Talking with a BorderlineWritten by: Rob Print This Article
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The way victims of Borderline Personality Disorder and similar personality disorders communicate is confusing and upsetting to many. If you’ve been living with such a person, you’ll find this animation to be a common, perhaps even a tame, version of things that often happen to you. If not, it may give you some insights into how miserable Borderlines can make the lives of their loved ones.
The animation below is a typical example of what it’s like to talk with a loved one who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. If the embedded video player doesn’t show up below, to play the video in another window you have two choices. Either click here to watch from xtranormal.com or click here to play from YouTube.
Did you notice how the husband was calm and rational, while the wife was angry, accusing, and unreasonable? Yet she falsely played the victim and asserted control with her mind games.
Borderlines frequently pick fights for no reason apparent to their targets. Often such fights are not about things that most people would see as real issues. Instead, they are about controlling the people around them to either make themselves feel better or to get what they want.
They may rage at their targets in verbally and emotionally abusive ways. Yet they have the gall to blame the target for the abusive language and emotions they are showing. This is known as projection. It seems they want to distract from their own questionable behaviors, so they will blame somebody else for doing worse. And they love to play victim of imagined hurts and spites from their targets.
Borderlines are often very controlling, frequently while accusing a victim of theirs as being controlling or uncaring. Using emotional blackmail and threats of false reports to the police or others who might be duped into taking their side are some of the ways they establish and maintain control.
The discussion is primarily about them and their inner emotional turmoil, not so much about the target. They are upset and somebody else has to be blamed for it whether it’s accurate or not.
Imagine living with these kinds of exchanges on daily basis. The frequent unpredictability, jabs, blaming sessions, and insults make you feel insecure and cut down your self-esteem over time. You’re being abused, but are at the same time are being falsely accused of being the abuser. This is particularly difficult for men to handle as they are socially conditioned to try to take responsibility for fixing problems. Yet BPD is not a problem a significant other can solve.
What’s often worse than being the target of this kind of treatment is how the Borderline frequently involves children in their conflicts. The children become a form of property to be used as tools to attack and blame. Over time, the children may start to pick up some of the hostility of the borderline and show symptoms of parental alienation.
If you’re in a relationship with a Borderline, you’ve got to shift your focus from solving their problems (which you can’t) to protecting your children and yourself. If you decide terminating the relationship is the best course of action, that would not be surprising.
However, be prepared for the tactics the Borderline will likely use on you in retaliation. Their behaviors are likely to become even more outrageous and destructive than usual, often wrongly using courts, CPS, and police to falsely turn you into a criminal.
Here is additional information you should read to prepare yourself: