Alienated Moms Have It Bad Due to NOW’s Support of Child Abuse

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Parental alienation is a form of emotional child abuse that occurs when one parent teaches the children to fear, disrespect, and/or avoid the other parent. It’s a common problem in divorces, but unknown to many alienation often gets started in marriages well before a divorce.

Studies of parental alienation show that alienators are almost exclusively parents with sole custody of the children. Statistics on child custody arrangements show that around 80% to 85% of children of divorce in the US end up in the sole custody of their mothers and that this has been the case for multiple decades despite changes in family law and society. These two observations combined mean that parental alienators are predominantly mothers and the parents they are teaching the children to hate are primarily fathers.

Alienators are emotional child abusers, often in more ways than just by teaching the kids to hate the other parent. Many alienators suffer personality disorders and also engage in emotional parentification (also known as emotional incest) by inappropriately using their children as emotional crutches for themselves.

To deny the culpability of these mothers who are child abusers, feminists belonging to groups such as the National Organization of Women (NOW) deny the very existence of parental alienation. They usually offer statements that there is “no scientific evidence that parental alienation is real” and “parental alienation is an excuse for why children do not like child abusing fathers.” Richard Gardner, a psychiatrist who was among those early in describing and defining Parental Alienation Syndrome (commonly abbreviated as PAS, it is a severe form of parental alienation in which the child aligns completely with the alienating parent), made it clear that alienation was not at work if the child disliked a parent who was truly being abusive to the child. But the feminists, in their zeal to treat all women as victims and trash all men as abusers, completely overlook that fact.

There are a growing number of alienated moms in which the child abuser in the family is the father. Typically this occurs in families in which the father has a narcissistic personality and has some advantages such as:

  • He is more wealthy.
  • He has more education.
  • He has professional certification such as a doctor, lawyer, judge, or law enforcement officer.
  • He is more politically connected.
  • He is a native operating in his own culture and the mother is an immigrant.

These advantages for a narcissistic man often aid him in reversing the usual anti-father bias in family courts, generally producing an anti-mother bias in these cases. Although anti-father bias is clearly wrong, it is disgustingly ironic that often when the bias becomes anti-mother it is happening in cases in which the fathers actually are behaving abusively.

You would think that feminists would race to the rescue of these women. After all, when there is an alienating father there really is an abusive man in the family. But you’d be wrong. Feminists are too busy claiming that “parental alienation is not real” and telling all who will listen that anybody who says their children have been alienated against them is in fact a child abuser. Thus alienated mothers are implied to be “child abusers” because of the twisted rhetoric of the feminists.

With NOW and its allies covering up child abuse and attacking target parents, this leaves alienated moms in particularly bad positions. Everybody knows that moms get sole custody as a de facto rule in family law courts due to anti-father bias. So when a mom gets no contact or supervised visitation instead of sole custody, society often regards these mothers as “monsters” as it seems like there could be no other explanation for why this has happened to people unaware of parental alienation or buying into the NOW crowd’s pro-child-abuse rhetoric. Human rights activist Gingko’s writing about NOW’s opposition to fathers being able to claim paternity of their biological kids and to equal shared parenting applies well to their position in favor of aiding and abetting parental alienators:

Quoted from Feminist Opposition to Equal Parenting – Misogyny and Misandry All at the Same Time:

Has it never occurred to these organizations how misogynist this works to be, along with the misandry this entails? The legal regime as it currently stands leads to a social expectation on women that they get custody of children in a divorce unless they are so egregiously unfit that the court in desperation gives custody to the father. Are they unaware how oppressive and restrictive this is to women? But maybe that’s the plan, to have yet another issue to advocate about.

NOW supports parental alienation child abusers on the grounds that if they did not, the abusive mothers in their ranks would be harmed. Thus they expose themselves not only as an anti-male organization, but as an anti-child group as well. As researcher Dr. Amy Baker and others have shown, adults who were alienated children suffer a lifetime of harm from this form of child abuse. They have greatly elevated rates of mental illnesses including depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, personality disorders, and more. They also tend to fall into emotionally abusive relationships and often as parents become targets for parental alienation themselves.

While it is quite true there are some very bad mothers (San Diego’s Cindy Dumas, for one) who are rightly banned from seeing their children after years of abusing them, there are also many alienated moms in the same “hated outcast parent” role as alienated dads. Often the main mistakes these alienated parents made were marrying the wrong person and having trouble counteracting the emotional abuse, legal attacks, and alienation tactics executed by their personality disordered spouses or ex-spouses.

Except for the obvious fact that alienated moms are women, you’d be hard pressed to differentiate their experiences from the travails of so many fathers who are struggling with ex-spouses alienating the kids against them and/or blocking their access to the kids. But unlike those fathers, these mothers are actually denied the support of many others of their own gender precisely because NOW and its accomplices are firm proponents of emotional child abuse due to their extensive effort to hide, excuse, and thereby enable female parental alienators.

So where can an alienated mom turn? Perhaps surprising to some, many father’s rights and men’s rights groups are very supportive of these alienated mothers. Feminists have tried very hard to defame father’s and men’s rights groups as misogynists who have nothing good to say about women. The fact is, nearly every father’s rights and men’s rights group I’ve run across has a substantial number of female participants and supporters. Often these women joined up because they have seen the unfairness and injustice exercised against their husbands, fathers, brothers, or other men in their lives. The vast majority of the men in these groups are interested in gender equality rather than a reverse of the gender supremacy being espoused by NOW. As a result, alienated moms are likely to find a whole lot more emotional support, understanding, advice, and assistance from these groups than from NOW and its child abusing allies.

Groups like Fathers and Families have have worked to help moms who are being wrongly abused in family courts just like they have worked for dads in similar situations. Most of these organizations are genuinely interested in gender fairness and helping abused children and parents alike, regardless of gender. If you’re an alienated mother, you might be pleasantly surprised about how much help you could get via websites and organizations offering help to fathers in family law disputes.

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Further Reading

Review of Dr. Warshak’s Parental Alienation DVD “Welcome Back Pluto”

Dr. Amy Baker On Parental Alienation, PAS, and Helping Your Kids Resist Both

Borderline Personality Disorder and Parental Alienation Involve Similar Abusive Behaviors

Stopping Parental Alienation Requires Family Court Reforms

Moms Discredit Themselves by Denying Parental Alienation

Gender Polarization Impedes Family Law Reform

Feminist Opposition to Equal Parenting – Misogyny and Misandry All at the Same Time

NOW’s Stand on Shared Parenting

NOW’s Opposition to PAS Inclusion in DSM-V Anti-Science, Anti-Dad, Anti-Mom, Anti-Child

Moms Alienated From Children

Parentification & Parentified Children

What’s the difference between the men’s rights movement and feminism?

  1. JCooper
    July 18th, 2012 at 04:20 | #1

    Well-written. As a targeted parent (Mother), I know all too well about the personality disorders of the Alienating Parent. Although my ex has never been professionally or officially diagnosed, I suggested to our (once) marriage counselor that he may be a narcissistic sociopath and the counselor could not deny that I was probably correct.

    My ex was an abusive husband and I tried to shield my kids from that. It’s a Catch-22 because the courts say: “Just because he was a bad husband, doesn’t mean he’s a bad father.”

    Well… no, it doesn’t. But the fear (as an abused spouse) is that the abuser will use the children against them through control and manipulation, which is where abuse begins anyway – right? And that fear of abuse just aids the Alienator.

    What better way to continue the abuse of a spouse than to take and use the children to “get back” at him/her?

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