“I Want The Litigation To End” May Be A Warning You Are Being Manipulated By A SociopathWritten by: Rob Print This Article
Use of Our Content (Reposting and Quoting)
There has been much mainstream media coverage of the controversy over the illegal banning of the The Psyco Ex Wife website. Many of the mainstream media writers pump up sympathy-evoking statements, particularly those coming from Allison Morelli who is the woman reputed to be the PEW (Psycho Ex Wife) character discussed on the site. As an example, I’ve seen variations of this statement reported by UPI and other publications:
Quoted from Man’s divorce blog starts free speech dispute:
Allison Morelli said she just wants the legal battle to end.
A person who has not had experience interacting with sociopaths is easily led into feeling sympathy by statements like this.
But anybody who is familiar with the workings of the mind of the devious sociopathic liars who pervade family law courts must ask, what does such a statement really mean? In my experience, statements such as “I just want the litigation to end” are warning flags. You should stop to think long and hard about what they really mean.
Healthy people certainly would have a reason for making such a statement. When they say something like this, they mean they want to stay out of court, or that they want some fair resolution to the dispute and then to be done with it and put it behind them.
But sociopaths mean something completely different. They often make such comments not for honest reasons but to manipulate you and to gain allies.
Whether Allison Morelli is a sociopath or not, I don’t profess to know. It’s often hard to tell the sociopath from the victim at first glance. I don’t have sufficient information to judge whether much of what has been written about her is true or not. But I’d like to point out that sympathy-provoking comments are certainly are not at odds with those made by actual sociopaths and that most of the mainstream media writers are completing missing this.
You can’t tell simply from a comment what a sociopathic person truly means unless you have a lot of experience dealing with that person. You have to look at the big picture spanning years to really understand what such a comment means. The big picture is something that sociopaths excel at hiding from most of the people around them. They are information control freaks and this is why they are especially threatened by people writing or talking about their behaviors in a public forum such as a website.
Here’s a short list of a few possible meanings of “I want the custody battle to end” types of statements for a sociopath:
- I hope to bury my ex in court and will put and end to his or her [insert choice here: freedom, life, happiness, time with my children] there.
- I want my ex to stop exposing me as a liar because it upsets me and makes it harder to gain allies to abuse him or her.
- I plan to litigate until the end of my ex’s time on earth.
- I won’t stop until my ex gives up on the children and is broke and homeless.
- I want you to feel sorry for me so you will help me abuse my ex.
To have a chance of understanding what is really meant, you need to learn about the way sociopaths think.
Sociopathy Difficult to Detect Without Extensive Contextual Knowledge
When a sociopath utters “I want it to end”, sometimes you can figure out the person is likely a sociopath because she or he has filed motion after motion usually based upon false statements, distortions, intent to deprive the kids of the other parent, and often outright selfishness and greed.
Unfortunately, most people hearing that statement have zero knowledge of what has really happened and often have zero experience interacting with a sociopath intent on harming them. They may know about the long court battle, but if so they have probably heard lie after lie about it meant to manipulate them to be sympathetic. The lies may go back even years before the court battle started.
For instance, you may have heard sob stories about CPS coming over to the person’s house based upon the ex’s false allegations every week and think the ex is a horrible person. What you may not know is that it was a doctor, teacher, or other person who contacted the police or CPS because of suspicious injuries or other signs of child abuse and it was not the ex initiating these investigations, contrary to the lies.
Sociopaths Often Pretend to Be Victims
Sociopaths frequently play up their victim status, acting like they are innocent victims of the people they are in fact abusing themselves. Because most people who have not had extensive interaction with a sociopath tend to take such statements at face value, without considering the context, they fail to understand the real meaning. Many of them feel sorry for the sociopath, offer the sociopath their time, money, and even assistance abusing the sociopath’s ex. And they do this foolishly thinking they are helping a good person when in fact they may be assisting in great evil.
Sociopaths Are Manipulative Liars
Sociopaths are manipulative liars who are entirely willing to perjure themselves in court. And because perjury is seldom punished except for political reasons, sociopaths keep doing it and often get away with it.
They often lie to police and CPS, too, to build a false case to take their victims back to court for more abuse. As information control freaks, they often block access to real evidence and create false evidence. They do this by stealing records, altering documents, lying to instigate police raids on their victims, tampering with documents (removing pages, inserting pages, altering text), and more.
