How to Win Custody by Framing Your Ex for Child Sexual Abuse

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This article discusses how malicious mothers can frame fathers for child sexual abuse. It is based upon real cases. Malicious moms sometimes share this kind of information to help each other abuse their children and frame the fathers. Other times they or friends or family aligned with them work out these tactics on their own, especially if they have medical backgrounds. The first step to figuring out how to defend against this kind of malicious false accusation and the child abuse involved is knowing how these crimes are committed.

Fathers At Higher Risk

It’s in theory possible for a malicious dad to frame his ex-wife similarly, but in practice it is much more difficult to do. Mothers are given the benefit of the doubt beyond all reason. As an example of this, CPS agencies often leave children with drug-abusing dangerous mothers, even when a caring and competent father is available. Fathers are simply regarded as guilty by accusation by many people, especially for crime as appalling as child sexual abuse. Therefore this discussion will focus on the mother framing the father for child sexual abuse.

Intent of Article

I’m not writing this article to encourage anybody to commit these crimes. Instead, the intent is to show how what happens when malicious parents are willing to sacrifice the well-being of their children to use them as pawns in a battle with an ex-spouse. Fathers in particular need to be aware of the dangers so they will be alert to them and can protect themselves and their children. Most people don’t know how twisted and destructive a malicious mom can become during a child custody battle. Even her ex-husband may not have a clue how vicious she will get in her quest for sole custody, vengeance, money, and perhaps most importantly power over the children and her ex-husband.

Another reason for this article is to collect some feedback on how to defend against and preferably prevent these kinds of abuses and false allegations. After reading this article, you may realize that it is difficult to prevent or defend against this kind of abuse as the types of behaviors involved go far outside the normal expectations reasonable parents would have of their children’s other parent. Even if you are 100% justified in your suspicion of your ex-wife doing this and she really is doing it, if you say anything about it the result may be giving further ammunition to her which she will use to harm you and your children. That’s because few people outside a relatively small community of forensic psychologists and child abuse experts understand how real these problems are.

If you have ideas how to defend against these tactics or know of other abuse/false accusation tactics, please leave a comment at the end of the article.

You Cannot Be Too Paranoid of a Malicious Mom

It is very important that you realize that a malicious mom will potentially do all of the things mentioned in this article, even though they include child abuse, perjury, false accusations, and child sexual assault. The malicious mom thinks that her goals of “protecting” her children from her evil ex and hurting him are worth whatever “minor harm” the children will suffer in order to attaining her goals. It is “the ends justify the means” thinking.

If you doubt that a malicious mother would do these things to a child to win sole custody and/or “punish” her ex-husband, consider the case of Emily McDonald who allegedly intentionally risked her baby’s life by repeatedly contaminating her feeding tube with fecal matter. Her apparent goal was to get attention for herself. She allegedly was willing to risk her child’s life to do it. None of the illegal and abusive actions discussed below are nearly as risky to the life of a child as putting fecal matter in a feeding tube of a hospitalized 3 year old. Nor are any of these tactics as likely to be detected. Placing covert surveillance cameras was an action the hospital took to catch her. But placing covert surveillance in the home of the malicious mom is generally not something that can be done legally without reasonable suspicion of the malicious mom sufficient to obtain court orders to take such actions. By the time there is reasonable suspicion of her, it’s usually too late as her tactics to frame the father have been executed and likely will have worked.

As Illinois family law attorney Michael Roe has said about Borderline Personality Disorder victims in child custody battles, if you think you are paranoid then you are not paranoid enough. This is not to say that all of them will go to these extremes. A litmus test is that those parents with Axis II Cluster B personality disorders or behaviors like them who are in denial about having a problem are at much higher risk of behaving like this. Parents with ex-spouses who fall into this group must be prepared for the unimaginable to have the best chance of defending their children and themselves.

Warning Signs

If you’ve been on the receiving end of the types of false allegations in this section and have children with your ex, watch out! It’s a sign of things to come. Unless your ex gets slapped silly by the courts for making false accusations and committing perjury, it’s not likely such allegations will stop. The more they are rewarded with tossing you into periods of supervised visitations, no contact with the kids, child support payments, and other benefits to the mother, the more she will use such tactics. When they aren’t as effective as she wants, she will likely escalate further to get the results she wants to achieve.

Malicious mothers like those who would abuse children as discussed below are as a rule mentally ill. Their illnesses likely include a personality disorder that allows themselves to think they are above the law, that their needs are paramount, and that makes it hard for them to separate their needs from the children’s needs. Such personality disorders often are the result of abusive or neglectful childhoods, and such childhoods may have provided these mothers with ample examples of how to abuse children and lowered their inhibitions to doing so.

Pretend You’re A Malicious Mom

It’s time to put on your witch wig and present you’re a vindictive mentally ill mother bent on destroying your ex-husband and obtaining sole legal custody and sole physical custody. You’re likely strongly driven by deep-seated personality issues such as from a personality disorder. You may have been abused as a child yourself, so you’re at least somewhat comfortable with the idea of hurting kids because that’s what your parents and/or caregivers did to you. You may regard child abuse as normal behavior. But as you know that it might get you in trouble, you’ve likely started your battle against your ex-husband via other means.

Initial False Allegations

You’ve tried falsely alleging physical abuse going back many years. But inconveniently, you weren’t believed because there was never any evidence of physical injury and therapists going back years reported that until recently you never complained about domestic violence being a problem. So it looks like you are trying to frame your ex-husband for domestic violence. As an increasing number of judges know that women may be more violent than men and use false allegations like these to bolster child custody cases, the hurdles you must jump are higher than they used to be. Still, it was a good first try because it creates doubt about your ex-husband as many people still wrongly believe that as a rule men are abusers and women are victims.

You tried alleging that your ex is psychotic because he’s taking psychiatric medications, something you caused by your abuse of him that has caused his depression, anxiety, and sleep disorders. But the medicines are typical, and nobody else claims to have seen the psychotic behaviors you claim he exhibits. So your claims that he’s a violent psychotic weren’t believed, either. But again, your allegations raised doubts about his psychological health, so they may still help you long-term.

False Domestic Violence and Mental Health Allegations Failed, Now What?

You’re now stuck sharing joint custody with your ex-husband, something you despise as you hate him with all your heart and soul. What’s a desperate sociopathic mother to do to keep her young children from seeing their father again?

Frame your ex-husband for child sexual abuse!

Due to pervasive sexist attitudes in American society, men are assumed to be guilty whenever accused of child sexual abuse. It is difficult for them to prove innocence because there are usually no witnesses and little to no physical evidence. Furthermore, CPS social workers, police officers, medical professionals, and judges will enthusiastically help you commit the crimes discussed herein and to not only get away with them, but to have your ex-husband punished for them instead of you.

Here’s a step-by-step guide how to do it based upon real-life experiences of women who have successfully yanked custody of babies away from ex-husbands by committing child abuse and then falsely accusing the ex-husband of child sexual abuse. The women who have the best chances of pulling this off have small children under the age of about six or seven years old.

Poison the Doctors

Start by complaining to your children’s doctors that your ex-husband is a vile, abusive, horrible man who does not care about the children and threatens you, files false CPS reports on you, and is making your life hell. Make sure to talk about this every visit.

Take the kids to the doctor’s office frequently stating that your ex is complaining about some medical problem that you can show the doctor isn’t there. Make these doctor visits frequent, too, at least a few times per month. Call the doctor or nurse once in a while to report more problems and drive home the defamation and get them to take your side. It’s going to take a few months for this to really work well, so keep at it.

Agitate Your Ex-Husband

Keep your ex-husband on edge. Make sure you call him late at night and make it hard for him to sleep. Early on when you can be reasonably sure that he’s not recording phone calls and there are no witnesses, insult him and matter-of-factly talk about him abusing you and tell him he’s a bad father and that he will lose custody of the children because of it. This will make him upset. You can use this against him because he will start to talk negatively about you. If you’re lucky, you might even be able to get him riled up enough that he’s upset at you for even calling him. If so, then you can use family or friends as witnesses to how when you call him to talk about the kids, he’s rude and nasty and abusive towards you. That’s part of your evidence that he’s an abusive harassing person. You abused him, he acted in the way most people would, and you can use it against him.

