High-Conflict Divorce

September 3rd, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

A friend once said “marriage is grand, divorce is one hundred grand”. In a high-conflict divorce, he might have been underestimating. High-conflict divorces generally involve extended litigation, potentially crossing over from the family law arena into civil and criminal cases involving parties besides the unhappy couple. Expenses mount quickly, $100,000+ in legal fees can be expended even by warring couples with relatively modest income and assets. Financial ruin and even bankruptcy is not unusual.

Often the end of most of the litigation is brought by not a real resolution to the conflict, but by running out of money. Sadly, as more money becomes available in the future, the conflict may become renewed again. Or one of both litigants may change to less expensive litigation methods such as self-representation without legal counsel to keep the war going.

Such cases often involve dirty tactics which cause extensive damage not only to the target adults, but also to any children involved and even to the extended family. Children may be robbed of a chance to spend time with a parent and his or her extended family and inflicted with serious psychological harm.

While this is hardly an exhaustive list, these cases commonly feature problematic behaviors including:

  • False accusations of domestic violence in the forms of child abuse and partner violence
  • Falsely obtained restraining orders (also known as protective orders) to gain de facto custody of children and to severely financially damage a former spouse (often the man, but increasingly this happens to women, too)
  • Parental alienation (training kids to hate a parent)
  • Perjury
  • Refusal to follow court orders (contempt of court)

Frequently the cases are driven by one or both parties exhibiting aggressive and unreasonable behaviors brought on by mental illness. Personality disorders are a particularly extreme source of unending conflict. Even a mentally stable person when attacked during a high-conflict divorce for years or more can start to exhibit behaviors associated with mental illnesses, particularly depression and anxiety disorders.

We encourage you to look through our website to increase your understanding of what drives high-conflict divorces and resources to help you. We routinely write posts involving topics involving high-conflict divorces, so check back occasionally for updates or subscribe to our site via email or RSS (see the upper right hand corner of our web page).

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Further Reading

To help with understanding the issues of high-conflict divorces click on the links below for more information on:

Parental Alienation
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
BDP Distortion Campaigns
What Is The Cost Of BPD To Society?
Dirty Tactics of Dirty Lawyers
Relationships and Divorces With A Borderline
Co-parenting With A Sociopath (Borderline, Narcissist, etc.)

Recommended Links

Steps To Protect Yourself During Divorce

UpToParents.org – a free, confidential and interactive website for divorcing and divorced parents. Although this website is catered more for amicable divorces, it is still an excellent resource and educational tool to guide divorcing and divorced parents through a very difficult life change.

TheHopePortal.org – in partnership with many organizations, The Hope Portal offers a wide selection of support and resources for understanding how to pick healthier relationships and help prevent teens through adults from entering in a pathological relationship. We particularly relate to the website’s insight of high-conflict cases: The old adage “it takes two for a conflict” does not apply here. It takes one pathological parent and a court room.

  1. Michaela
    September 17th, 2009 at 12:02 | #1

    My ex husband has done just that — perjury, falsley obtaining a restraining order, parental alienation and many contempt of order violations.
    What forms due I need to file in court, to bring this matter in front of a judge A.S.A.P.

    Thank you,

    • September 18th, 2009 at 01:21 | #2


      What state are you in? This affects the forms and process needed for addressing the issues you raise as they vary from state to state.

      In our collective experiences, perjury is seldom punished in any fashion even when you can prove it beyond a reasonable doubt. Some states may allow civil suit for perjury that has caused you damage, others have no provisions for it outside of criminal code. District attorneys are seldom willing to prosecute for perjury, so you can’t count in any way on the government to enforce laws in this area.

      Contempt of court is usually treated as a quasi-criminal action which you must be able to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. Even when you can prove it beyond a reasonable doubt, the courts are often unwilling to do much about it. This is especially the case for “family law” courts.

      If you can prove contempt, you may be able to get the court to hold your ex liable for your legal fees for the contempt action. Again, it depends upon the state, particular judge, and the exact circumstances. They often even take into account financial means. For instance, if you make $500,000 per year and he makes $50,000 per year and he violates court orders, you’ll likely be stuck paying your legal fees even if you prove your case. It’s not fair, but courts are not about fairness or justice anywhere in the US except for in fairy tales and movies. They are about government interfering in people’s lives and controlling others for financial, political, and other agendas.

      Realistically, I’d need to know more about your situation to be able to comment in much detail. In theory, you have the gender advantage in court (i.e., fair or not, women generally have the advantage in family law courts because the laws and judges are sexist) but that can be overcome by situations such as your ex being a doctor, police officer, etc. — somebody viewed with “credibility” despite the real facts perhaps being these people are liars and manipulators worse than many other people without those credentials. For instance, I know of a case in which the mother lost custody of her sons for about two years in part because her ex was a doctor and accused her of poisoning the children and his accusations were viewed with credibility even though the toxicology screen tests never matched his lies.

      Regarding fighting parental alienation, look up Warshak’s “Divorce Poison” book. It is a very good work on this topic and if you haven’t already read it and applied the lessons from it, it would be my first recommendation for a place to start learning how to fight parental alienation without counter-alienating your children.


  2. June
    November 7th, 2009 at 15:41 | #3

    The problem with people who are true alienating parents is when a true abuse case comes up, nobody will listen to the child. It is assumed these days that alienation must be the cause. I have read case after case on justiceforchildren.org where the child is forced to live with the abuser and given no contact with the other parent. Some…many have ended in death for the child. The child was not heard. The focus became the other parent, even though the other parent simply followed the law and reported the childs claims to the proper authorities. Will this system ever be fixed? When will the child be believed? One parent spend 13 years fighting to save an abused child from the other parent only to see the child end up living with the abuser. The abuse continued until the child was old enough and brave enough to run away. A childrens rights group listened to the child and helped the child get returned to the safe parent. The child was 17 by then.

