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Dr. Tara Palmatier’s Shrink4Men website has recently been bombarded with abusive comments from somebody who sounds like she has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) with malicious acting out behaviors, or as I’d call her, a personality disordered abuser (PDA). The good psychologist is hoping to help identify the attacker and perhaps help her victimized ex in the process.

(from Lost and Found: Does Anyone Have an Ex-Borderline Girlfriend or Wife in the West Hempstead-East Northport-NYC Vicinity Whom You Told about Shrink4Men During the Break-Up?)

Perhaps this is not the best way to go about doing this, but I’m a big believer in implementing consequences for crazy and malicious BPD behavior, so here we are. Beginning late last week, a woman, whom I assume is the former spouse or girlfriend of a man who frequents this site, began spamming my site with puerile comments in which she engages in name calling and other typical BPD verbal attacks against Shrink4Men readers/commenters and me.

None of these comments have been approved nor will they be approved because they’re nothing more than lame attempts to hurt my readers feelings and my feelings and they would only distract from the meaningful dialogue, sharing and support that takes place here. The irony is that her attacks don’t hurt my feelings. In fact, my thoughts are, “Gee, I can see why her ex broke up with her” and “I wonder how many texts and voicemails the poor bastard who was dating/married to her is getting everyday?” If anything, her spams only reinforce my beliefs about BPD and the information presented on this site.

Now, the reason I am posting this rather than something more productive: Gentlemen, if you believe this is your ex/gf/wife, please contact me and I will send you all of her spam comments with the date, time stamp and multiple IP addresses, so that you can include them as evidence of her unstable/stalker/harassment behavior in any pending divorce/restraining order cases. If need be, I have access to an Internet security expert who can trace pretty much anything directly to the source.

Information warfare by a nasty PDA, often one who suffers BPD or NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), is a frequent feature of the ending of a relationship involving such a person. But the comment spamming mentioned above is really among the less serious of attacks.

Distortion campaigns can become ruinous and virtually unfixable, especially if there are children involved. Some might call it a catch-22 situation in which anything you do to try to fix the disaster only makes it worse. When the Internet becomes involved, the risks of this may be even higher as I’ll discuss below.
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The Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome will be held at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City on October 2 to 3, 2010. The speakers include a wide variety of experts from across the United States and Canada.
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Parental alienation is a very serious form of widespread child abuse aided and abetted by the corrupt and abusive courts in the United States and Canada. Parental alienation is driven by the psychological problems of parents abused as kids as well as by the government and divorce industry. Courts are commonly encouraging conflict in divorcing families that leads to parental alienation and other long-running conflicts damaging children. From this, they derive income and job security.

In a very real sense, parental alienation is government-backed child abuse. When you see a judge in a black robe, if you are reminded of the grim reaper or angel of death coming to kill your family because that’s its job, you’re not far off the mark. Parental alienation will not stop unless court reforms are implemented that support shared parenting, move away from the adversarial “winner takes all” decisions common today, and put into place support systems that help parents work together for the benefit of their children without repeated conflict-inducing trips back to court.

Parental alienation is a form of emotional abuse against both children and the alienated parent, sometimes called the target parent, and often his or her entire extended family. As parental alienation expert Dr. Amy Baker has found in her research, it causes greatly elevated rates of long-term depression and substance abuse in the children who are victims. The harm does not stop when they become adults, either. A large portion of alienated children will in turn enter into emotionally abusive relationships which result in them being alienated from their own children.

(from Parental Alienation Book For Middle School Kids: “I Don’t Want to Choose!”)

Alienated children frequently are psychologically damaged in long-term ways. They often develop depression, substance abuse problems, eating disorders, and even manipulative behavior patterns similar to their alienating parents. Some compare growing up with an alienating parent as being kidnapped and brainwashed. Of her 40 research subjects covered in Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind, some notable statistics are:

• 70% suffered from depression
• 58% were divorced
• Half of the 28 who had children are estranged from their own children
• 35% developed problems with drugs and alcohol

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Some of the most emotionally abusive relationships and traumatic divorces involve the mentally ill. One of the most difficult of these mental illnesses is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) because it is not easily diagnosed. Behaviors can range from extreme violence to subtle patterns of emotional blackmail and projection. On top of that, many Borderlines tend to live in denial, constantly avoiding their own feelings of emptiness, insecurity, anger, disappointment and fear that more often than not stems from an abusive childhood. It is hard to treat and help someone if they don’t want to face their own abuse — abuse that they themselves suffered or the abuse that they themselves do.
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Separation anxiety is a behavior normally found in infants and small children when a loved one is moving out of contact with them. They become worried and uncomfortable, anticipating the absence of the loved one. Often this loved one is a parent, other times it is a relative or a familiar care provider. This is a normal part of the development of children and tends to go away by the time they are around three or four years old. But not all behaviors that appear to be separation anxiety are in fact so. Alarmingly, sometimes such behaviors are the result of premeditated child abuse by the parent handing over a child to another person, particularly to the child’s other parent.