If you can’t do this in person or on the phone, have your lawyer do similar things for you. It will agitate him and keep him off-balance and likely worsen the damage you already caused by your abuse against him. All of this helps victimize him further. Your lawyer will gladly do this because you’re paying him and he doesn’t really care about your children anyway, just about getting paid either in cash or services from you.

Scald the Baby

Next, you must start abusing your children in carefully controlled ways.

If you have a baby who can’t speak, scald the baby’s bottom in hot water shortly before turning over the baby to your ex. Make sure nobody else, including older children, are around to witness it. An ideal time to do this is when older kids are in school not long before you pick them up for a child custody exchange. Given that judges seldom allow babies to be in their father’s custody for more than a couple of days at a time, the scalding symptoms won’t get bad until it’s too late for him to do anything about it because he has to return the baby to you.

If he’s a responsible father, he will of course get concerned and start asking you about why the baby is having a rash as he won’t likely suspect you of scalding the baby. You can tell him that he doesn’t change diapers well and it is his fault. You’ll have the baby back in your control for a few days when the symptoms get the worst with peeling skin. Don’t take the baby to the doctor’s office during this time as the scalding might be discovered. The scalding will make your baby more susceptible to skin infections, rashes, and other skin irritations. This is extremely helpful, as explained next.

Cause Infections and Rashes in Private Areas

Now it is time to systematically cause infections and rashes in your children’s private areas. You can cause these by many means. Some of the easiest ones are by using any typical kind of bubble soap and by changing diapers and using diaper creams in a certain way.

Bubble baths contain toxic and hazardous chemicals that irritate skin. (For instance, see this MSDS on a common bubble soap product for kids.) They are fun for kids, too, so you can easily ensure that your children are in extended contact with skin irritants and don’t mind. Rinse off their bodies well except for their bottoms and groins. This makes them prone to red, itchy, uncomfortable skin conditions in embarrassing locations associated with sexual contact and urinary and defecation functions. The kids won’t suspect a thing. Alternatively, if your children are still in diapers, you can use the bubble soap with the diapers to get a similar effect. When you change diapers, apply small amounts of bubble soap directly to child’s skin or on the diaper itself and leave it there to cause irritation.

If you’ve got a child in diapers, in the day or two before you turn over the child to your ex, change the way you do diaper changes so you can cause the baby to develop skin infections while with the father. During the last couple of diaper changes before you turn over the baby, do a really good job cleaning up the baby’s skin. Then gently smear a small amount of fecal matter all over the baby’s bottom. Make sure it’s not obvious and doesn’t smell. Then seal it up with Desitin or another diaper cream. Make sure you do not use antifungal or antibiotic creams for this purpose! When you turn over the baby to your ex, there won’t be anything immediately evident as a problem. Skin infections will start to develop while the baby is in your ex’s custody. Red areas indicate fungal infections. Pustules indicate bacterial infections. He’ll notice these, especially if he’s a good father, and will want to help the children. You will make sure that will be his undoing.

Defame Your Ex Everywhere You Can

Keep telling him that he’s incompetent, that he doesn’t wash his tub often enough, and doesn’t know how to change diapers. Make these comments to everybody who will listen to them. Complain about the kid’s health problems and how he doesn’t know how to take care of the kids and doesn’t care about them. Be sure to talk about these things matter-of-factly, and don’t sound too irate about it. This is more effective than appearing really angry. People will start to put down your ex for you, sympathize with you, and ask how they can help. That you are simply lying doesn’t matter, for lies are the way to control other people to do what you want them to do.

Your ex will be asking often why the children are having health problems. If he’s doing this over the phone, each and every time is an opportunity to accuse him of harassing you and being threatening and intimidating on the phone. That will piss him off some more, helping you to keep him agitated, off-balance, and hostile so you can use it as evidence against him.

Using Older Children to Paint Ex-Husband as Child Sexual Abuser

If the children are old enough to speak, they may complain to him about why it hurts when they urinate or defecate and he’s going to take a look to try to figure out what’s wrong. If they are in diapers, he’s going to notice the infections and try to figure out what’s going on. So you know have caused your ex to start looking and touching your kids’ private areas. You have children as witnesses. These are key points for next you are going to distort these actions to make him appear to be a child sexual abuser.

If you have multiple children, doing this may be made much easier. The older children who can speak will see their father looking at the skin infections and rashes and applying creams and other things in the private areas. When they are asked by incompetent and/or biased CPS social workers, therapists, and police about whether their father touches them or their siblings “down there”, they will give answers that can be spun to confirm your ex-husband is a sexual abuser.

Coaching the Kids

You can help this process along by teaching the children to be uncomfortable about what their father is doing. Start to negatively distort all of this to your children, reacting with disgusting looks on your face when they answer your questions about daddy looking at and probing their private areas. Teach them suspicious sounding language by asking them questions such as “why does daddy rub you between the legs?” Get them to say and talk about such things. Ask them questions about what daddy is wearing when he’s doing this. Talk about how he sometimes doesn’t wear any clothes, that he takes showers, and that they should go into the bathroom and look to see if they can find his penis. Ask about this enough and your children will start to talk about how daddy doesn’t wear any clothes when he’s rubbing them between the legs and that they’ve seen his penis. Ask them if it bothers them, and react with surprise if it does not. Talk about how it should bother them, that he’s a bad man, and that he is hurting them by touching them and showing himself to them. Tell them to tell him to stop hurting them. Keep discussing such things for several weeks until you’ve created a reaction in them that is negative and uncomfortable when they speak about this. Encourage them by your facial expressions and words to blame daddy for doing things that make them uncomfortable.

The children talking about this and sounding uncomfortable will win over doctors, CPS social workers, and police to your side. Take the kids to the doctor’s office, and start talking about how your ex-husband keeps talking about rashes and infections in their private areas and that you’re worried he is sexually abusing them because he seems so obsessed. As mandatory child abuse reporters, the doctors will report your ex-husband to the police or CPS. As you have won them over to your side by badmouthing your ex-husband for months and acting concerned about the impact he’s having on the kids, they will negatively portray your ex-husband to the police or CPS.

There will now be people working for the government who will start investigating your ex-husband for child abuse. When they questions your children and they talk as you have taught them to do, this will “substantiate” child sexual abuse. They will suspend his custody of the children pending further investigation. They may even brainwash the children to implant false memories to help your cause as their aim is not to find the truth, it is to “help” children by persecuting and prosecuting somebody, preferably a man. For an example of how they do this, read about Alicia Wade and her CPS-assigned “therapist” Kathleen Goodfriend who after a year of brainwashing forced her to falsely implicate her father in a child sexual assault against her.

Committing Sexual Abuse to Frame Your Ex-Husband

If you haven’t gotten your ex-husband’s custody yanked yet, you at least have caused a substantial number of people to regard him with disdain and suspicion.

If he doesn’t disappear, give up, or roll over, then you can take it to the next stage. You can sexually molest your child in a way that will get him arrested and give you sole custody. This works best with non-verbal babies.

The basis for this tactic is that you’ve made him very susceptible to false child sexual abuse allegations. After months of your systematic defamation, you have created plausible suspicions about him, gotten the doctors on your side, and have CPS social workers and police who are already biased against men nibbling or even eating up everything you and your children say as evidence against your ex-husband.

Start to get some idea of when your ex-husband has time alone with the kids. You can probe them for information to do this. Ask them about when they are alone with daddy, where they sleep, and so forth. When you figure out when he has some time alone with one of the children before a custody exchange, plan to get that child alone. When you have gotten that child alone one day, such as when you can have the older children napping or at school or a friend’s house, then you molest the child. It’s easy with girls as you can violate them physically with an object to produce genital injuries which you can then present at a doctor’s office and ask about why your baby is bleeding from her privates.

With boys, it may be a little more difficult to get this effect, but not much. You simply need to start talking about how your ex is weird and talked a lot about little boys when you were making love with him. Talk about how that was disturbing and disgusting to you. When it comes time to sexually abuse your son to frame your ex-husband, you’ll just aim for a “different hole” with your abuse tools. I think you get the point. If you don’t, think about what real child sex molesting priests did to their victims and act like one of them.

After sexually assaulting your baby, give the baby a bath to wash away any evidence that might contradict your story and then change the baby into freshly washed clothes. Make sure you throw the clothes he or she was wearing into the washing machine, add soap, and start it before you leave your home. Then take the child to the doctor’s not long after the custody exchange, preferably the next morning after you are reasonably sure your ex-husband would have woken up and taken a shower and gone to work. Talk about how the child just came back from the father the evening before and you gave the child a bath and noticed bleeding and are worried that something is wrong. DO NOT TALK ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE! You can complain about your ex-husband not understanding how to care for the children, but don’t suggest he’s committed any crimes or abused them.