  3. Robin
    December 9th, 2009 at 18:14 | #4

    I am living this nightmare right now. It has been almost 7 years of a custody battle. A few years ago, the father of my children came up with “alienation” and it has ruined our children’s lives. The judge split our children. Their father was verbally, psychologically, and physically abusive to our children and myself. Our son, since living with his father, says he wants to kill himself, and other people, he hates his life, and wishes “he would be buried” he has been on depression medications since living with his father, and has been in therapy since 3 years old. He is only 9. I can no longer afford a lawyer. I have filed bankruptcy, took a loan against my house, my parents have spent their entire savings trying to fight for my children. I believe the judge is biased due to the fact that my ex is a police sgt. and his current wife is an asst. district attorney. He actually refers to them in court by their first name. I have had the therapist, the evaluator, the mediator, you name it, all say that I’m not alienating our children. The judge says he’s not even sure, but to make sure, I lost custody of my son. He claims that because our daughter doesn’t want anything to do with her father, that I have turned her against him and he doesn’t want to see that done to our son. Our daughter who is 14 has been abused by her father. That is why she wants nothing to do with him. How is she supposed to feel when her father grabs her neck and says “I could fuckin’ choke you” and that’s just one example. He told her he would have me arrested and she would never see me again. He then, 2 weeks later, had me arrested on 3 felony charges, which were later thrown out because they were bogus, but I almost lost my job, and it has traumatized our children, and ruined my life. I have worked for a judge for 13 years, and was arrested twice, fingerprinted and my name was in the newspaper for all to see. I don’t know where to turn. I’m broke, my parents are broke from legal bills up to almost $100,000, everyone I have contacted from the newspaper, to several lawyers, no one, seems to be able to help me and my children. I work for the judicial system, and have not one ounce of belief in it.

  4. Carol
    January 29th, 2010 at 13:14 | #5

    It is all very sad. My husband represents the opposite. His ex suffers from borderline personality disorder and after a high conflict divorce she accused him of molesting their youngest son. There is no truth to it and after 7 years, two court systems (she abducted his sons for several years), the boys are now back with my husband. They are happy, safe, and learning to love their father again. She spent many years alienating the boys from her. Both Courts cleared my husband of the allegations and concluded that she had alienated the boys. The mother can now only see the boys for a few hours a week with a supervisor. There were many attorneys, psychologists involved to make sure it was fully vetted. Unfortunately it’s hard to prove something didn’t happen. And it’s easy for a trusted parent to influence a young child. So it makes it very difficult to know what’s really going on. My husband is a wonderful, loving person with a very big heart. It would have been a tragedy for the boys to not have him in their lives and to have continued to be subjected to psychological abuse from their mother. The system did work in our case for the children and my husband.

  5. January 30th, 2010 at 01:49 | #6

    The system didn’t work in your husband’s case, either. It is very common for borderlines to lie, distort, build alliances with easily manipulated people, and abuse children via means such as parental alienation and other forms of emotional and verbal abuse. The article BPD Distortion Campaigns outlines some of the tactics they use. The children often end up with psychological damage that can take years of treatment into adulthood to manage. The target parents can have their life savings eaten by attorneys and court fees and “experts” who aren’t competent to do their jobs, their careers destroyed, end up in prison, and experience psychological damage as bad or worse than that inflicted upon the children.

    The system failed to prevent the child abduction in your husband’s case, just like it failed to prevent the murders of the Fontaine children in Orange County at the hands of their narcissistic grandmother with cooperation from their mentally ill mother.

    Judges and court officials lack adequate understanding of psychology, fail to put in place reasonable safeguards in high conflict cases, encourage conflict due to their inept handling and refusal to punish perjurers and those who violate court orders without good faith reasons, and drag out court cases that should have been resolved in months into debacles that cost major fractions of a million dollars and virtually the entire lives of some of the children involved. The system is the problem even more than the malicious mentally ill parents are. Such parents are probable broken beyond repair, but the system treats them as if they are credible while persecuting their targets and allowing the children to come to great harm.

  6. October 14th, 2010 at 14:56 | #7

    I went through a “High Conflict” custody battle in the San Diego Family Courts that has turned my life upside down and inside out. It lasted 5.5 years, and only came to an end because I ran out of Loot. All told the professional Lieyers and Thieves made off with, extorted, and/or SOLD my Daughter for about $120KKK.

    As a result I had to either walk away, or to “get a job that pays more” — which is what our last Judge-Buddy told me, rather than to admonish any of the Liars and false accusers.

    I have No Crime record, no driving record, Don’t watch TV, nor look at Porn, attend Church (and have for over 30 years), and had the same job for over 25 years. And yet I was made out to be a criminal (i.e. “unfit” father) for having the audacity to read my daughter a Bible Story from her children’s Bible (at her request) rather than to take her to church, as I normally did.

    The court later back-tracked (on their violation of my constitutional rights as a parent) but did not appologize, nor offer to repay any of the Money that their officials had Stolen, nor to reinstate the “visitation” with my Daughter unless I agreed to undergo a psychiatric evaluation: for walking out on a Scam Artist named Dr. Robert J. Fox.

    My former wife’s Lieyer (William M. Benjamin) even had the audaucity to try to “hand-pick” the psychiatrist, and was given permission to do so by (retired) Judge Hendix. I suspect that he had gotten away with this trick on MANY prior occasions.

    In an attempt to get some sort of “justice” I have also (like MANY others) chosen to go public: on the Internet and have written articles on the nightmare called “Family Court”
    See http://www.earthage.org/familycourt/reforming_the_family_courts.htm and
    http://www.earthage.org/familycourt/sdfamily_court_central.htm for more information on my case and what is, and has been going on for Many years: not just in San Diego, but all over our land, and in Canada and Most of Europe.

    Randy S. Berg

  7. One of Thousands
    October 15th, 2010 at 06:43 | #8

    The posts here are yet more evidence of the bizarre community-destroying practices in family court. Unfortunately, these stories are but a small fraction evidencing how these courts and related “service providers” have grown into an illegal, cancerous cartel. I would encourage readers to peruse the many articles on this site relating to how to respond to a vexatious litigating ex-spouse. Of course one response is simply to “play the litigation game” better than your ex and hope to “win”. However, this is almost always an extraordinarily costly choice bleeding both you and your ex spouse of all financial resources. There’s a reason your crappy divorce lawyer drives a $100,000 car, and it’s not because they graduated at the top of their class from top tier law schools.

    However one option I’d suggest that readers consider is simply not to play the game. Once you grant the courts or your ex the power to control you and your right to see your children, you’re already deep into the maze with little hope of exiting. If you’re facing a BPD/NPD ex, realize now that they’ll do anything to “win” regardless of whether it’s right or wrong. Sadly, the courts are in such chaos that you can have ZERO confidence that a court will be able to detect illegal activity, and even if they do they rarely do anything healthy or significant about it.