Personality Disordered Abusers Hurts Kids To Hurt Ex and Win Custody

When you’re a divorcing or divorced parent of a child you had a with a sociopath, psychopath, or other personality disordered abuser (PDA), there’s a chance you will come face-to-face with the reality that your ex is willing to abuse your child to make it look like he or she doesn’t like being returned to you. The ex wants to worsen the separation anxiety, or at least the apparent “symptoms” of it, often in front of witnesses whom will be asked to write declarations or testify in court or to talk with psychological evaluators, therapists, CPS, and court-appointed mediators. The PDA expects these reports that the child doesn’t like to be returned to you will help ensure your custody is reduced and the PDA’s custody is increased.
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Eric Moelter has started to speak up a bit about what has happened in the false sexual abuse and child custody abduction case of Cindy Dumas v. Eric Moelter now that all three boys are living with him once again. He believes their mother Cindy Dumas suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder and has been waging a distortion campaign against him for years.
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Kevin “Jackal” Johnson has put together a series of animations about a hardworking unassertive “nice guy” named Joe and his demanding abusive spouse. While he’s not yet stated this animated woman is a narcissist or borderline, she certainly acts like one. He may not be right about her being a psychopath — sociopath is more the ticket — but the style of her emotional and verbal abuse is just the kind of garbage coming out of mentally ill abusers.

Check out Poor Married Joe for more episodes.

More “Psycho Abuse” Videos

Talking With A Borderline

Psycho Girlfriend: Episode 1

Update on March 31, 2010:
Eric Moelter has started to speak up a bit about what has happened in the false sexual abuse and child custody abduction case of Cindy Dumas v. Eric Moelter. He believes Cindy Dumas suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder and has been waging a distortion campaign against him for years. Please see our update in Eric Moelter Speaks Against Cindy Dumas Distortion Campaign.

Cindy Dumas
2004

On January 15, 2010, there will be yet another hearing in the long-running and highly destructive San Diego family law case of Cindy Dumas v. Eric Moelter that started in 2003. In this case, Dumas has alleged for years that Moelter sexually abused their children. The children corroborated some of these claims, but were viewed as potentially repeating misinformation and opinions programmed into them by their mother. Despite investigations that don’t agree with Dumas, she would not change her opinion or reach some resolution that would allow the children safe contact with both of their parents.

This article lays out many of the reported facts and statements and observable events and artifacts such as flyers and websites. Later I’ll be writing about my interpretation of the case and some of the problems with the manner in which the courts and law enforcement are handling this case and others like it.
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Catherine Fontaine, 4 and Julia Fontaine, 2

If you’re aware of the December 2009 child custody murders described in our article Killer Bonnie Hoult Made False Abuse Allegations Against Ex, you might have been wondering just what father Jason Fontaine has to say about the tragic events. Jason has started to write some about his feelings and thoughts on the horrendous death of his two beautiful little children in what appears be the murder-suicide plot of grandmother Bonnie Hoult and her daughter Catherine Fontaine. One of his recent postings can be found at Dreamcatchers For Abused Children on their coverage of the story. I’ve excerpted it and edited it for typographical errors below.

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Are you a guy whose wife or girlfriend is abusing your children and you? Have you been falsely accused of child abuse by you ex as a tactic to keep you from seeing your children? Have you had a falsely obtained restraining order used on you to kick you out of your home, ban you from seeing your children, defame you as a violent person, and to emotionally and financially rape you? Is your boyfriend or husband being attacked by his ex-wife using such aggressive manipulations of the legal system?

Californians who can answer yes to any of these questions can find more help at the web site of California Men’s Centers.

Based upon the group’s support of shared parenting and stance against the use of false accusations, women who are partners of an abused man or who themselves are in a such an unfair situation could also find advice and help from them.
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