him and keep him off-balance and likely worsen the damage you already caused by your abuse against him. All of this helps victimize him further. Your lawyer will gladly do this because you’re paying him and he doesn’t really care about your children anyway, just about getting paid either in cash or services from you.
Scald the Baby
Next, you must start abusing your children in carefully controlled ways.
If you have a baby who can’t speak, scald the baby’s bottom in hot water shortly before turning over the baby to your ex. Make sure nobody else, including older children, are around to witness it. An ideal time to do this is when older kids are in school not long before you pick them up for a child custody exchange. Given that judges seldom allow babies to be in their father’s custody for more than a couple of days at a time, the scalding symptoms won’t get bad until it’s too late for him to do anything about it because he has to return the baby to you.
If he’s a responsible father, he will of course get concerned and start asking you about why the baby is having a rash as he won’t likely suspect you of scalding the baby. You can tell him that he doesn’t change diapers well and it is his fault. You’ll have the baby back in your control for a few days when the symptoms get the worst with peeling skin. Don’t take the baby to the doctor’s office during this time as the scalding might be discovered. The scalding will make your baby more susceptible to skin infections, rashes, and other skin irritations. This is extremely helpful, as explained next.
Cause Infections and Rashes in Private Areas
Now it is time to systematically cause infections and rashes in your children’s private areas. You can cause these by many means. Some of the easiest ones are by using any typical kind of bubble soap and by changing diapers and using diaper creams in a certain way.
Bubble baths contain toxic and hazardous chemicals that irritate skin. (For instance, see this MSDS on a common bubble soap product for kids.) They are fun for kids, too, so you can easily ensure that your children are in extended contact with skin irritants and don’t mind. Rinse off their bodies well except for their bottoms and groins. This makes them prone to red, itchy, uncomfortable skin conditions in embarrassing locations associated with sexual contact and urinary and defecation functions. The kids won’t suspect a thing. Alternatively, if your children are still in diapers, you can use the bubble soap with the diapers to get a similar effect. When you change diapers, apply small amounts of bubble soap directly to child’s skin or on the diaper itself and leave it there to cause irritation.
If you’ve got a child in diapers, in the day or two before you turn over the child to your ex, change the way you do diaper changes so you can cause the baby to develop skin infections while with the father. During the last couple of diaper changes before you turn over the baby, do a really good job cleaning up the baby’s skin. Then gently smear a small amount of fecal matter all over the baby’s bottom. Make sure it’s not obvious and doesn’t smell. Then seal it up with Desitin or another diaper cream. Make sure you do not use antifungal or antibiotic creams for this purpose! When you turn over the baby to your ex, there won’t be anything immediately evident as a problem. Skin infections will start to develop while the baby is in your ex’s custody. Red areas indicate fungal infections. Pustules indicate bacterial infections. He’ll notice these, especially if he’s a good father, and will want to help the children. You will make sure that will be his undoing.
Defame Your Ex Everywhere You Can
Keep telling him that he’s incompetent, that he doesn’t wash his tub often enough, and doesn’t know how to change diapers. Make these comments to everybody who will listen to them. Complain about the kid’s health problems and how he doesn’t know how to take care of the kids and doesn’t care about them. Be sure to talk about these things matter-of-factly, and don’t sound too irate about it. This is more effective than appearing really angry. People will start to put down your ex for you, sympathize with you, and ask how they can help. That you are simply lying doesn’t matter, for lies are the way to control other people to do what you want them to do.
Your ex will be asking often why the children are having health problems. If he’s doing this over the phone, each and every time is an opportunity to accuse him of harassing you and being threatening and intimidating on the phone. That will piss him off some more, helping you to keep him agitated, off-balance, and hostile so you can use it as evidence against him.
Using Older Children to Paint Ex-Husband as Child Sexual Abuser
If the children are old enough to speak, they may complain to him about why it hurts when they urinate or defecate and he’s going to take a look to try to figure out what’s wrong. If they are in diapers, he’s going to notice the infections and try to figure out what’s going on. So you know have caused your ex to start looking and touching your kids’ private areas. You have children as witnesses. These are key points for next you are going to distort these actions to make him appear to be a child sexual abuser.