    Given that the industry and it’s constituent family court system is intent on breaking the law to abuse you and your children, I’d urge all of you to consider doing the same to protect yourself from such illegal abuse — take self help. Don’t pay the support. Don’t obey the custody rules. Avoid paying any taxes — there are many videos on Youtube sharing details of potential solutions. Alex Russo’s is an excellent start.

    Take the kid to another jurisdiction or even another country — this one is so screwed up there is little hope in the near future it can reverse the extraordinarily harmful direction it’s heading in. Still “Proud to be an American?” Obviously Lee Greenwood hadn’t been through divorce court.

    People need to realize that your government is extremely eager to enslave you to support their ends and the ends of the international money constituents that they serve. And by government what do we mean? Easy — just other people — average joes who happen to have attended law school or otherwise have a job getting paid by your tax dollars. They live off of your hard labor, and do so with a boot on your neck.

    Don’t give them the power that is yours or you’ll soon be begging them to return what you never should have given in the first place.

    Best of luck people.

  8. October 15th, 2010 at 18:47 | #9

    Something else that the article above remined me of is that I am about as certain as possible that my former spouse has “Borderline Personality Disorder” (or something of the like), as she would say and/or do practically anything to make me look bad, or her look good. Our Mediator, Marjorie Ospeck, even told her in one of our “sessions” that she was “the most nitpicky client” that she ever had. She had also caught her telling fibs as well, but covered up for her after I grew tired of always defending myself, and being treated as if I were a teenage kid who is always getting into trouble.

    It is also a fact that I was the one who was always being looked at, and nitpicked, and who had to continually change the way I did something in order to try to please my former spouse. I was also falsely accused on five different occasions, and yet they never asked the court to have my former spouse evaluated to see if she needed help. And now my daughter is growing up without a father simply because I ran out of Money to pay to professional liars and thieves, and because I decided not to “get a job that pays more” but rather to walk away and let the Judge (Lisa Foster) answer to God on the day of Judgment as to why she didn’t ask the one who was making false charges (and who still had Money for a Lieyer) pay for the supervision that she had asked for? Nor did she admonish the Lieyer (who was caught in the act) of decieving the court: on multiple occasions? The “superlawyer” who is also a paid kidnapper: whom I call Billy the Kidnapper. Below are some of the things that he did, and got away with: right under two judge-buddies noses.

    We even had pictures http://www.earthage.org/familycourt/family_court_photo_album.htm

    Randy S. Berg

  9. December 7th, 2010 at 05:21 | #10

    I also should mention that I asked for Dr. Robert J. Fox’s CV (curriculum Vitae, i.e. his Credentials) — in writing, via certified mail — and he refused to provide it. I also asked for Mr. Benjamin’s CV, and he, likewise refused to provide it.

    Three Court Transcripts were also altered in my case. I have been told that this is not all that uncommon: which is why tape recordings are not even made of the hearings, but rather one that you have to PAY (from $40 — $200 or more) for, that can easily be altered by Lieyers like William M. Benjamin: aka Billy the Kidnapper / Crook.

    See below for more on how he operates (on people’s bank accounts and Credit Cards while demolishing what is left of their families).


    See link below for More on how he and his court-buddies operate their cowboy court: http://www.earthage.org/familycourt/family_court_photo_album.htm

  10. Mae
    January 17th, 2011 at 16:53 | #11

    @ Michaela

    Dear Michaela –

    Are the names psychologist Robert Fox or attorney William (Bill Benjamin) familiar to you?
    Several of us (all women) are trying to connect with each other and compare our situation.
    If you feel inclined to share, let me know who you have dealt with that has caused you trouble. We may know them and offer some insight.

    All of us are so injured and paranoid from our horrible experiences with San Diego Family Court, alienation and corruption – that I will understand completely if you prefer not to reply. I am just wondering if the Dr. and attorney above were involved in your case??

    (a mother and grandmother of a once very happy family – now destroyed.

  11. Karen Allen
    May 10th, 2011 at 20:49 | #12

    Unfortunately, what I read above are parents who are so hate-filled they can’t see the damage inflicted on the children. By the time a case ends up with a mediator, therapist or psych evaluation, the courts have been beseiged with vexatious motions, petty accusations and so on. Parental Alienation cases are actually very rare. Accusations of molestation and abuse are SO common, that the courts (believe it or not) have a pretty good handle on it. The stories above are so loaded with venomous situations exploited by one or more of the parents who above all else (including their own children!) want to be proven right. Its these cases that leave the litigants penniless in the end with one of the parents with custody, one without. No, I don’t work for the courts, nor am I an attorney. I’ve worked as a court clerk and a paralegal for the past 25 years and even worked for a LCSW who had to teach the children how to deal with the fallout after these parents.

  12. Karen Allen
    May 10th, 2011 at 20:56 | #13

    @Randy S. Berg
    Go to California State Bar and go to Attorney Search and type in William Benjamin. You can see Mr. Benjamin’s qualifications. By the way, he was my attorney and did an excellent job.

  13. Michelle
    May 20th, 2011 at 18:21 | #14

    CA … HELP!!! How do I change custody if OP is not Supportive of my relationship?
    I live in CA. I am the mother of the 3 children 10,10,&9. I agreed to change of custody when i became pregnant 4 years ago. The father lived 10 minutes from me. I seen the children previously every wed to Thurs and alt weekends Fri to Mon. Dad proposed move away out of county 80 miles in June 2010 it was denied. due to his lack of support of my relationship with children. We have seen several specialist who have all agreed that the children are definitely aligned with the father and he definitely is not supportive of relationship. This was stated in court as judge and mediator came to same conclusion. He has switched the therapist twice, once from one he chose. He moved in Aug2010 giving two weeks notice before school. he moved within the county but west 70 miles. The children have been there for the entire school year and appear okay, however their relationship with me has become increasingly worse. I now see the kids 1st, 3rd &4th weekends Fri- Sun and every other week in the summer. Thur-Thur. He took me to court ex parte in May 2011 to place the children in pop warner. near his home. 3-days a week practices and games every sat. and fundraiser/activities most sun. He is the head coach and his wife is the team mom. The judge set the hearing in due process. In the mean time all three children have went to school on the same day to ask the teachers for help. Their teachers had them write a “Dear Judge” letter, begging to play football. I am completely lost. His very cunning attorney requested a Monte Negro a long time ago . I didn’t know what this was. I do now. What grounds if any do I have to request a change of custody. The hearing is in July 2011 when kids are out of school.