The doctor will do an exam and find evidence of sexual assault. Let the ignorant and naive doctor think he or she has discovered signs of sexual abuse and that you never suggested such a thing. That you manipulated the doctor into believing your lies must stay your secret. When the “discovery” of the injuries is mentioned, first act like you didn’t hear correctly. Then act shocked and revolted, moving towards upset and angry. “Who would do such a thing to my baby?” might be a good phrase to use. Even though you sexually assaulted your baby, everybody else will assume that it was your ex-husband who sexually assaulted the baby as you’ve already planted the seeds in their minds and watered them for months. Your ex-husband will have had a shower, so there’s plausible reason that there’s no evidence on him. The baby’s clothes that might have had evidence on them are in the washing machine, now clean, so any evidence there was also erased. He’s screwed!

Because of the picture you’ve painted of your ex-husband and your willingness to go all the way with sexually assaulting your own child, his custody will certainly be suspended now. Your baby won’t remember the sexual assault you committed by the time he or she can speak.

Backup Plan: Frame Another Person in Your Household

If by some reason your ex-husband is teflon-coated and can’t be framed, you need a backup plan to ensure that you are not blamed for the child abuse even though you are the real child abuser. One method to achieve this is to have a roommate or other member of your household who is a plausible target for accusations. This person should have time to spend alone with the children. You can talk the person into babysitting or providing childcare to accomplish this. Ideally, the person should also have a history of some criminal or drug problems, and perhaps also some mental health problems. If you carefully time the child abuse you inflict on your children to make both your ex-husband and this other household member plausible culprits, it helps to create plausible deniability for the abuses you commit as you have somebody else to blame them on besides your ex-husband.

Congratulations! You Won By Victimizing Your Own Children!

Now that you’ve framed your ex-husband and won sole custody, you’ve achieved a big victory! You have badly damaged your ex-husband who now likely has to hire a criminal attorney. This further strains his finances and gives you a financial edge over him because you are only paying for your family law attorney. The taxpayers are paying for the government workers who are now harassing him relentlessly. He likely will lose his job, lose his friends, and become a pariah. His family may turn on him, too, especially if you were able to manipulate them into suspecting he’s got violence or mental health problems. He is going to be stressed out, which will cause him more psychological problems and enable you to further portray him as an unfit parent. There’s also a good chance he’s going to be arrested and thrown in jail, something you’re undoubtedly hoping will happen as it will block him from seeing the children for a long time.

Defending Against Malicious Moms

As you can see, it is not so difficult for a malicious mother to frame a good father for child sexual abuse. By the time the malicious mother drives the final nail in his coffin, it is likely too late for him to defend himself without going broke on legal fees as his entire life collapses into ruins. Even if he somehow manages to wriggle out of the trap, he will be so psychologically and financially devastated and plastered with a bad reputation that the malicious mother will likely get sole legal and physical custody and he will be marginalized to supervised visitation or no contact at all. His only escape from the ruination may be to disappear and change identities, but that leaves the children with a sociopathic mother who is likely to be unable to raise the children without creating psychological disorders in them, too.

Defending against these tactics is very difficult, especially because much of it will likely be played out before the ex-husband has an idea of what is going on with the false accusations. In future postings, I will explain some methods to defend against the abusive tactic of framing a father for child sexual abuse. If you’ve got thoughts on this, please leave a comment.

One excellent book on the topic of defending against false child sexual abuse allegations is Dean Tong’s book Elusive Innocence: Survival Guide for the Falsely Accused. It’s highly recommended for any parent fighting false abuse allegations and/or parental alienation.

Description of “Ellusive Innocence”

Elusive Innocence assists parents wrongly accused of abuse and their attorneys, as well as child protective investigators during their intake assessments. From actual case studies including the authors, to chapters on the accused, accuser, alleged child victim and agencies; to a detailed roadmap on how-to counter unfounded and false child abuse and/or domestic violence allegations; to Borderline Personality Disorder and Parental Alienation Syndrome; and to sections on how-to choose the right lawyer, Daubert v. Frye, and “Consistent With What, Exactly?” Elusive Innocence is the all-in-one handbook every defense attorney, therapist, social worker, teacher, parent, and police officer should read.

Further Reading

Defending Against False Child Sexual Abuse Allegations (Part 1)

Bad Mom Feeds 3 Year Old Her Own Feces from Diapers

False Sexual Abuse Allegations in Child Custody Disputes

Man Falsely Convicted of Child Sexual Abuse Awarded $2 Million from New York State

Santa Clara County False Child Sex Abuse Scandal

Female Sex Offenders Escape Detection Due to Sexism

Breaking Mental Illness, Violence, Divorce, and Murder Cycles

US Baby Care Products Contain Carcinogens

Torture of the Wade Family by San Diego CPS

BPD Distortion Campaigns

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  1. aaaa
    July 7th, 2009 at 00:22 | #1

    Dear Creep

    My estranged broke my neck and back durring one of atleast two kidnappings he was found to have committed.

    Continuing his kidnappings for extortion, anytime I went to court he had be beaten and our two son’s.

    HOSPITAL REPORTS MEAN MORE THAN YOU CRAP LIE THAT IT IS MADE UP. SOME SICK PEOPLE CONCIDER DIVORCE WAR. Like my X he used his military training admitted to stalking, dug a 3″ x 6″ hole, after purchasing a house on the same road. I have pictures, medical records even his attorney was concerned.

    THIS CRAP IS REAL, WHY DON’T YOU TRY TO STOP THE VIOLENCE INSTEAD OF SELLING IT AS DO IT THEN JUST TRY TO CLAIM THAT IT’S FAKE.

    YOU COULD BE CONSTRUED AS INCITING VIOLENCE.

  2. Rodney
    July 7th, 2009 at 02:13 | #2

    aaaa,

    That 3″ by 6″ hole must have taken a couple of minutes to dig! Wow! Was he planning to bury a dead mouse?

    Even if you cleaned up your atrocious writing, your claimed experience doesn’t invalidate the experiences of many people (men and women) who have been falsely accused of domestic violence and child abuse during a divorce.

  3. July 9th, 2009 at 10:53 | #3

    I could have hardly written a better article about the vicious capabilities for a parent to engage in the most insidious form of child abuse than this one spells out. But there is more. There are groups organized that even enjoy 501 c 3 tax exempt status for calling themselves child advocates but who patently reject that Parental alienation exists and who are blatantly sexist. One is Justice for Children, the one that took my precious daughter from me, 18 years ago. Today at 23 she still cannot speak with me, apparently having been so indoctrinated to hate me. These evil, confused groups should be removed form the family courtrooms. I am here to help. Please contact me if you need it. I have been in the devil’s den and survived.

  4. Veronica
    December 7th, 2009 at 21:08 | #4

    This article is good in the sense that it exposes crazy women, but it is horrible in the sense that if a crazy, desperate woman got the web address she would have all the tools to wreak havoc on her ex. I am about to marry a man who is an absolutely amazing dad, and he is in a custody fight with a GAL assigned. We were both recently accused (by the ex) of child abuse – sexual and physical. She has no evidence but I feel if she were to read the information on this website, she may feel it ‘necessary’ to abuse the child and gain ‘evidence’ of abuse. Please, please remove all instructional information – or at least reword it to be less informative. These women do not need any help.

  5. John Welch
    December 8th, 2009 at 03:08 | #5

    Veronica,

    Thanks for your feedback.

    Hiding the methods crazy parents use to criminally obtain 100% child custody simply leaves a lot of not-so-crazy parents completely unprepared. If you’re not an abusive nut, then unless you’ve seen what methods parents use to falsely obtain custody, you’re not likely to think of how deceitful and manipulative they can be.

    It would be terrific to prevent such crazy parents from playing the nuclear option by performing child abuse and falsely accusing the ex of sexual abuse. But it appears they usually come up with these cruel abuses completely on their own or derive them from modifications of plots in other sources such as movies, TV shows, and books. So there’s no realistic way of “prevention” by hiding information.