If you have multiple children, doing this may be made much easier. The older children who can speak will see their father looking at the skin infections and rashes and applying creams and other things in the private areas. When they are asked by incompetent and/or biased CPS social workers, therapists, and police about whether their father touches them or their siblings “down there”, they will give answers that can be spun to confirm your ex-husband is a sexual abuser.
Coaching the Kids
You can help this process along by teaching the children to be uncomfortable about what their father is doing. Start to negatively distort all of this to your children, reacting with disgusting looks on your face when they answer your questions about daddy looking at and probing their private areas. Teach them suspicious sounding language by asking them questions such as “why does daddy rub you between the legs?” Get them to say and talk about such things. Ask them questions about what daddy is wearing when he’s doing this. Talk about how he sometimes doesn’t wear any clothes, that he takes showers, and that they should go into the bathroom and look to see if they can find his penis. Ask about this enough and your children will start to talk about how daddy doesn’t wear any clothes when he’s rubbing them between the legs and that they’ve seen his penis. Ask them if it bothers them, and react with surprise if it does not. Talk about how it should bother them, that he’s a bad man, and that he is hurting them by touching them and showing himself to them. Tell them to tell him to stop hurting them. Keep discussing such things for several weeks until you’ve created a reaction in them that is negative and uncomfortable when they speak about this. Encourage them by your facial expressions and words to blame daddy for doing things that make them uncomfortable.
The children talking about this and sounding uncomfortable will win over doctors, CPS social workers, and police to your side. Take the kids to the doctor’s office, and start talking about how your ex-husband keeps talking about rashes and infections in their private areas and that you’re worried he is sexually abusing them because he seems so obsessed. As mandatory child abuse reporters, the doctors will report your ex-husband to the police or CPS. As you have won them over to your side by badmouthing your ex-husband for months and acting concerned about the impact he’s having on the kids, they will negatively portray your ex-husband to the police or CPS.
There will now be people working for the government who will start investigating your ex-husband for child abuse. When they questions your children and they talk as you have taught them to do, this will “substantiate” child sexual abuse. They will suspend his custody of the children pending further investigation. They may even brainwash the children to implant false memories to help your cause as their aim is not to find the truth, it is to “help” children by persecuting and prosecuting somebody, preferably a man. For an example of how they do this, read about Alicia Wade and her CPS-assigned “therapist” Kathleen Goodfriend who after a year of brainwashing forced her to falsely implicate her father in a child sexual assault against her.
Committing Sexual Abuse to Frame Your Ex-Husband
If you haven’t gotten your ex-husband’s custody yanked yet, you at least have caused a substantial number of people to regard him with disdain and suspicion.
If he doesn’t disappear, give up, or roll over, then you can take it to the next stage. You can sexually molest your child in a way that will get him arrested and give you sole custody. This works best with non-verbal babies.
The basis for this tactic is that you’ve made him very susceptible to false child sexual abuse allegations. After months of your systematic defamation, you have created plausible suspicions about him, gotten the doctors on your side, and have CPS social workers and police who are already biased against men nibbling or even eating up everything you and your children say as evidence against your ex-husband.
Start to get some idea of when your ex-husband has time alone with the kids. You can probe them for information to do this. Ask them about when they are alone with daddy, where they sleep, and so forth. When you figure out when he has some time alone with one of the children before a custody exchange, plan to get that child alone. When you have gotten that child alone one day, such as when you can have the older children napping or at school or a friend’s house, then you molest the child. It’s easy with girls as you can violate them physically with an object to produce genital injuries which you can then present at a doctor’s office and ask about why your baby is bleeding from her privates.
With boys, it may be a little more difficult to get this effect, but not much. You simply need to start talking about how your ex is weird and talked a lot about little boys when you were making love with him. Talk about how that was disturbing and disgusting to you. When it comes time to sexually abuse your son to frame your ex-husband, you’ll just aim for a “different hole” with your abuse tools. I think you get the point. If you don’t, think about what real child sex molesting priests did to their victims and act like one of them.
After sexually assaulting your baby, give the baby a bath to wash away any evidence that might contradict your story and then change the baby into freshly washed clothes. Make sure you throw the clothes he or she was wearing into the washing machine, add soap, and start it before you leave your home. Then take the child to the doctor’s not long after the custody exchange, preferably the next morning after you are reasonably sure your ex-husband would have woken up and taken a shower and gone to work. Talk about how the child just came back from the father the evening before and you gave the child a bath and noticed bleeding and are worried that something is wrong. DO NOT TALK ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE! You can complain about your ex-husband not understanding how to care for the children, but don’t suggest he’s committed any crimes or abused them.