  14. Jacqueline
    August 12th, 2011 at 20:27 | #15

    I am dealing with Dr fox, am a woman and am beign victimized by his horrible unethical and evil practice-interested in a class action suit, have an attorney that will go after him call me 760-781-3865, lets finally take this criminal down.

  15. D Rixey
    November 12th, 2011 at 16:49 | #16

    @ Mae

    On 2/20/2011 my beautiful daughter committed suicide. It was a long and complicated case in which my daughter had obstacles of her own, and many many obstacles deliberately put in place by Dr. Fox and his wife Dr. Holly Avriette. All the professionals involved in this case, including a later psychologist appointed by the court for conjoint therapy, were in favor of re-uniting my daughter with her child. Despite the efforts of so many people on her behalf, the SDFC system relied entirely on the reccomendations put forth by Dr. Fox.
    It is impossible for me to outline the many abusive acts of this doctor in such a small space – not to mention the minor’s counsel who operated in tandem with this appalling individual. My daughter was a sweet and wonderful woman, who did nothing to cause the break up of her marriage from a man to whom she was totally devoted. We as grandparents were so involved with our only daughter and only grandchild that we are lost without them in our lives. Despite having to have – for no reason at all – monitored visits, we persisted and have had only favorable reports. Still we are not allowed any contact whatsoever with our grand daughter.
    Though we are financially and emotionally drained by this horrendous process, I will support, share and volunteer for any effort made to put a stop to the collosal force of evil that is Dr.Fox. Please contact me (Darleene) at 858-279-4131.

  16. One of Thousands
    November 17th, 2011 at 09:12 | #17

    @ Karen Allen:

    Thank you for sharing your positive experience with divorce court. I’m glad there is at least one case in which the court functioned effectively.

    However, I disagree with you that the “above posts” are from “hate-filled” parents. A few points.

    1. I see little “hate filled” speech here. In fact, Angiemedia is one of the few sites which ethically avoids misogynistic/misandranystic positions. In fact, they have been extremely diligent in fair, accurate, and balanced reporting–almost always reporting/editing on both sides of the gender issues. Certainly they comport themselves as court “watchdogs”–but they do so quite fairly–giving credit to the court where credit is due.

    They have reported, for example, about good judges who do not impose excessive government intervention/oversight into private family matters. They regularly praise or offer resources to support reform. Surely one might acknowledge that every organization–every organization–has its bad apples. Why would court be any different? The difference is that judges–unlike you and me–can control people with guns and shields to go kick the butts of anybody they please. As such, they chose to punish critics (severely) rather than police themselves. “Aboslute power corrupts abolutely”–and even moderate or (as judges have) quite strong power corrupts equally.

    Hard to be wrong if you can legally strangle anybody who disagrees with you. Nice work if you can get it.

    2. Certainly there are comments that exhibit frustration, disillusionment, and even anger at the divorce court process. Yet what other emotions would be expected from a loving parent who was (rightfully or wrongfully) deprived of their relationships with their own children and emotional and financial well-being? Can’t imagine anyone happy with being seperated from a cherished loved one by a random–often inaccurate–court decision.

    3. You make a very bizarre statement that deserves discussion:

    ” By the time a case ends up with a mediator, therapist or psych evaluation, the courts have been beseiged with vexatious motions, petty accusations and so on. Parental Alienation cases are actually very rare. Accusations of molestation and abuse are SO common, that the courts (believe it or not) have a pretty good handle on it.”

    Maybe I’m a dunce, but you seem to be saying that “alienation” (false accusations to prevent parent/child contact) is rare, but that “vexatios motions, petty accusations and so on” and “abuse” are “so common that the courts … have a pretty good handle on it.”

    Okay, let’s unpack this. First, if the courts had a “pretty good handle on it” you’d likely not see so many pissed off parents spending their valuable time, money, and efforts to identify the wrongs in family court as you see here and on dozens of other sites.

    I’m a lawyer. I practice in state and federal courts throught the U.S. and internationally. I’ve never heard of or seen the discord in any court of law that is rampant in divorce court. It’s a bizarre anomaly. Rarely do people get killed in non-family superior or federal courts, yet in divorce court it happens all the time. Why? Because divorce courts aren’t doing their job–resolving disputes fairly. Do the research–the judges and lawyers are crappy-bottom of the barrel resumes-and dishonest as they come. Courts not only don’t prosecute divorce court perjury (see Percy Gwin’s explantion that “if we prosecuted perjury court’s would be overrun with criminal cases.” Yeah, so lie), they encourage it. Slapp your ex with a TRO and sling accusations and you’re almost guaranteed complete custody and a big award.

    4. This one is really whack. You state:

    “No, I don’t work for the courts, nor am I an attorney. I’ve worked as a court clerk and a paralegal for the past 25 years and even worked for a LCSW who had to teach the children how to deal with the fallout after these parents.”

    You worked as a “court clerk” but you claim you don’t work for the court. You worked as an LCSW (county court “social worker” employee) for 25 years. But you claim you don’t work for the court. You work as a “paralegal” but claim you don’t work for the court.

    In the words of Bill Cosby “Right.”

    It appears that it’s this kind of stunning blindness to reality that has lead divorce court beasts into the morass that we’re in. Wow.

    5. Even if your accusations were true (which I do not conceed), why would parents be “hate filled”? Maybe, let me think about this for a second, maybe it’s because they got screwed by an unjust process? Maybe it’s not the parents that are wrong for being sold a lemon, maybe there’s a lemon dealer in black robes or a suit and tie driving a $100,000 automobile that has some share of the blame to bear, and if so, who needs to change-the victim or the victimizer?

    Thanks for your input Ms. Allen, but IMHO you’re too close to this extraordinarly harmful process to give a fair opinion. In fairness, my experience in divorce court was horrific-and I’m a lawyer with over 15 years of experience in half a dozen states. Never seen anything like the lack of accountability, truthfullness, respect for rules, and integrity than what I experienced in divorce court. It’s a wreck. As such, I have a very different perspective than you and my opinions are certainly affected by that experience.