    “Prevention by hiding information” is very much like the failed concept of “security by obscurity” that used to be popular in computer programming. In the past, much computer security relied upon keeping certain information poorly documented and hard to find. But when you have people who are bent on causing problems and are smart, this “security by obscurity” principal quickly breaks down. It turns out security is better ensured by publishing loopholes and bad programming practices so that the professionals will quit using these shortcuts and do a better job.

    Many mentally ill people are very smart but are completely disconnected from any ethical system that is remotely beneficent to others. These people will find and use any obscure means to harm others for their own benefit. They are more likely to get away with it when other people do not know what methods they can use.

    Consequently, I’m in favor of widely disclosing the methods of false child abuse accusers. By doing so, the general public will be aware that these are the kinds of things mentally ill parents do to kids and their sane parents during divorces and custody battles.

    Further, the general public must be educated to be intelligently skeptical of claims of child abuse. While child abuse is a rampant problem, very often (especially in child custody battles) the mentally ill abusers are the ones claiming there is child abuse by the other parent with such emotional intensity that people are convinced they are telling the truth. Often their friend, coworkers, and acquaintances believe their false allegations in part because it’s unseemly and uncomfortable to question what they are saying.

    It’s also important to realize that statistical evidence backs the conclusion that a very large percentage, perhaps even a majority, of child abuse is committed by women. This is at odds with inaccurate popular culture views of child abuse and domestic violence. That violence by women is dismissed as unlikely thereby enables far more abuse to be hidden away than would be the case if most people had an objective understanding of the facts. Anybody can be violent and abusive. Women are no exception and never have been. Because of sexist misconceptions, they are more likely to hide and continue abuse than men. By the way, I by no means intend to convey the impression that many women are child abusers. Child abusers are a small percentage of both genders.

    As for why abusive parents acts this way, mental illness is a huge problem in America and is often (perhaps almost always) the root of child abuse and vicious custody battles. It’s my opinion that the only real hope for preventing these tragic problems is widespread public education of how widespread child abuse is, how child abuse is a generational problem in which the abused often become abusers, and that it is very easy (especially for people who have child abuse induced mental illnesses) to frame innocent people for child abuse by the use of false allegations. That’s in large part because Americans tend to presume guilt before innocence when it comes to child abuse allegations, especially sexual abuse allegations.

    I believe this is part because of the extreme social stigma that has been associated with sexual abuse. Far too many people would rather bury a hatchet in the back of the accused to make others know they don’t approve of such behavior than to accord them lawful due process. Essentially, the more horrific the allegations, the more outraged people will act to make themselves look like the “good guys.” Ironically, they are often creating more damage and harm by their actions. The do-gooders become evil-doers because of their complete lack of insight into the facts and their intent on “looking good” at the expense of flushing the civil rights of the accused down the toilet.

    As I see it, there’s really no good way to widely publicize how mentally ill destructive parents can use false sexual abuse and other abuse allegations while hiding the means and methods.

    Maybe you can use this article to educate the people in your community and family about what your fiance’s ex is doing to him and you?

    Sincerely,
    John

  6. Mags
    April 2nd, 2010 at 09:17 | #6

    This is the most disturbing thing I ever read!!! What is with people. To abuse a child to get what you want!!! Who is the victim here!! Children!! Shame on you for thinking of such things. This is so vile! What mother could burn their babies?? F$&@&n sick

  7. April 7th, 2010 at 01:56 | #7

    Mags,

    We’d just like to be clear here that the ideas here are based upon actual behaviors from real malicious mothers. They are definitely child abuse, but manipulative parents are often rewarded with increased child custody and allies to harm the target parent when they use such ploys to deceive others.

    While those of us who have experienced such things are familiar with them, it is often difficult for those who have not seen this done to themselves or somebody they highly trust to understand how destructively convincing such child abuse can be.

    Your “What mother could burn their babies?” reaction is common among people who are not familiar with how axis II personality disordered abusers behave. This common reaction explains in part why a borderline or narcissist can abuse a child, lie about what happened, badly damage the falsely accused parent, and “win” custody and money (lawyer’s fees, child support, etc.) for having done so.

  8. Grams
    May 23rd, 2010 at 14:34 | #8

    This has happened to our family. I cant believe that mothers do this to gain custody, but as I said, it happened to my son’s little autistic boy. The mother is sick and has mental problems. The courts and CPS believed her. WE as a family are SICK and TIRED about the way courts have handled things. The child is still with the MENTALLY ILL mother. CPS needs to be abolished. First of all our children need to be protected. and that is all the father and the grandmother wanted. Then the mother became vicious to get what she wanted, the $ she would gain by keeping the child in her care. All of these tactics in your article were used by the mother. I agree with others that these tactic should not be available in ANY articles so mothers can use them. Only really sick mothers can do this on their own.

  9. Guy
    September 27th, 2010 at 01:02 | #9

    I love it. It’s a little over the top and tedious, but overall it gets the point home.

    I am a father who was initially framed as psychotic right before my wife left across the country to live with her mother, taking my child with her and filing for separation the same day she landed in a State of non-jurisdiction.

    When psychosis didn’t pan out, she tried drumming up my previous ex-wife’s testimony from 17 years prior of domestic violence lies. The fact that there was no threats of violence or any physical violence for the last 17 years blew the “He’s Violent” claim out of the water.

    She started heading towards “He’s sexually molesting” her, when I told my daughter a joke I learned at age 10 about Star Trek and Uranus. My wife wanted to know why I was telling jokes about “her anus”.

    Now, a year later I am dealing with mild Parental Alienation Syndrome, and my daughter is lying to her mother about my custodial time, because it feeds into my ex-wife’s hysteria (my daughter probably enjoys the reaction). Custody exchanges are difficult, as my ex encourages friends who wrote depositions against me in court to be present during the exchange. But, I’m lucky that my daughter is now 11 years old and past the point of diaper changes. My ex hates the fact that I’m a good father so much, she would probably follow your article if she could. I guess I’m luckier than some, and worse off than others. Stay strong people!

  10. g
    November 2nd, 2010 at 07:53 | #10

    this site should be taken down IMMEDIATELY! youre not only committing a crime by encouraging framing, but you are also promoting child abuse. you should honestly burn in hell for even thinking about thinking of ever posting such a site. it is wrong, immoral and highly ILLEGAL.

  11. One of Thousands
    November 2nd, 2010 at 23:07 | #11

    @g

    Very illuminating post. Message you gave: “Don’t speak.” That’s worked for centuries. Nazis loved it. Worked in Dachau. And apparently it works for you.

    Scary how ignorant most people are. Good luck with that, but we’re glad it pissed you off enough to take a look.

    g: When you have something intelligent to say, speak up. Otherwise, the guns are probably soon to be aimed at your ignorant head.

  12. anonymous
    November 30th, 2010 at 07:14 | #12

    I left my ex husband in April of 2009. We were married for 1 year and 1 month. As soon as we were married he revealed who he really is and became controlling, emotionally abusive and sometimes violent. He did strange things like breaking things of mine on purpose but not while he was mad. He stole money from his business partner & went and filed a police report stating his partner stole it from him. The list goes on and on. I finally left after we got into an argument & he took my 8 month old daughter from me and wouldn’t let me have her or see her for 3 days. I knew then that there was something really really wrong with him. I immediately filed for divorce and custody. Little did I know that things were going to go from bad to horror movie in an instant. I had no idea people like him existed and I found out the hard way. Since then, I’ve learned that he is a sociopath.

    Almost 2 years later I am still going to court defending myself against ridiculous allegations. At first he said I was a drug addict and mentally unstable, then he filed a false police report claiming I assaulted him. After that he filed a motion that said I was a prostitute and involved in pornography. He even attached photos of me in my underwear to the motion. There’s so many other psycho things, I haven’t even scratched the surface.