The doctor will do an exam and find evidence of sexual assault. Let the ignorant and naive doctor think he or she has discovered signs of sexual abuse and that you never suggested such a thing. That you manipulated the doctor into believing your lies must stay your secret. When the “discovery” of the injuries is mentioned, first act like you didn’t hear correctly. Then act shocked and revolted, moving towards upset and angry. “Who would do such a thing to my baby?” might be a good phrase to use. Even though you sexually assaulted your baby, everybody else will assume that it was your ex-husband who sexually assaulted the baby as you’ve already planted the seeds in their minds and watered them for months. Your ex-husband will have had a shower, so there’s plausible reason that there’s no evidence on him. The baby’s clothes that might have had evidence on them are in the washing machine, now clean, so any evidence there was also erased. He’s screwed!
Because of the picture you’ve painted of your ex-husband and your willingness to go all the way with sexually assaulting your own child, his custody will certainly be suspended now. Your baby won’t remember the sexual assault you committed by the time he or she can speak.
Backup Plan: Frame Another Person in Your Household
If by some reason your ex-husband is teflon-coated and can’t be framed, you need a backup plan to ensure that you are not blamed for the child abuse even though you are the real child abuser. One method to achieve this is to have a roommate or other member of your household who is a plausible target for accusations. This person should have time to spend alone with the children. You can talk the person into babysitting or providing childcare to accomplish this. Ideally, the person should also have a history of some criminal or drug problems, and perhaps also some mental health problems. If you carefully time the child abuse you inflict on your children to make both your ex-husband and this other household member plausible culprits, it helps to create plausible deniability for the abuses you commit as you have somebody else to blame them on besides your ex-husband.
Congratulations! You Won By Victimizing Your Own Children!
Now that you’ve framed your ex-husband and won sole custody, you’ve achieved a big victory! You have badly damaged your ex-husband who now likely has to hire a criminal attorney. This further strains his finances and gives you a financial edge over him because you are only paying for your family law attorney. The taxpayers are paying for the government workers who are now harassing him relentlessly. He likely will lose his job, lose his friends, and become a pariah. His family may turn on him, too, especially if you were able to manipulate them into suspecting he’s got violence or mental health problems. He is going to be stressed out, which will cause him more psychological problems and enable you to further portray him as an unfit parent. There’s also a good chance he’s going to be arrested and thrown in jail, something you’re undoubtedly hoping will happen as it will block him from seeing the children for a long time.
Defending Against Malicious Moms
As you can see, it is not so difficult for a malicious mother to frame a good father for child sexual abuse. By the time the malicious mother drives the final nail in his coffin, it is likely too late for him to defend himself without going broke on legal fees as his entire life collapses into ruins. Even if he somehow manages to wriggle out of the trap, he will be so psychologically and financially devastated and plastered with a bad reputation that the malicious mother will likely get sole legal and physical custody and he will be marginalized to supervised visitation or no contact at all. His only escape from the ruination may be to disappear and change identities, but that leaves the children with a sociopathic mother who is likely to be unable to raise the children without creating psychological disorders in them, too.
Defending against these tactics is very difficult, especially because much of it will likely be played out before the ex-husband has an idea of what is going on with the false accusations. In future postings, I will explain some methods to defend against the abusive tactic of framing a father for child sexual abuse. If you’ve got thoughts on this, please leave a comment.
One excellent book on the topic of defending against false child sexual abuse allegations is Dean Tong’s book Elusive Innocence: Survival Guide for the Falsely Accused. It’s highly recommended for any parent fighting false abuse allegations and/or parental alienation.
Description of “Ellusive Innocence”
Elusive Innocence assists parents wrongly accused of abuse and their attorneys, as well as child protective investigators during their intake assessments. From actual case studies including the authors, to chapters on the accused, accuser, alleged child victim and agencies; to a detailed roadmap on how-to counter unfounded and false child abuse and/or domestic violence allegations; to Borderline Personality Disorder and Parental Alienation Syndrome; and to sections on how-to choose the right lawyer, Daubert v. Frye, and “Consistent With What, Exactly?” Elusive Innocence is the all-in-one handbook every defense attorney, therapist, social worker, teacher, parent, and police officer should read.
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