    My best to you and all.

  17. Jordana Bauman
    January 20th, 2012 at 18:32 | #18

    Dear Rob,

    I am hoping that you are not just one more smoke screen put up to covertly identify and crucify all those victims injured by Judicial Abuse in the Family Court and Superior Courts. I noticed you left out the Federal Courts ? !

    I am sure that you are unaware of my activity in the Family Court since 2008, as a disabled (TBI) , pro per litigant in the dissolution of my 40 year marriage against my adversarial husband, Attorney Craig J. Bauman (practicing 30 years) who has been defrauding the court regarding his actual earnings in 2008, 2009, 2010 of $23,0000 monthly ($280,000 yearly) to evade Court Orders for Spousal Support, issued by Judge Wohlfeil in 2008 :

    > (2008) under Judge Wohlfeil’s wonderful and fair jurisprudence

    > (2009) Judge Lisa Guy Schall who I removed by Peremptory challenge the 1st week of judicial rotation

    > (2009) Judge Gonzalo Curiel’s first year as a Family Law Judge who ruled in my favor at a Bifurcated Trial for Date of Separation

    > (2010) Judge Curiel’s INTENTIONALLY PUNITIVE Infliction of EMotional and Financial distress sufficient to cause my SEIZURE in his courtroom, hopitalizing me and making me wheelchair bound for 8 months in recovery from costal cartigage fracture of 10 ribs from falling, my right wrist, 3 hernias, and my knee, and bronchial pneumonia contracted from being bedridden so long now COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary dysfunction) and financial disrepair relegating to the streets without finance to sustain shelter.

    while Judge Curiel continued to disregard physician’s orders under ADA MC410, for requests to stay proceedings pending my recovery for injuries sustained in his courtroom and under the American Disabilities Act for Special Accommodations MC410,

    THEREAFTER, CURIEL CONTINUED TO FORCE HEARINGS placing my life in danger of imminent DEATH (already documented in his courtroom July 01, 2010)

    while mocking me with derision and disregard in open court for my (1) physical disablity, (2) dependent state as a female, punishing me for his own denial of funds to pay my attorney – relegating me to Self Representation, 3) and further denying my multiple requests to distribute my own available funds “Pendente Lite for Attorney Fees”

    Relegating me to remain in Pro Per from a wheelchair all of 2011, in a complex divorce and in a losing Trial (execution) against 4 opposing predatory Attorneys: a) Laura Miller, b) Patrick Mazzei, c) Robert Wesley, special master, and Attorney, Craig J. Bauman (1981).

    > (2011) – Judge Curiel’s removal from Family Court

    > (2011) – Judge David Rubin’s appointment exerting more disregard than Curiel had with his denial of complex case designation, denial of “Pendente Lite Attorney Fees, denial of coninuance for recovery, denial of bifurcated disolution

    > (2011) – Judge Alkse’s denial of COMPLEX CASE DESIGNATION, denial of request Attorney fees from my own funds frozen by court, denial of continuance request made under ADA CRC Rule 1.100

    NOW, THAT I AM OUT OF THE WHEELCHAIR MOST OF THE TIME (ALTHOUGH PERMANENTLY DISABLED AS A RESULT OF JUDGE CURIEL AND COURT ABUSE), I AM FIGHTING BACK – but my divorce case has been splintered into 7 other cases as a result of the incredible damages (6 in San Diego) and 4 more across the country as a direct result.



    • January 24th, 2012 at 20:29 | #19


      Those of us running and writing for this site and many others like it do intend to help other people. It’s not some scam to identify and attack the victims of the courts. We have seen that the courts target their opponents illegally for persecution, so we advise caution about revealing identities.

      It sounds like the San Diego courts have harmed you so badly that you have little or nothing to lose by going public with your case.

      I’ve heard other stories of abuse by some of the judges you have mentioned against disabled people.

      There are groups in the Southern California area who are trying to help people in situations like yours. CCFC comes to mind, I see that “One of Thousands” has referred you to them.

      While you may find this hard to believe, many of the men’s and father’s rights groups actually would be interested in helping a person in your situation, too. Fathers and Families often helps mothers who are being abused by the courts because they believe that justice should be blind to gender. The pattern of judicial abuse against you is much like that against many men.

      I am not a lawyer, but I cannot see how a California judge can legally deny you to right to funds to pay for legal counsel when your ex-husband has far superior financial resources and multiple attorneys helping him.

      Alksne is well-known for abuse against litigants and even for abuse against people who have never appeared in her court. She is reportedly moving on to criminal court. Anybody stuck with that incompetent abusive judge in a criminal case should challenge her to get rid of her. In her family law assignment, I am aware of claims that she has improperly denied access to evidence, appears to have colluded with an attorney friend of hers to commit fraud, and reportedly lied about evidence to justify her biased notions of “justice”.

      Nor do I see how “bifurcated dissolution” can be denied. What basis did Judge Rubin cite for this?

      You probably have basis for appeal for all of these things, perhaps that is what some of your cases are about now?

      When judges make such poor decisions that are violations of the law, even a party who wins on appeal has been severely harmed by the financial and emotional damage caused by such abusive judges.


  18. Patriot
    January 24th, 2012 at 21:59 | #20

    Lorna Alksne is a tyrant. She is a sick in the head perverted witch whose allegiance is to Bonnie Dumanis and other abusive government officials. She never read a law she would not violate for them.

  19. February 22nd, 2012 at 15:51 | #21

    @ Karen Allen
    Bill Benjamin, is the minors councel on my case. I only have a moment to reply, although, I will take time to get into this in depth at another post. Kid napper, Is the word to best describe this person. I agree with the previous post that he hand picks his judges,etc.. At this point I find myself trying to get my children out of foster care due to Benjamin, placing them in the custody of my convicted domestic violence husband, who is also 100/% mentally disable and receives money from the U.S due to the mental illness. Benjamin, made up stuff to sound like I was unfit, although admitted : I have no proof of these allegations against her just a gut feeling. All I can say for now. I will post at a later date. Cheryl

  20. Darleene Rixey
    March 26th, 2012 at 21:05 | #22

    Dear Cheryl and Michaela – please reach me 858 279 4131 regarding lawyer Bill Benjamin and dr. Robert J Fox. I am not hate filled, but I am determined to shed some light on the rampant disregard for the rights of families who have the misfortune to be involved with them while going through family court. As for the person above stating that he was her FINE lawyer – I wonder how her husband feels about that. ALL members of a family are entitled to be treated fairly. This does NOT happen when these two professionals are involved. I am trying to reach as many people as possible who have suffered at their hands. Please feel free to call me – believe me you are not alone – there are many!!