Some sociopaths are pathological liars, or compulsive liars. Even though they lie reflexively, these may be the less dangerous ones because often some of their lies can be disproven. They are more apt to lie about things that others can easily discover.
Others are much better at lying here and telling the truth there, all depending upon what serves their purpose of the moment or who knows what. Sometimes you can tell these sociopaths are lying if you can get them to tell their story to a few different people months or years apart. Often the details will change dramatically. Details sometimes shift based upon the audience, too.
I believe this is often because they really don’t care what the truth is. They simply want to manipulate others to feel sorry for them, pay attention to them, or to do their bidding. If it takes claiming to be a Christian to church members, that she was beaten by her ex-husband to a DV support group, or that the ex’s new boyfriend is a drug dealer to a men’s rights group, sociopaths will do it because they know how to twist the truth for effect.
Some Sociopaths Churn Through Experts
Another sign of some sociopaths is that they churn through attorneys, psychologists, and other service providers as their old ones get worn out, tired of not being paid, or disgusted with being lied to and used. It is not unusual for them to go through one or more per year. Healthy people of course may also have their reasons for changing lawyers or therapists, but they usually have to do with something practical such as a relocation, change in insurance, or reasonable dissatisfaction with services provided.
In the context of court, sociopaths often end up self-represented because they realize they can lie and perjure and cheat more cheaply that way and don’t have to put in so much effort to escape the moderating influence exerted by many lawyers.
This is not to say that all self-represented litigants are sociopaths. Instead, you should realize that even good attorneys who are well-intentioned usually have zero ability to rein in the abuse and maliciousness of a sociopath. Sociopaths hate attorneys who try to make them behave better, so eventually they find themselves without one. They even scare away or fire many of the really scummy attorneys because everybody has a limit of some sort, be it a limit upon how much lying they are willing to do for a client or how much yelling, screaming, and weird behavior they can tolerate.
Healthy people who end up self-represented or stop their therapy sessions often do this because they run out of money and have no choice. For the sociopath, that is usually not the reason. Remember, these people are expert liars and manipulators and can often get somebody else to pay the bill.
There are sociopaths who stick with the same experts year after year. That is often because their experts have been so taken in by their lies that they cannot see through them. Other times, it is because these experts are the sort who will do anything for a dollar. You could call them sociopaths, too. Either way, these sorts of experts are the kinds of people sociopaths love as they are either the “brainwashed minions” or “willing accomplices” whom they depend upon for their own nasty purposes.
The most common general themes you see with sociopaths are deep seated insecurities, the driving need to control others by any means they can, and a total lack of any typical sense of morality or ethics. You should realize that sociopaths think you exist for their use and abuse and that the moral and ethical thing to do is always whatever is most advantageous for themselves.
For example, people who often borrow money but seldom pay it back are much more likely to be sociopaths than people who seldom borrow and consistently pay others back. Or they are always asking you to take care of their kids, but seldom return the favor and meantime are turning down the ex’s offer to take care of the kids.
Be Skeptical When You Hear “I Want The Litigation To End”
Perhaps one of your acquaintances, friends, or family members has been mired in a family law court for years, all the while complaining often in almost incredible sounding stories about her or his ex being a child abuser, thief, rapist, wife beater, etc.. The next time you hear this person go on this way, consider that you may actually be listening to a sociopath trying to manipulate you to gain sympathy.
Unless you know the big picture and have heard and seen extensive evidence from sources not controlled by or aligned with the person talking with you, you cannot possibly know what is going on. Even the courts cannot figure it out most of the time, at least not until they have taken part in doing great damage to the sociopath’s victims and children for many years.
Sociopaths are expert liars and manipulators and prey on gullible people to use them for selfish and wrongful purposes. Most people are nothing but “marks” to scam and manipulate to a sociopath. That includes their “friends” and coworkers and family members.
That an ex is complaining about being harassed, lied about, and harmed by the person you know doesn’t mean the ex is a liar or a bully. On the contrary, any normal healthy person will reach a breaking point where they cannot sit by and take any more abuse and will fight back. This is where the courts often get confused as they often fail to understand the big picture and especially the chronology of events. They conclude that the person who “denigrated” somebody on the Internet is a bad person, when in fact the bad person is the one who has been lying, cheating, harming, and harassing the “denigrator” for years but is now acting like some innocent victim. Often the person pretending falsely to be the victim has had a great deal of help with the harassing, including by government employees and particularly the courts, because she or he is able to dupe gullible people into funding and participating in the harassment. So she or he can say “I didn’t do it” when in fact she or he was behind all of the abuse.
