Borderline Mother, Miserable Father

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April 16th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

People who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder are often sexually promiscuous. They may have learned early in life that sex is a way to control or manipulate others, possibly because they were sexually abused as children. Borderline women may have unusual fascinations regarding sex with “unavailable” men that lead them to affairs with men who already have relationships and might even be married.

Borderline women have a unique feature that Borderline men don’t have — they can become pregnant. As Borderlines often have abandonment issues, behaviors that many of them exhibit are to conceive a child with a man whom they have told they are using birth control, can’t get pregnant, or some other distortion to reassure the man that they aren’t going to inadvertently father a child.

But the Borderline woman may simply be lying to cover up her intent to become pregnant. She may not be taking any birth control pills or it may be prime time during her menstrual cycle for getting pregnant. She might have punched a whole in her supply of condoms so they won’t work. She might even use the contents of a discarded condom to impregnate herself after her “catch” has fallen asleep or left. The end result is that a man who has a relationship with a Borderline woman has a very high chance of having children with her without his consent.

Such a Borderline woman then often proceeds to use the child as a way to alleviate their abandonment anxieties. Sometimes the way this works is to trap the father into a long-term relationship that cannot be severed because of the child.

Other times, she pushes the father away at a distance that feels “safe” to her lest he threaten her sense of the child being her personal property. Thus she may end the relationship, leaving him without the knowledge he has a child until much later. Or they may use parental alienation techniques or false accusations to get him to stay away or have him locked up in jail based upon lies.

Shari Scheiber, M.A., has written the article BLACKMAILED INTO FATHERHOOD;
Borderline women, and men who love them
that discusses these unusual behaviors of Borderline women. Men should be very, very cautious about getting involved in a relationship with a woman who shows any of the behavioral patterns she cites:

Women who ‘entrap’ are typically bright, attractive/alluring, highly seductive and charismatic–but their moods are mercurial, and behaviors patterns are extremely unstable. Relationships are characterized by an ongoing series of breakups or periods of distancing, and reunions. Wildly alternating relational dynamics (come here/go away) can feel confusing and emotionally injurious, leaving you with the sense that they either love you or hate you. Within the same day or hour their perceptions of you can shift dramatically–and you’ll be feeling adored/idealized or devalued/criticized/rejected. These behaviors and traits are consistent with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Borderlines are narcissistic–but you’ll also observe other problems, such as; desperate attempts to gain attention, intense/irrational abandonment fears, lack of empathy, extreme jealousy, lying, poor impulse control, extra-marital affairs, drug/alcohol abuse, hypersexuality, ‘crazy-making’ interactions, low self-esteem, rebound relationships, passive-aggression, cognitive distortion, self-harming behaviors, eating disorders, suicidal ideation, stalking, etc.

This article has a lot of insights for men to help them avoid getting permanently entangled in a destructive relationship with a Borderline woman in which the children involved will likely also suffer a great deal. It also explains much about the behaviors of Borderlines and the damage they can cause to you. It’s a recommended read.

  1. jjones444
    December 9th, 2010 at 14:24 | #1

    What kind of horrible women would do this? Intentionally getting pregnant with a married man’s child? I think for some of them it can be considered Borderline Personality Disorder, but I think other women who are just emotionally and mentally unstable are also liable to pull a stunt like this. There’s no excuse for this. There are enough divorce child custody cases in this world, we don’t need women to purposely instigate it.

  2. Helen H
    May 22nd, 2013 at 13:45 | #2

    My husband dated a girl 19 years ago that had BPD. She was 17 and a high school drop out looking to score a sugar daddy.Her method of trapping a man was through screaming and yelling at the man at all hours of the night until he relented and had sex with her.She managed to get pregnant after only being 3 months into the relationship with my husband, she miscarried that one (thankfully),,,4 months later and supposedly on birth control she was pregnant again but he was doubtful because she was in and out of the house and continuously hanging out with different men.Anyhow, 10 months of no contact with her and then being served he soon discovered that the child was in fact his.This child is now 18 and a half and has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder ( a severe emotional disturbance)…she tied him to a crib, starved him, neglected his emotional need, denied my husband access to him, accused my husband of dragging her down the driveway by the hair, called me a psychopath.Sadly her son has had too many behavioral issues, he can`t reside in our home.He lives with a foster family…and she`s abandoned him twice.He was a meal ticket to her, nothing else

  3. DepthTested
    March 15th, 2016 at 20:03 | #3

    I’ve lived this hell. I was moving away for my career when a woman I was having casual sex with (she said she was infertile) suddenly said she was pregnant. I realized she was crazy and went on with my plans. Though I’ve tried to be in my child’s life, she made it virtually impossible. He was merely an extension of her. She knew I wouldn’t let her in my life, but that it would be difficult to refuse hi, And she was right.

    Nonetheless, eventually i had to move on to protect my sanity and that of my wife and a child we had together. It’s all very sad. But the person most hurt by all this was the child who was born through entrapment. He will have to someday face the fact that his Dad never really wanted him, and his mother has damaged his mind.

  4. Gloating Rich Guy
    August 24th, 2017 at 17:40 | #4


    It’s sad that our court system isn’t more aware of these women. The damage they do to people’s live is immeasurable. The child will enmeshed and parentalized, causing him to grow up thinking the whacky thinking of his mother is real, while in fact, she’s extremely disturbed. As an adult, the child will have a difficult time breaking free from his mother’s influence. He will suffer from self esteem issues and possibly addiction issues. Usually, the father has been driven from the child’s life or turned into nothing more than a pay check. The child will be taught to see him in the same way. Try to get too close to the child and the mother will behave in a way that drives the father away. It’s a sad state of affairs all around.

  1. July 8th, 2009 at 00:07 | #1
  2. November 14th, 2009 at 03:05 | #2

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