  21. khara
    April 24th, 2012 at 21:56 | #23

    Have been going through 3 years of court with ex,I have a stalking order but that doesnt work either, after settling divorce and i received full custody, he then took me back to court to get full custody telling the judge i kept our daughter from him the last 3 yrs so he wants his child support arrearage taken away when the fact is he never even called or simply text her , the judge ruled in his favor on arrearage and now she is suppose to just go to him every other weekend when she doesnt even know him and is afraid of him because she witnesseed him strangle me and if it wasnt for her hitting him and yelling at him i probably wouldnt be alibe so how do i just hand her over if she is terrified?

    • April 25th, 2012 at 04:28 | #24


      Statistically speaking, violence between adults in a relationships does not inherently translate into violence against children. Studies show that most violent adult relationships involve violence by both partners against each other, often because they are trying to control each other inappropriately. Most children, at least prior to teenage years, know that the parents are in charge and so the conflict over control issues is probably going to be a lot less.

      How old is your daughter? That information might help you get some better advice.

      Here’s what I’d do if I was in your situation. I’m not saying the situation is right, courts are often getting things wrong and making problems worse. And then you are left with trying to figure out what to do to make a bad situation the least bad it can be. So in this situation, you are saying your daughter is afraid of her father but she is going to be seeing him one way or another.

      I would recommend against denying contact with the father or not cooperating with the visitation orders as given what you’ve written you are likely to get slapped with a contempt of court action if you don’t cooperate. That would probably mean things will turn out worse for both you and your daughter. So you have to find a way to make this as pleasant and safe as possible for your daughter.

      As you haven’t painted a full picture of what was going on in the relationship and your family histories (both you and your ex), I can only say that in general there are a lot of people who are not violent but when they are extremely stressed out they may become violent. In fact this probably applies to most people, even people you would not imagine being violent. People who were abused as kids often tend to be more violent in relationships or develop adverse behaviors that encourage violence, e.g. a behavior pattern in which they will escalate verbal and emotional abuse against a person until they drive that person to a physical reaction of violence. It is not healthy, but it happens a lot.

      You can explain to your daughter that in adult relationships sometimes things go really wrong and somebody gets violent. It is not right and violence has no place in adult relationships, but it still sometimes happens. However, that doesn’t mean the person will be violent with a child. The number one thing somebody can do to avoid violence if you cannot avoid contact (which she cannot avoid) is to avoid getting into an argument in the first place. Arguments usually start over control issues. So tell her that if she behaves well with her father, simply acts like a good kid and just tries to get along and have a good time, she will in all likelihood be fine and in fact she may actually enjoy spending time with her father. Don’t say anything to make her more afraid, it will work against you and her to do so.

      Is there a re-unification counselor or therapist assigned to this case? That person may be able to give you some more precise advice. If there isn’t one, I think it may be appropriate to get one involved if you can.


  22. Andrew_S
    May 15th, 2012 at 14:52 | #25

    As I have been pretty much sailing my own ship as are most of us navigating family court biases for the last nine years. I have endured my last volley of false allegations, which actually over time either through good directions given by a professional the former spouse has learned to maximize damage with impunity.

    Here are the results or summaries given by CPS.

    ‘This worker did not find any evidence of maltreatment or unsafe living conditions in the home of (father) and nnnnnn. (Mother) has many numerous allegations over many years and none of the allegations have been Substantiated. According to the police, this appears to be a case of parental alienation. Case is closed in (xxxxxx) County CPS.’……….

    ‘The allegations in the CPS report are unsubstantiated. It is this worker’s opinion that this case represents a serious case of parental alienation, not maltreatment, of which father is a victim and, ultimately, these children will grow up not knowing their father, as a consequence. According to (Father) he has fought for custody for his children for 7 years and lost numerous jobs as a result of (mother’s) meddling and stalking type behaviors. The court custody case has cost him tens of thousands of dollars and he has not been able to keep a job in his field as he reports that Mother has been successful in finding out where he works and subsequently gets him fired Case Closure is recommended as no CPS concerns are noted.’

    Any one any thoughts on what to do next ?

    The last time I tried to address the issue, the judge just basically said what do you want me to do about it ? He is not going to prosecute her.

    • May 15th, 2012 at 22:01 | #26


      Here are some ideas for you to consider, but keep in mind I’m not a lawyer, I don’t know your full situation, and this is not legal advice.

      Have you considered talking with the District Attorney and pushing for prosecution of your ex for filing malicious reports with CPS and for harassment that has repeatedly cost you your employment?

      You may be able to file for a restraining order against your ex for harassment and ban her from filing CPS or police reports without first running them by a neutral third party to be appointed by the court and to be paid for at her expense. Based upon the job loss she has caused you via harassment, you may also be able to get her banned from contacting your employer or trying to find out where you work upon penalty of arrest by the police if she violates the order.

      You may be able to file a civil suit for harassment, defamation, malicious prosecution, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and unintentional infliction of emotional distress with compensatory and punitive damages. If you do this, also file for a restraining order to help push any future harassment into the criminal domain where the DA is more likely to prosecute.

      Many states have a legislative requirement that the courts place children with the parent who best facilitates the children’s ability to have relationships with both sides of the family. You could file for a change in custody based upon how she by making many false malicious reports of child abuse over the course of many years is clearly violating the children’s interests in having healthy stable relationships with both parents.

      You may also be able to ask for the court to appoint a high conflict case manager or parental coordinator who will act to mediate and document disputes and to advise the court if a parent is acting irresponsibly or with malice.

      If she has violated a court order, you probably have to file a contempt of court motion to get the judge to do anything about it.

      If the judge is unwilling to follow the law, you may file a motion to recuse for cause citing evidence that the judge has ignored the law and/or acted with bias. You may also file complaints with whatever oversight agency exists in your jurisdiction such as a judicial oversight board that hears and investigates complaints against judges. Be cautious about this as it is common for the courts and government agencies to retaliate against people who file complaints against them or their associates.