    When I found this article I was completely taken aback. My ex is following these instructions to a T. There isn’t a step that’s been left out. Right now he’s working on manipulating and coaching our daughter, who is 2 yrs & 4 months old now, to say that I hit her & that my husband is a bad guy. He did the scalding on her butt when she was 10 months old. He followed the steps to cause infection in her diaper area. It turned into MRSA. He’s filed motion after motion saying I’m not taking care her, I purposely infected her with it, etc. He called CPS twice and has taken our daughter to several doctors and hospitals (over 35 visits in one year) bad mouthing me and getting medications prescribed that have caused our daughter to have severe allergic reactions. We have been involved in a hearing over the last 6 months. He filed for more parenting time because I am “medically neglecting” our child. After he tried to have her hospitalised & hooked up to IV antibiotics for no reason I filed for sole legal custody & supervised visits. I have physical already. We were ordered supervised exchanges until the hearing is finished. At every exchange my daughter has to have her butt checked for infection or rash. She hates it and I feel so terrible that she has to deal with this. Since the order there has been no rash or infection in her diaper area. Big suprise huh? My ex tries to convince the supervisor that there is when I bring her. We get reports of the exchanges sent to our attorneys and he harasses the supervisor because she doesn’t write what he tells her to. The next hearing date should be the last in this matter. For now. I’ve had 5 different Dr’s testify, the cps lady, and next the PT supervisor. All of them are on my side. Some have even testified that my ex is medically abusing our child & trying to make me appear unfit. I’m hoping my beautiful healthy daughter doesn’t have to continue seeing him and continue to be abused and manipulated. This is my worst nightmare come true. I hope she gets free from all this while she’s young enough to forget it. My case is pretty solid, my documents are in order. Logically, the facts have things going in my favor. I do realise that it’s family court though. Anything could happen. I’m almost afraid for if the judge does rule in my favor. What will the ex do next?

    • Abused Dad
      November 30th, 2010 at 08:07 | #13

      Anonymous,

      My ex-wife and her criminal roommate did something pretty close to what this article says, too. She obtained sole legal and physical custody as a result, even though the court ruled that she lied about the DV and sexual abuse allegations.

      Why is that? A few reasons. One, they say she took care of child care alone for years and so they act like they should feel sorry for her. It wasn’t my choice, I wanted to see my child regularly like I used to do but was prevented because of all her lies and the government people who listen to them and act upon them.

      Another reason is that I actually have evidence of what they did. That’s because I photographed the infections and showed the photos to doctors to get help because CPS would do nothing about what they were doing to the child and the mother and roommate kept lying about what was happening. For that, I am viewed as a pervert and lied about even more because the government needs to blame me to absolve CPS of guilt.

      You have the advantage of your gender, hopefully the same will not happen to you. But if he’s a sociopath as you say, he will keep trying to destroy you and will be willing to harm the child just as my ex is still doing to me. Sole legal and physical custody aren’t enough for her. She wants me destitute, in jail, and to never see our child again. Doesn’t matter that our child knows I’m a good father.

      Abused Dad

  13. Anthony Peterson
    December 23rd, 2010 at 13:43 | #14

    Heres how u protect yourself. Never, never, never loose ur cool. The calmer one is, the more the abuser will talk, so tape it. NY has one party consent law. In court, screw the privacy law if u want to avoid prison bring a taping device. I did and hid it in the court building so that i could reuse again.

    Chat w/ the employees that work w/ ur Part of the courts. If u sense a change of attitudes from the early contacts w/ them, then the charade involves bigger fish (likely a bully jurist). Watch how ur testimony is allowed, interrupted or in my case, addendum added to the record in whispers to the stenographer.

    Next, watch how legitimate complaints about inproper conduct by any jurist is being handled….remember, if ur being screwed, it doesnt matter if he knows u made a complaint questioning the presiding judges jurisprudence. Judges are public servant subject to good or bad comments. A manipulative jurist will pad thier own dosier. Look at the ruling on a court case involving ‘A Den of Thieves’. Point: There is an cooincidental irony being made here.

    Keep a journal. A very detail journal is ur evidence against a manipulative spouse who con’s the courts and their lawyer. Use their lawyers time wisely since all they care about is the hourly rate. Don’t be afraid to send ur evidence during a pending litigation. Their lawyer won’t read it but will still bill their client for the imaged time. After several lawyers, that part of the con will end. Her money will sap out and a smart lawyers will take the money and run. And a detail journal will document instances of personal threats towards u.

    If you have more than reasonable suspicion of misconduct by a memeber of the courts and going up the chain of command results in harsher treatment towards u during cases, then use ur 1st amendment right….send specific (not all) instances of ur difficulty to a news reporter. Other snipits u save for distribution to other sources. Its like playing chess, except someone is trying to send u to prison.

    If u happen to run into the presiding judge in a coffee shop (as in my case), don’t say a thing, don’t show fear, and don’t say a thing. If he’s narcissistic, he thinks he always has the upper hand.

    Most important, if u hav visits w/ ur child and they’re ill w/ anything, sacrafice ur visit and take ur child to a hospital and explain ur concern to the doctors. If they seem apathetic, ask that they speak to ur lawyer about ur concern. Bet they will do a reasonable exam (as in my case) and put it in writing.

    Hope the law holding jurist exempt from prosecution changes to allow gross conduct by judges sends them to prison, not just removed voluntarily from the bench.

  14. Anthony Peterson
    December 25th, 2010 at 15:58 | #15

    @Robert Gartner
    Plz post the names of the jurists in all of ur preceedings. It would be interesting to c if there’s a pattern of behavior by the presiding judges.

  15. Anthony Peterson
    January 14th, 2011 at 03:43 | #16

    @g
    If you think this site is ‘wrong, immoral and highly ILLEGAL’ then you should take note of the acts by vindictive, manipulative custodial spouses and their presiding judges. If you haven’t thrown up yet, then read on if throwing up suits you. We (abused dads) didn’t create this sickness, but we could use some help to eradicate it.

  16. Anthony Peterson
    January 14th, 2011 at 03:54 | #17

    @Robert Gartner
    I’ve always known that the organizations you refer to had inherent limitations. To raise money they have to cherry pick causes and cases to the point of becoming politically supported and organizational solvent. This is why I never subscribe to them. They lack objective investigative abilities and resources. Your 1st amendment right is the most important. Use it to protest government actions….even those of blind and apathetic members of the court.

  17. Tom Lucas
    February 28th, 2011 at 22:05 | #18

    Mr. Welch, My son is up to his neck in quicksand when he came across your article and could follow his still-not-ex-wife following the formula almost to the letter. Do you work with defenses to testify against such actions. If not, you should.

  18. Ben
    April 17th, 2011 at 05:16 | #19

    This is so on point for me, most things about these articles happened to me or are in the process as I type. My ex finally tried to do the sexual abuse thing, but now she’s under investigation while my visitation is suspended. I’m not surprised that she accused me of such a thing, but what did surprise me was that she implanted my daughter the way this article described. Of course this DNA will clear me and will most certainly cause her to lose custody altogether, so she basically hanged herself. Sometimes they don’t always get away with everything, sometimes they try so hard at winning a case by the “by any means necessary” that they self destruct.

    This, a week before a 2 year case was going to custody trial and had a track record of doing all this at least that long. I don’t know what’s going to happen yet, but I do know she’s under an extremely intense investigation by the hospital/police and have been told that a 2 to 5 year sentence is likely for her sexual assaut try’n to frame me. Sometimes we dads do get the last loudest laugh….update you all soon, but great article and more importantly it’s all disgustingly true. These sicko moms need to be exposed and sentenced HARSHLY because it’s always funny until the tables are turned on them… : (

  19. Parent
    April 2nd, 2012 at 02:32 | #20

    @ g
    Take it down? LOL you are taking your disgust out on the person who wrote the article? Are you that ignorant? Thank God you aren’t a judge, I’ve never heard of people so naive that they think this site fuels anything. You either are capable of abusing your kid or you’re not, an article doesn’t make you do anything. You have been way too sheltered if you think people don’t do this. Men and women. Knowledge is power! To turn your back to it as if it doesn’t exist is just as bad as being the abuser. I feel sorry for your kids, you refuse to acknowledge that this evil exists and are doing an enormous injustice to them to not arm yourself with these horrible facts. People like you are like sheep and is a good chunk of the reason our society is so messed up. Grow up! You should be glad someone showed you what to look out for and say thank you!

  20. christopher
    August 19th, 2012 at 04:14 | #21

    My exwife has my three teenaged children. She somehow obtained a restraining order

  21. confused
    August 19th, 2012 at 04:53 | #22

    In Marin county none of the above applies. Are any of the above parents and stories in California? And what was the time frame?

    As of 1995 Clinton asked for funding to support single fathers, this fundamentally changed legislation that affects all single mothers very negatively and is felt nationwide.

    The pendulum shifted all the way to the fathers side in 1995…is it just taking other states/counties longer to incorporate legislation?