The number one thing to remember is that all may not be as it seems. Number two is that just because somebody is angry doesn’t mean they are wrong. Sociopaths often attack and aggravate a target just to get them to react badly so they can then point and say “see, I told you he or she was bad!”
When a sociopath lies to kick the ex out of his or her home, take the children, force him or her to supervised visitation or no contact, and then repeats the same sort of attacks multiple times over multiple years, you cannot possibly expect anybody, not even a saint, to stand by and not complain loudly about this. But if you don’t know the full picture, you may mistakenly think the person who appears to be a target of nasty complaints is a wonderful person and the ex is simply being horribly nasty. Sociopaths will use all the tricks in their playbook to make you think this way because it is the first step in gaining your support. To a sociopath, you are a fool to be manipulated and used to support the abuse of the ex, the ex-in-laws, or whomever else the target may be.
Detecting A Sociopath
One of the few things you can safely do to judge whether you are dealing with a sociopath without being sucked into harming another person is to discuss very basic fundamental issues. For instance, talk about how children have a right to spend time with both their parents and isn’t it bad that so many cannot. Discuss how free speech is important, even when it may appear mean, so long as it is honest.
Often if you attempt to take such positions with sociopaths, they will stop talking with you. They may realize you are more skeptical than most. Also, these people have trouble seeing greys. They view the world in black and white. “You’re either under my control and believe what I want you to believe or I hate you and you are to be avoided or harmed” is typical thinking for them.
A litmus test that may work with many sociopaths is to take the stand that kids should have 50% time with each parent absent some extreme circumstances such as a criminal conviction for something dangerous to a kid. If the the person agrees, the odds are much higher that you are not dealing with a sociopath. If the person disagrees or gives all sorts of reasons why the ex should be convicted of some crime but has not even after years of this conflict, then you are probably dealing with a sociopath.
A healthy person can usually accept that a parent can be nasty to the ex but the kids will still love the parent and should still be able to spend significant time with both parents. But a sociopath won’t truly care about the kids except to mouth concern as a means to manipulate others. Unfortunately, it is often hard to tell the difference because sociopaths are good at looking like normal people except when they are alone with the target or under a lot of stress and their true nature breaks through.
Sociopaths want it all. They are not willing to share unless they can get something more valuable to them in exchange. A few will gladly let the kids see the ex if the ex is willing to fork over thousands of dollars or sign over title to the house to them in exchange. But most would rather have the kids, the house, and the money. They view the kids as a means to get all they want simply by lying and manipulating enough people. Since they are good at that, they rightly view their odds of success as being high.
Another frequently good test is to view how the people treat their kids. Lazy sociopaths who get sole custody or nearly so often spend a lot of time ignoring their kids or farming them out to childcare providers. They want the kids to love them and hate the ex, but are not willing to put much effort into it.
Sociopaths Are Hard To Detect, So Try To Avoid Involvement In Conflicts You Don’t Understand
Sociopaths treat relatively few people as targets, mostly former loved ones or former friends. That’s part of why it is so hard for most people to understand they are dealing with a sociopath. They may think something like “she didn’t treat me badly, she is always acting interested in me and complimenting me so the ex must be a bad person.” That’s exactly what a sociopath wants you to think and exactly why their most abusive and horrible behaviors are often very well hidden from view by most people.
You may be curious about what is going on, but realize that unless you are willing to take the step of getting information from the other party and read court files, examine evidence, and so forth even beyond what a court is willing to do, you run a very high chance of misunderstanding what is happening.
Ask yourself, do you want to be responsible for helping to abuse an innocent parent and damage children via severe emotional abuse? The sociopath knows that their marks would say no. That is why they spend so much time talking in distortions, lies, and misleading statements and showing people false “evidence” to control others to get what they want. Very often, sympathy-evoking phrases such as “I just want the court battle to end” are what they use to manipulate you at an emotional level.
When you try to help a high conflict parent in a family law dispute by any means, you are running around a 50% risk that you are helping a sociopath harm his or her victims unless you have solid independent information to help you improve the odds. You run the very real risk of being turned into an abuser yourself. If you don’t like those odds, and you shouldn’t, then your best bet is to stay out of the situation.
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