      Hope this helps,

  23. Andrew_S
    May 16th, 2012 at 06:31 | #27

    Thanks Chris, for the response believe it or not I have tried most if not all of your remedies. So much so that I am beyond bankruptcy and earn less now than my CS payments and last round of court appointed GAL and psych fees. I did employ at great expense a writer and psychiatrist of one of the reference books for lawyers on custody issues. That was a big waste of money as the judge at that time referred to his work and testimony as not credible. As the jurisdiction over the financial part of my life is in two counties with one holding a continuous contempt motion I am in fear that if I motion the court in one more action the other will invoke the contempt and Jail me to keep me from pursuing the action. However of note is the allegations are often quite serious enough that the police do fully investigate them as well as CPS, as indicated in the last CPS Statement and even the police have stated there is nothing they can do or the ADA, DA or Sheriff is unwilling to prosecute. They don’t as a matter of policy prosecute mothers I was told. The list of accusations are extensive, progressively creative and of course as I am led to understand the real issue, constructive towards the court awarding sole custody to the mother anyway whether it is alienation or constructive abandonment they are the same practice. Which is basically what the former spouse told me which is pay your child support and don’t even try to see the kids or else. So the impunity is as reflective as the Judges addiction to immunity. I have been advised by the GAL who was active in the case that the only way for me to stop this is to give the former spouse what she wants and that is as I am told by many my only choice left which is forfeit all and any rights to the children. I am loathe to do this, but even my girlfriend is afraid of the former spouse and now especially of the children after what the mother has told them to say. I am also as I have experienced and been told, the state has endless sums of money to investigate these things, whether false or alleged, but all that needs to happen is they get lucky with just a wrong statement only once and my goose is federal bitch material. It is quite a catch 22.

  24. Andrew_S
    May 17th, 2012 at 03:49 | #28

    What happened to my last post, delete them all or explain or even at least let me know why.

    • May 17th, 2012 at 20:08 | #29


      Due to recent problems with a “psycho ex’ spamming the site with obvious threats and defamation, the commenting system was changed to being all moderated instead of moderated for first-time commenters only. Unfortunately this sometimes means it takes a couple of days before somebody checks and reviews them and approves them for publication. Sorry about any confusion this has caused.


  25. Andrew_S
    May 17th, 2012 at 04:43 | #30

    @Andrew_S I apologise but I posted a remark that I will try and clear up to indicate that my former spouse did remarry not soon after my divorce, but has extended her attacks to those of my girlfriend of some years now and her children, which scares the crap out of all of us, more particularly as the GF,s children are boys and also so vulnerable by association with me. It really is not fair ! It is made even worse when her spouse is also enjoined in the same campaign. The weird almost clinical thing is and very strange behavior is the new husband videos the children interacting and denying me visitation just like some kind of surreal game, then they go back to their vehicle and report to the police that the children are terrified of me. The children also report that I abuse them and hit them on the back of the head. Bizarre behavior.

  26. Realist
    May 17th, 2012 at 21:15 | #31


    Your story is a common one in the US. Over the years, I have had the opportunity to talk with many people from “totalitarian” nations such as China and “systemically corrupt” nations such as India and Mexico. And I have come to realize that the US is truthfully even more corrupt and totalitarian than many of these nations.

    US family law policies and refusal to prosecute false police reports and perjury are causing severe damage to the victims and taxpayers alike. These policies are a violation of fundamental US legal principles such as “innocent until proven guilty” and “equal protection under the law”. Failure to enforce the law encourages more violations of the law.

    American government policy is more extremely destructive to the lives of many people than what the vast majority of citizens in “lawless” or “corrupt” nations experience. By inference, I came to know that the US is actually a lawless corrupt totalitarian nation that has managed to successfully lie to the world about what it is doing to harm its own citizens.

    The US is a human rights violator of staggering proportions. You have to look no further than its agencies involving in enforcing family law and “domestic violence” law to see that. But unlike many nations in which people’s rights are violated to keep them from protesting against the government or backing alternatives to the government’s party line, in the US this extreme abuse is happening to many people who had done NOTHING AT ALL to anger the government. They have the misfortune of having children with a sociopath or being otherwise involved with a sociopath, and so the government becomes an ally of the sociopath and will not admit its mistakes.

    The US Federal Government has created compelling financial incentives for state and local governments to violate the law to gain access to federal financing of their government operations from Title IV funding, VAWA, etc. Since the Feds didn’t create any means to file a complaint that would pull the funding when it is being used to abuse citizens, the locals got the message that they can abuse people (especially men) all they like and the Feds will pay them to do it. As a county board member, abusing fathers is a great way to fund a few dozen (or hundred in a big county) police and social services positions in your county and to be able to entice the feminists to vote for you.

    Some Americans are being intentionally targeted by local governments and courts after they file justifiable complaints against government employees or agencies for misconduct, violation of the law, abuse of process, and many other crimes by the government. File a complaint against an abusive CPS employee and just see how long it takes for them to come up with a lie to take your kids. This second category is more like what you’d expect to see in a totalitarian nation, which is why the way American governments operate is actually quite consistent with totalitarian practices.

    You and hundreds of thousands of Americans in situations like yours will never be safe in the United States or in any nation that the US controls. If you follow international news, you may be aware that the US routinely threatens its allies to force them to do what the US wants. This isn’t over just military actions such as overflight zones to use to wage war on other nations. I recall reading about how the US recently forced Spain to implement Internet laws to its liking (similar to the abusive SOPA laws the US government tried to pass but which the Internet community rose up to oppose) by threats to damage the Spanish economy via sanctions. Spain caved in, just like most US allies do when they are threatened by the American government. You and others in your position would not be safe in any country that is aligned with the US. They would gladly hand you over to the US based upon lies rather than risk angering the US to stand for justice.

    It sounds like you are not seeing your kids much, anyway, and that the government won’t change that even though they know very well what is happening to you is criminal. They figure it looks politically risky to them to follow the law and prosecute a lying abusive mother, so they would rather do nothing, get the federal funding that comes with investigating her lies, and let you and your kids suffer.