    What needs to happen is protection for children, the courts are sucking us dry. We have nothing left to fight with after the courts have had their way with us. The subject matter needs to evolve gentlemen…not MALICIOUS MOMS…but a malicious court system bent on draining BOTH parties of assets. Follow the money…Protection of children is becoming a national joke.

    Meanwhile we’re still trying to get our last stab in against some idea of the enemy. For me its an abusive dad, for you a malicious mom trying to frame you…the real victim is the kid who may be being violated by both parties.

    Google “corrupt family court marin” and “Odor!Odor in the court” PAS and Rights for Fathers all started right here in MARIN. Hey by the way…please publicly post who funded this article.

  22. August 21st, 2012 at 19:36 | #23

    @ confused

    This site has a substantial readership in California because of the epidemic of abusiveness in the California family law courts. Some of the examples and at least a few the above stories and situations in the comments are from California and they are from the 2000′s, not prior to 1995.

    The government wants you to believe that men are bad and men to believe that women are bad. They are intent on playing everybody against each other to weaken them all, and to make them all subservient to the government. Don’t make the mistake of falling for this.

    This author’s angle on the article reflects the very real bias against men involving sexual abuse of children. You can see this even in the way perfectly safe men are treated on airplanes — as if they are pedophiles just because they are men.

    I don’t believe that he believed that all mothers are problems or that no mothers are being abused. We have always tried to get writers who are fair and reasonable people and do not seek gender bashers. Simple statistics bear out that men are more discriminated against in family law courts than women, and the many anti-male stereotypes in our society encourage this. As a result, we have more articles about abusive moms than abusive dads because by and large the abusive dads already don’t see their kids much and there’s not much reason to write about it because we are not going to advocate for or make excuses for real abusers.

    Just because there are a large number of abusive moms with sole or primary child custody doesn’t mean that all moms are bad. Far from it.

    Also, nothing written here claims there are no women being discriminated against by the family courts.

    What we see is that many of the moms who are the worst abused in court are up against ex-husbands who have political connections or are doctors, lawyers, judges, cops, or have some other advantage (such as extreme wealth) that encourages the government to take their side even though they are abusive liars. This has happened to so many moms. It also happens to dads, too, but I believe the percentage of moms being abused for these reasons is higher than for the dads.

    The US family courts often do no follow the law. When you challenge a court in the US, they will use your children to ruin you. This is a fact of life in a nation that is increasing run like Nazi Germany.

    “Child protection” in the US and many other nations is a euphemism for destroying families for the benefit of the government. They do this by treating one or both parents as criminals, often based upon entirely false or highly distorted allegations, and then taking the children to use them however the government wants. They may place the kids with abusive foster parents where they will be molested and raped as are many other kids because local governments earn Federal dollars as a reward for this. Or they may turn them into broken people who grow up on psychiatric drugs mandated by CPS who will be dependent upon the government for the rest of their lives and will feel compelled to vote for their abusers in government because they are dependent upon them.

    What is wrong with parents of either gender having equal rights? That is more or less what the “father’s rights” movement is about. You might be surprised that a lot of “father’s rights” groups are very supportive of women who are being abused by the family courts and CPS. Of course there may be some extremists who are biased against women, but I don’t see this as being very common and would point out that any group is likely to have at least a few extremists.

    What do you mean by “funded this article”? Nobody was paid for writing it as this site, to my knowledge, has never paid any authors. Family law reform is not lucrative for the people who support it. The people who are most supportive of it generally are financially ruined by the courts and are just barely getting by, so they can’t even provide much financial support even for organizations with which they strongly agree. Most of these people are supportive of family law reform because they have seen how evil the current system is, how badly it is hurting many people, and they don’t want the same to happen to their kids and grandkids.

    Rob

  23. heartbroken
    October 11th, 2012 at 04:53 | #24

    For months ive said, there is no way this person is doing this on there own, and sure enough if i searched long enough ide find out how she was able to do this and right in front of my eyes there it was. And exactly how to undo this web of evil this person has spun. Gives me hope

  24. Deb
    November 5th, 2012 at 02:47 | #25

    A male family member of mine is currently fighting a false abuse charge by his ex. He had been fighting for over two years to get divorced, he finally was successful and won equal shared custody of his three children. He remarried and is soon to have another child. Just as he was planning to come and visit family with his children and his new wife, he was hit with these false charges. This happened in May, It is hard to see the reported ways of the courts in these cases to be just how it is in his case. Even though he is innocent and has much evidence to support his innocense, because the so called Justice System is so stacked against fathers, he is considering a plea deal just to stay out of prision (where accused child abusers are raped and abused). This will mean SHE wins, he loses everything, already no money left to fight any longer, all family has donated everything we have. He loses his children to a (?? I can’t call her a woman) He would have to register as a child sexual predator and not only not see his current children, but not be allowed to see or be near his unborn son. Are there any resources that can help?? Heartbroken mom and grandma.

  25. Amy
    December 13th, 2012 at 13:22 | #26

    This article terrifies me, because for the last 3 years my now husband and I have been dealing with his ex wife and child custody/parental rights, and visitation. The details in the article, the progression of ex wife’s behavior and malicious acts are exactly the same as what we have experienced and dealt with. I cant emphasis enough, exactly the same. So I am not going to go on about the last 3 years, I want to share how I/We handled this and put a stop to it immediately, at least the we stopped the ex’s ability to commit these crimes, lies, and manipulations. We ended visitation immediately after a very extreme lie and outburst that I was walking around naked touching myself and making funny noises. All with my 2 week old in my arms.

    Stopping visitation on the surface appears to be exactly what the ex wife wants, because in her make believe world, that is all the proof she needs that he has abandoned his children and that is why she should be sole parent and have all rights taken from the father. However, you have just taken her playing field away, and I am sure she never ever thought you would do that and stick to it, especially after all the nasty emails and pleas to the fathers family about how much the children miss their dad and how the father isn’t being a good father -all the stuff the crazy ex wife says anyways. Taking the playing field away not only protects you, in reality you are also protecting your children by not giving the ex the opportunity to take the acts she is committing to another level or extreme measure-such as described in this article of the ex wife actually committing the acts. And hopefully if you stop the visitation at immediately when the lying and coaching begins, all of the CPS reports have come back unsubtianted, and all police reports had no merit to them. And hopefully there is only a couple of them. This type of immediate response, helps to deliver the message, the ex wife has harmed my new home and family with these false reports and it is her fault that I am not exercising visitation. If you wait to long they will question why if you were so worried or felt unsafe or scare what took you so long to do something.

    Doing this will not bring a fan club your way, because it involves children, family members and relatives will have tunnel vision and not acknowledge the hurt or harm that has been done to your family. The ex wife is crying to them, talking trash about, and in my case blaming me and targeting me as the person who is controlling the father and forcing him to not see his children. But their feelings, and advice or bullying you to change your mind will not be evidence in court or mediation. Their thoughts, gossip and attitudes will not provide a clear description to professions involved with custody, children and such. What they think and say has NO impact on the outcome. Accept that you will be hated, you will be the evil of all things and the cause of the children’s failures through out life, at least for a couple of years while you patiently wait and utilize other avenues to gain information and proof defamation and false accusations.

    What would you prefer to happen in life, continue visitation and thus the abuse from ex wife, culminating in a conviction and stigma of abuse, and/or losing everything while trying to fight your ex wife. Or would you rather maintain the home and family you have now, by taking away the control of your ex wife, and thus establishing your home as stable, loving, warm, and positive. Face it, if you continue to let the ex utilize visitation as her playing field, your current home will never be stable never positive or conducive for the well being of a child, it just wont. But you have the opportunity to do that, and it takes patience and determination and belief in yourself you are doing the right thing. Seek professional counseling if you need regarding personal feelings of doubt and guilt. Be confident in yourself.

