The Family Terrorist
Written by: Rob
Print This Article
Use of Our Content (Reposting and Quoting)
This web site (linked here and below) has a chapter from a book written by an author (Erin Pizzey) who founded DV shelters for women in the 1970s. She talks about what many people run into during a divorce, especially with a spouse who suffers from a personality disorder such as BPD. Despite the author’s background in dealing with violence against women, she clearly states that it is not only men who are abusive. She discusses how women can be “emotional terrorists” and do immense damage to families, even leading to the deaths of family members. She notes that many of these emotional terrorists cause the breaking up of families and further become highly active during divorces, using false allegations, financial ruination, litigation, threats, defamation, child abduction, refusal to cooperate with visitation and custody orders, and other means to control and dominate their families and ex-spouses.
Erin Pizzey is pretty smart, at least she is doing something about this and not just ignoring the danger that can happen. When children are involved they pay the most in a life time of damage and grief — if they make it!
We need further education — the system needs to know, listen, care and do better before it is way too late!
I was talking to my ex-wife about five years ago when our son was in the hospital after a bad car wreck, and found out that her attorney and the man she was having an affair with were the ones who pressured her into demanding a temporary restraining order because they claimed I would kidnap the kids and in demanding alimony despite her owning her house free and clear thanks to an inheritance from her father’s estate.
All of this after she threw her affair in my face in front of the kids, and agreed to an uncontested, mediated divorce before running to an attorney and raking me over the coals, including the [female] judge restricting my visitation because I couldn’t afford the three bedroom apartment in a nice neighborhood that the judge said I had to have in order for her to grant me overnight visitation after paying temporary alimony and child support.
With friends like this, who needs enemies.
The main link I find between the young people I work with is family breakdown and a distinct lack of male role models. In my work with young offenders I find that a vast majority of them have no contact with their fathers and often no clear idea of who they are. This leads to feelings of abandonment and a lack of self worth. In workshops that we run many of them openly blame their absent fathers for the lack of direction in their lives and admit that the only male role models they have are friends of a similar age. As I work with a number of gang related offenders in North London this is obviously a worrying state of affairs. In my work with failing students I have found that again most of the young men have no father figures; indeed, the boys that i have helped to achieve educational goals are the boys who usually see me as a substitute for their absent fathers. Although I know it crosses the line, I sometimes receive phone calls after work and on the weekends from my young clients to seek advice or just to hear a friendly sensible voice. As a result of my approach, I have rescued 3 young people from the notorious Wood Green Mob (Google them if you have not heard of them!) in the last 5 months. All of these boys are younger than 17 and have all realised that they only became involved in gangs because they crave acceptance from senior male figures. I am not professing to be a modern day Jesus or a know it all, but I am aware of what affects the young people around me. It breaks my heart to know that after all the time i have invested in my son- willingly as opposed to a sense of duty- that he is being encouraged to follow in the footsteps of the same youth that I work so hard to influence. In the past 4 months my son (who started secondary school i n sept 2010) has spent 30% of his time in referal due to his disruptive behaviour and is behind in 7(!) subjects.When he stays at his mother’s house on the weekend he spends his time playing adult themed computer games such as Modern Warfare, GTA and Gears of War. As we currently live in Haringey and I am faced with the results of these factors on a daily basis I am now more fearful of him slipping through the cracks than ever. And what advice from his mother’s Social worker? Not to harass her and wait for her to approach me.