    You have three options left:

    1) Launch a media campaign against the terrorist ex and her activities to expose what she is doing. Often these people are experts at manipulating others to help them attack you. But many of their accomplices do not know the facts and are motivated by a hatred of you that was created via lies. If they actually knew the truth, they might stop.

    2) Launch a media campaign to put pressure on the local government to prosecute her.

    3) Leave the US to some safer nation and don’t return.

    All are risky options.

    Option #1 can result in you being further attacked by the ex and the government as she dupes government idiots into believing that you are the problem and she is an innocent victim.

    Option #2 puts you into being an “enemy of the state” and they may move to persecute you personally far worse than what you have already experienced. It doesn’t take much to get the cops to start lying, CPS to take actions against you to punish you for complaining, and the court to toss you in jail for supposedly violating an order when in fact they are ignoring that your ex is violating orders and lying. Many government officials are friends and cover each other’s tails. If you get on their black list, you can expect many of them to gang up on you.

    Option #3 is better, but you are left with moving to a safer nation like China or Russia or someplace else that often stands up to the US and has enough military power to defend itself against American aggression. Iran isn’t a good option, figure that the US will invade it and if you get caught there and the US government wants to ruin you then you’ll be called the next American Taliban.

    It puzzles me as to why China in particular isn’t making American human rights violations big news given how the US dumps on China for its human rights violations. Perhaps it has tried but the US has too much control over the international press and media and can silence or subvert the message.

    These options are not mutually exclusive. You could move to somewhere safe with good Internet access like China and then launch your campaigns to expose your lying ex and to force the government to follow the law. Your ex and the government will be sure to label you as “anti-American” and maybe even as a criminal or terrorist to distract from the facts you have to present. Don’t let them label you that way. The real anti-Americans, criminals and terrorists are American government officials.

  27. Realist
    May 17th, 2012 at 21:19 | #32

    I forgot option #4 cause as a true Christian I don’t like it much. Kill the ex and plead insanity due to harassment. It works for women. Even those who were the abusers. Maybe a guy should give it a try?

  28. Paul Bas
    October 23rd, 2012 at 13:44 | #33

    @Karen Allen

    He was my attorney and I would never use him again. Mr. Benjamin and his experts Dr. Russell S. Gold and Marjorie J. Ospeck bill me for over $22,000 in eleven months and only made things worse for me and my kids. I went to a non court buddy therapist through my EAP and he opened my eyes to the games these guys were playing. They invented problems that you don’t have and let you to believe that they are helping you but only helping you to their wallets. What therapist charges $300/hour, only court buddy therapists. After my hearing Ospeck calls me for a meeting and proceeds to tells me that my kids are doing well and that my time should be increased but I need to keep meeting with her for $200/ hour, see the scam. If I had to do it all over again I would have hired Marjorie Huntington, I meet with her and her advice was when kids turn 15 they do what they want.

  29. Cathy J
    February 28th, 2013 at 14:08 | #34

    A high conflict situation and parent alienation is devastating enough, but then add an incompetent, unprofessional, and biased mediator who reports to the court, is the nail in your coffin. If you want any hope in having the court system support what is truly in the best interests of the children and expose the high conflict and damaging parent for who he/she is, do not use Marjorie Ospeck in San Diego. Her recommendations are horrific and support the alienation of a high conflict personality.

  30. Paul Bas
    April 1st, 2013 at 21:00 | #35

    After six months of seeing Marjorie J. Ospeck, two continuances and over $5000 paid to her she recommended that I have 1) supervised care continue, 2) submit to EtG tests to detect alcohol for one year and have the results sent to her 3) monitored telephone call with the children so could bill us for listening to the recordings, and 4) weekly therapy.
    I ended up having a all day trial that cost me over $8K. the Judge in Department 4 said he would never order the EtG test based on what he heard and had never ordered for me to have supervised visits which he felt were artificial. William Benjamin after an all day trial said “she got it all wrong”, gee really? Ospeck is the worst that I have ever seen, the legal community needs to do something about her.
    My Employee Assistance Program (EAP) therapist reviewed Ospeck’s report and told me he never seen such a bias report and to avoid contact with her in his words “Ospeck is not helping you”.
    If you are in this mess and can afford Yanon Volcani PH. D $150/ hour take your kids to see him, that guy is good, in touch and mental health profession that wants to do the right thing. Warren O’Meara is good also, he gave me 75% share of my daughter that I had with my first wife.

  31. DM
    July 21st, 2014 at 00:56 | #36

    @ Andrew_S

    Is there any possibility of a US Supreme Court Challenge of the US Family Court Judicial System?

    50% of the married population enters the US Family Court System. It seems to me many find themselves in this system hurt when punishment is not applied where and when needed for behavior, perjury and lies.

    With such a large percentage of the population affected would it possibly be a successful target for a fundanything.com campaign which could then focus all funds and efforts on fundamental change to the system that is at present flawed?

    I am in favor of finding a way to fix the system.
    It absolutely must be done so that the flaws so prevalent now do not affect the next generation and generations beyond in the same way it is destroying the lives of those in the system today.


  32. DM
    July 21st, 2014 at 01:04 | #37

    @ One of Thousands


    You are a lawyer practicing in State and Federal Court.

    How do we fix this severe problem?
    It is adversely affecting too many people, it absolutely must be fixed.

    It is possible to initiate a Supreme Court Challenge of the Family Law Judicial System in America?

    How do we fix this problem?
    How do we obtain the funds necessary to fix it?

  33. Raymond Hoskins
    September 30th, 2016 at 09:36 | #38

    This is my wife exactly,i am filing a contempt document Order To Show Cause & Affadavit for contempt,She is never on time with the phone visits,shes blocked all of my emails to my daughter through Bday,July 4th,Thanksgiving She blocked all the songs I wrote to her and everything else,and the R/O SHE FILED 3 YEARS AGO as been broken by her she allowed me to go to my daughters school but shouldn’t 3 times.
    What are your thoughts?

  34. Rosa
    June 16th, 2021 at 17:11 | #39

    @Randy Berg
    Dear Randy, I am sending you my deepest sympathy:( I unfortunately am going through a very similar situation. My X has had me in court for over 10 years, this time around he has our daughter seeing Dr Fox and his lawyer is Benjamin. Can you please email me? I would really like some more of your opinion. [email protected] Take care and hope to hear from you soon. Rosa

  1. February 3rd, 2009 at 23:39 | #1

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