    We gained insight and access the children starting with the schools. The father or whoever is not the residential parent is entitled to receive a copy of everything in the student file and health records, the school has a legal obligation to honor your right and must provide the documents. Many times, the ex wife wanted the children assessed for behavior problems and would provide the false information that they were abused at our home and the father had a new baby and refuses them as children, and goes on about how the abuse has made them so scared blah blah blah…. this is completely ILLEGAL to be included in his student file because the reports were unsubstantiated and the police reports she made had no merit and were not pursued. Make sure you have plenty of copies of all CPS reports and documents. So you can provide the to the school when making your case that you want it removed. They have to remove it because it isn’t a fact. If they take their time or dismiss your want, go and complain to the state dept of education. Schools take this stuff very seriously because they do not want to be in any violation due to losing funding and tax money. This will no doubt tick of your ex, and she will then threaten you or harass you, which then you go to the police station with a copy of the email she sent threatening you, a call log, whatever it is, and no matter how minimal you think it is, do it. You have stayed away from her, you have not “antagonized” her in months….she is the one now instigating you. The most the police will prob do is take the report and call her telling her to stop the harassment. The snowball effect continues for her threatening you, harassing you and top it all of the school is no longer listening to her complaints or cries for sympathy and attention, they want nothing to do with it. Because the psycho ex wife thinks she has done no wrong, she most likely will move again and change schools and try all over again. Just be persistent and on top of it. This is one of the only avenues you can utilize that will be unbiased and fair, and especially if you have not had visitation in months and the children’s behavior or progress at school is not standard or satisfactory, the ex wife cannot blame you anymore about this. And again, this is another piece of paper in your file!

    Have your attorney make attempts to modify visitation with the ex or her attorney, the modification being 1 day a week in public and no over nights. The ex will be irate and demand more or not cooperate. Which creates “if she really believed all of these things were going on in my home why didn’t she accept the modification of no overnights and public visitation till everyone is comfortable, wouldn’t she want that to protect her children from harm? And again, the communication efforts provide another piece of evidence that she wont cooperate and the whole safety thing. She will of course say you made no attempts to reestablish visitation, she will say she pleaded with you and family….all of that but she wont have any documents to provide proof of this, and even if your family is her best friend, when it comes to court they will not get involved, they will stay out of it.

    My now husbands ex wife has moved 6 times in 2 years, I have sued her and won for defamation and malice. She has started to make small mistakes or careless mistakes because she is becoming desperate. She has lost her ability to control him/us or whatever. Thru time, because she uses people, more people stop contact with her and also the children because they do not want to deal with her….everything takes time and patience, and work. You cant provide documents or evidence if you don’t take the energy to make it count and happen. you are not falsely accusing anyone you are just protecting yourself and family, after all you have documents showing she has done this to you and spread gossip about you to everyone including it in the student file. Also get medical records of your children, see what they came in for and treated for etc. Try to show when you did have visitation what she repeatedly did afterward or took the children to the doctor for……

    For awhile our insurance statements would show that the crazy ex took the boys to ER every Tuesday, consequently the TV drama House was on air on Mondays, we believed she would concoct the same scenario in her head and take the boys the next, once she went to three different ERs in one day, actually she has done that a couple of times.

  26. Broken Father
    December 14th, 2012 at 14:06 | #27

    I am currently involved in a variant of this article. My ex wife placed pornographic material displaying children on our computer as well as filed a false incident report claiming domestic violence a month or so before she left last year that she never had investigated, therefore never substantiated ” because she knew it wouldn’t go anywhere. She simply filed it to give her some kind of legal grounds for fleeing the state with our daughter. It’s hard to go into all the details without breaking down but after going through this for almost 2 years I’ve become numb. I’ve seen my daughter only twice at the time of this posting since my ex wife left in June 2011 and only through court action or me having traveled nearly 900 miles to see her. I “technically” have primary but my ex-wife has ignored the court order and the whole problem has now escalated to federal indictment against me for possession of child pornography that MY EX-WIFE planted on our computer before she left by by way of frostwire, a program we used to download music with. I never thought something like this could ever happen to me. I’m a former soldier. An awardee of my local community for heroic actions under fire conditions for saving lives in an apartment complex I lived in. I don’t do drugs and rarely drink. My ex-wife is here on a permanent resident visa and is a German citizen. I thank the author of this post and can only wish I had found it sooner because I feel thoroughly convinced that she has already won. The only thing I can think of is to ask? Can anyone tell me anywhere else I can look for more info on how to show my ex-wife for who and what she really is? Any fathers groups I can get in contact with? I just miss and love my kids. No father should have to go through this nightmare. And I sure as hell don’t want to go to prison for something I didn’t do or have to be a registered sex offender or live with never getting to see my kids again. Please..please help with any Info u might have?

  27. Gary T
    March 5th, 2013 at 14:09 | #28

    @ Rob

    “The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation.”
    Quote Attributed to Adolf Hitler.

  28. Gary T
    March 5th, 2013 at 14:12 | #29
  29. kitty
    April 26th, 2013 at 20:12 | #30

    omg!! it is true!! except im the grandma that had custody and the mother set me up to say i was lying about the sexual abuse( i believe her ex cop daddy,the non biological grandpa had a part in the demonic plan) it was pure hell!! yes, had to get criminal defense lawyer, lost guardianship..pure evil..i feel sorry for others that this happens too!! i was told even that i put a naked video of my grandaughter on fb..turned out my old fb hacked!! beware of the evil women is all i can say!!! i expected shed set me up,but i never dreamed it would be sexual!

  30. Kenneth Allen Hollander
    December 24th, 2013 at 17:24 | #31

    To remind all those with morals and to all those who love all children, that this David J. Glass Esq. PhD would giggle & laugh at me while waiting to see the judge. Shortly after this attached letter dated 2-12-2012 was received by the community of Malibu, CA this David J. Glass Esq. PhD conspired to injure a 3rd party (myself) , suborned perjury and falsified evidence just before he closed down his practice and went to FMBK Law.The CA State Bar has just received a 2nd complaint regarding this matter.

    Ken Hollander

    2-12-12 Mr. Graham J Miller

    REGARDING CHILD ABUSE

    To The Principals of Malibu Elementary Schools and To Whom it may concern within the LAUSD and SMMUSD administrations, Directors or other persons.
    Dear Sir Madam or MS,

    I am writing to you firstly as a parent. I have a child in a Malibu public school. I am also writing as a Citizen, and therefore concerned in a more global manner with issues that I personally find disturbing and relevant. I believe a possible failure to perform to ethical codes of several professions, let alone what any normal person may find to be reasonable is about to, and could in the future lead to embarrassment, public consternation and at best a complete lack of faith ,trust and confidence in the above agencies.

    I have recently been informed by my daughter Lily-Jane Faith Miller that her mother has taken her out of Callahan elementary (Northridge); and she is now at some school in Malibu district. (Grade 2)

    My reasons for my concern follow.

    Within the Malibu school district there is a teacher, (C Cullen) who has accused her ex-husband of two counts of sexual abuse of their son, and 5 other counts of abuse of their son (11). This alleged abuse according to Ms. Cullen and her Attorney took place over the past 5 years.

    I would like a notation in my daughter’s file that she is never to be placed in class with the above person as her “(my daughters)” teacher. I apologize in in that I amenable to provide more details on my daughter’s whereabouts (school) but her Mom has not provided that info. I’m sure Dr Jacob the principal at Callahan would be able to assist.

    In MS Cullen’s divorce and custody case she utilized the services of a Mr. D Glass Esq.(Attorney) Mr Glass is also a PhD in Psychology .Mr. Glass was also utilized by the mother of my daughter, Lily -Jane in my own divorce and custody matter. Mr. Glass a Psychologist/ Attorney and mandated reporter saw fit to bring allegations of sexual abuse of a child and 4 allegations of other forms of abuse of MS Cullen’s son Sammy before family court. These all were investigated by the Police DCFS, and the District Attorney. They were found to be without either Medical or Credentialed 3rd party verification and closed therefore as unsubstantiated. These allegations were brought by MS Cullen via the services of Mr. Glass and occurred regularly before the summer school break on a yearly basis. MS Cullen had also recently remarried a Mr Brian Winsick another Teacher and coach in the Conejo Valley. Their marriage took place just prior to the allegations beginning.

    I will now outline my concerns and reasons for the request of the notation in my daughters file.

    It is my belief that the relationship between this teacher Ms. Cullen and her attorney and my own ex-wife and the same attorney is cause for reasonable concern. That to avoid any unfortunate incident where god forbid I was to be accused by my daughter’s mother of something similar as MS Cullen accused her ex-husband of it is imperative no establish able link is in place as could lead to suspicion of collusion. The worst case scenario that Ms. Cullen at some time becomes my daughters teacher and subsequently claims are made that perhaps my daughter had inferred to MS Cullen that I had abused her ( Lily-Jane) and MS Cullen then could relate this to my daughters mother through their mutual attorney, or contact at school is beyond horrific. I feel the separation of my daughter and this teacher protects LAUSD/SMMUSD and my daughter and me.

    In a more global sense I am concerned that a teacher married to another teacher and coach and an attorney who is also licensed as a psychologist made no attempt to make aware the LAUSD or the SMUSD of their concerns. (Two allegations of Sexual abuse and five other allegations of abuse.) Surely some ethical codes of their respective professions would demand other relevant or parties who could be impacted be advised.

    When a teacher finds the resources to pay $500 an hour to a Beverly Hills Attorney for 5 years surely there is a need for verification that such allegations will bring in terms of the expenses the County and State will bear during the protracted conflict. Especially if the accused has been made indigent by the continued claims and has suffered stress or work issues stemming from such accusations and is no longer paying taxes.

    As a parent I certainly would be outraged if I knew my child’s teacher was aware of a legitimate abuse situation and if, as in this case it included Sexual Abuse allegations and that teacher did nothing to bring attention to it as could protect other children I would expect answers. Specifically why and how a person(s) (2 Teachers, (Coach), An Attorney/Psychologist) would go ahead and consciously disregard accusations of such a serious nature, and then they having brought these allegations before family court and the district attorney go ahead and let other parents arrange activities with the person they were accusing of abuse in a manner as would expose other children to the accused.

    What is more disturbing and I expect the press will find disturbing is that repeated allegations of this nature are often utilized in family conflicts and that this is acceptable is in fact a failure of morality within our society. I believe this failure may have had a profound societal impact.

    That the failure of an application of evidentiary standards as are normally applied in criminal matters may have allowed credentialed persons possibly with questionable motive to use family court in a manipulative and deceitful way to achieve their own ends appears to me to be worthy of consideration.

    This epidemic of claims of abuse of children caught in such situations, (family breakups) versus children, who suffer actual abuse , desensitizes the general public and governmental agencies and allows real and dangerous criminals to hide and operate with virtual impunity in our society. It is beyond Peter and the Wolf it is an ongoing crime against humanity. To falsely perpetrate something that I believe leads to what we are now facing in the LAUSD and SMMUSD and may have exacerbated, perpetuated and indeed by lack of action condoned events and actions that possibly has led to emotional; mental and even physical harm to any child is heinous.

    I believe because of the actions as I have described many prior red flags have been ignored in many abuse situations and much suffering and harm and expense could have been avoided if a less commonplace attitude of children was the norm.

    Indeed in the immediate situation with (C Cullen, B Winsick )either the allegations were scurrilous and a product of vitriol, and an attorney(PhD Psych) with who knows what motivation (7 Claims) and that these claims were worthy of public expense .Or these persons were aware the claims they were bringing were false and therefore not worthy of reporting to LAUISD/SMUSD or other parents.? The alternative is an admission of negligent lack of reasonable due diligence and surely a great lack of concern for the school both pupils and other teachers and parents has been flagrantly displayed in total disregard for the safety and welfare of minors. Whether this is or should be a concern for the bond holders of these persons I do not know. Mr. Glass, Glass family Law and former associate of (Kolodny & Anteau) One of the most respected family law firms in the United States (Mel Gibson Getty, etc.) has been investigated by the CA Bar already in this matter and while the complaint was not upheld a letter suggesting the possibility of civil redress was issued by them.

    The APA also found he did no wrong apparently within their own ethics code.

    The fact remains an Attorney/Psychologist and a Teacher and a Teacher/Coach surely have some duty to the community. The positions of trust and respect they are afforded should allow the general public a reasonableness within their expectation of propriety and protection of the innocent by such credentialed persons.

    Perhaps the LAUSD/SMUSD could incorporate or suggest to the CA Bar a cooperative relationship of a professional nature that would allow this protection to be afforded our children as well as draft a code for the LAUSD/SMUSD’s own employees in such situations.

    Certainly recent events could lead one to surmise that a better clarified way of maintaining the safety and welfare of our children, from both bonifide and false claims of abuse would be helpful. The harm that both real and imagined events can bring to families, as well as collateral persons and an institution such as children’s learning environment should be minimalized at all times.

    Sincerely Yours,

    Graham J Miller.

    885 Avenue of the Americas

    Penthouse 1A

    New York. NY. 10001

  31. domingo21
    December 29th, 2013 at 01:24 | #32

    I would never have believed this stuff happened until my wife used false accusations against me.

    In my case it was domestic violence and not the extreme of sexual abuse. My wife knew that my mother, who is suffering from dementia, had put a restraining order on me for trying to calm her down from her screaming and door-slamming rampage. So when my recently married wife and I decided our marriage wasn’t working and we should separate for a time, she used DV accusations to get total custody of our son and the right to relocate.

    Funny thing is that my wife WAS violent. With slapping, kicking, punching, controlling behavior and jealousy. I even had proof that my wife was selling marijuana. None of that even mattered.

    Without a single shred of evidence the judge practically shamed me out of court, ordered that my 2 visitations per week be supervised, and eventually granted my wife free departure out of state (and back to her country if she likes, because I got her a greencard) with my son. Now I have no legal rights to my own son after spending $8000 on the case and was ordered to pay her attorney fees!

    In court my ex lied and claimed she was afraid of me but two weeks later she was staying the night at my place and wanting me for sex, money, movies, expensive dinners…. I only did it because otherwise I couldn’t see my son.

    As a result of this I started to really hate the woman and am glad she left now. I also miss my son. When my ex isn’t angry, moody, or being controlling she allows me to skype or phone with my son. But when I remind her of the truth, that I never abused her and that she is the violent one who needs anger management, not me, she makes threats that I will never see him again and that she will teach him to hate me. She lied to the court and to all of her friends and family to gain their sympathy, and the money to start her end of the legal battle.

    At least she gave a half apology to me by saying she shouldn’t have done plan ‘b’ and next time she will stick with plan ‘a’. That meant that she wishes she didn’t totally lie and destroy our marriage in order to get my son %100. She knows that if she put that energy into our marriage then the love we had (and still have) for each other could have amounted to something.

    It’s strange but part of me is disgusted by her to the point of vomiting. The other part understands her desperation for control at any cost as a flaw of humanity itself. When I put those two sides together I find myself still loving an extremely flawed human being and sometimes hating myself for it.

    I am dearly sorry John that you have suffered through this enough to write so credibly on this complex and painful topic. Putting a sexual spin on this would have been even more difficult and painful to endure.

    Thank you for putting your story out there. 99% of the readers will attempt to fathom this while the other 1% can actually understand and sympathize.

    It’s just too unimaginable that this could ever happen to you until it does! Please just make sure you are not hurting yourself with hatred and anger towards her. Eventually she will get exactly what she deserves and maybe when your child is old enough you will be appreciated that much more by them for just being the healthy, non-sexual deviant, you really are.

    Best wishes.

    -Erik

  32. HOLLANDER
    January 13th, 2014 at 18:00 | #33

    Getting divorced/seperated?
    Odds R you will face false allegations
    (sexual)
    Google : FMBK ANTEAU (Hundreds of results)
    Present the 2-12-12 letter & other documents to Law Enforcement, DCFS Agents,
    Child Abuse Detectives, School Officials, District Attorneys Office, Judges & the Public

    PROTECT YOURSELF , LOVED ONES & OTHERS from CHILD ABUSE by DESIGN

  33. Anne Tyler
    January 19th, 2014 at 02:32 | #34

    I wouldn’t trust her, they are very self-serving liars. She got you once, manipulating the truth into lies, don’t give her another chance. The courts need to quit making exceptions for “females” they ain’t the weaker sex anymore. She abused the legal system, the Court and you so i say let her have it. I wish to hell i was a judge in these cases I’d straighten these bitches out with SWIFT JUSTICE.

  34. Anne Tyler
    January 19th, 2014 at 02:35 | #35

    @ kitty
    It’s a merciless world where this profligate liars abide, all bets are off, all’s fair in love and war to them. They are remorseless, immoral pathological liars who should be taught, swiftly, THE TRUTH. The truth being that if you lie in court and it harms anyone you do time.

  35. sara
    September 10th, 2014 at 16:03 | #36

    I am dating a gentlemen who was accused of sexually abusing step daughter. The marriage was bad he admits to not being the best husband. He served two and a half years instead of 20 yrs. He did a plea bargain, being scared he would of spent 20 yrs in prison. Now he is out and its hard to find work. I understand that his ex was upset with him but to ruin some ones life is a horrible thing.

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