BPD Distortion Campaigns
Written by: Rob
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One of the classic behaviors of a person suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder is the vilification campaign. The target is the person against whom the perpetrator Borderline conducts the vilification. The intent is to destroy the target’s reputation and thereby destroy the target’s relationships with family and friends, employers, co-workers, doctors, teachers, therapists, and others. The intent may even be to force the target to leave the community, put the target in prison, or even kill the target. As with so many things involving Borderlines and their typical inability to understand or respect boundaries, there really are no limits. They will use basically any means available to them to cause damage to their target, including denigration, endless disparaging remarks, fabrication, false accusations, and even teaching others (including their children!) to lie on their behalf as part of their vilification campaign.
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Distortion Campaigns Not Limited to BPD Victims
People without BPD may practice vilification campaigns, also, but they are often tied to BPD or similar personality disorders, especially Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The classic BPD book Stop Walking on Eggshells
It’s a myth that only women have BPD. Older research suggested that about 75% of BPD cases occur in women and that about 2% of the population is affected. Newer research shows that the ratio is probably closer still, possibly nearly evenly split, and that as much as 6% of the population may suffer from it.
It can be very difficult to distinguish BPD from similar personality disorders, particular from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) as both tend to involve a lot of emotional abuse. Many believe that males are more likely to have NPD and females BPD. Other disagree. Psychology is a very subjective science. Gender bias in therapists and researchers often makes it even more subjective.
Please don’t assume if I use a gender-specific pronoun such as “he” or “she” that I mean the statement only applies to men or women. Writing in a gender-neutral manner in English can be awkward at times because the language lacks a truly gender-neutral third person pronoun for people that could replace the use of “he” and “she”. “It” just doesn’t sound right, and repetitively using “he or she” makes for some annoying reading.
Most of what I write here about distortion campaigns applies equally to men and women suffering from BPD or NPD or even a combination of the two as. Recent research shows that BPD and NPD are often present at the same time.
Distortion Campaign Does Not Intend to Help the Target
It’s critical to differentiate between a real distortion campaign and something that may look like one but is not. For instance, Borderlines often have drug and substance abuse problems. If a family member or friend of a Borderline tries to get help for the Borderline by discussing the problems with other family members and friends, this is not a distortion campaign. It is based upon caring about the person and trying to discuss what is going wrong in order to get help. There is not intent to harm. But a Borderline may have a very hard time distinguishing the intent of helping and lack of intent to harm. Such a friend or family member may be accused by the Borderline of conducting a distortion campaign, even though this is not accurate.
Not All Borderlines Practice Distortion Campaigns
It’s important to note that not all Borderlines practice distortion campaigns. Some exhibit more “acting in” behaviors in which they hurt themselves, such as self-mutilation (often cutting), suicide attempts, and primarily self-destructive behaviors like substance abuse or binge eating. The Borderlines who practice distortion campaigns tend to exhibit “acting out” behaviors. They go after others with the intent of hurting them.
Typical Targets: Current or Former Family Members
Distortion campaigns are often done behind the scenes against people who are or were related or emotionally close to the perpetrator. They may start months or years before the target is even aware of the campaign. For instance, the breakup of a relationship is often connected to a distortion campaign against a former partner. The campaign may have started a long time before the breakup, to give the Borderline “justification” regarding what she or he has done or is about to do to the target, be it having an affairs(s), kicking them out of a home, filing false domestic violence charges, running away with the children, stealing large quantities of joint money and property, or some other hostile actions. By the time the target is aware of the distortions, people around the Borderline may have been hearing for a long time that the target is some evil, horrible, cruel person as part of the distortion campaign.
Borderline Recruits Others to Lie and Distort
The BP (short for “Borderline Personality” or “Borderline Person”) is likely to make extreme false allegations, distortions, and varied lies to defame and harm her or his former partner and other targets. The BP is also likely to involve many other people in the distortion campaign. Many are passive participants who will listen and believe the BP’s lies. Others become actively involved in spreading them further. The target may find that there are dozens of people, many whom have never met him or her, who believe and repeat the lies of the BP.
Common Lies and Distortions
What lies do BPs tell? Often they revolve around false claims of partner abuse, child abuse, perverse sexual behaviors, drug and substance abuse, mental illness, and criminal conduct. BPs tend to pick false accusations that are difficult to disprove. Although we supposedly live in a society in which people are “innocent until proven guilty”, the reality is, that is not how people are treated. This is especially the case when accusations of sexual abuse, child abuse, and spousal abuse are involved. The victims of the distortion campaign often are treated as pariahs or even criminals, assumed to be guilty without any evidence whatsoever.
The perhaps surprising aspect of many of these defamatory statements is that they are not about the target at all. Often BPs are aware at some level that they themselves are doing these bad behaviors. So instead of taking responsibility for their own problems, they blame them on others. This behavior is known as “projection.” (See Wikipedia: Psychological Projection)
For example, an emotionally and physically abusive BP female will falsely accuse her male partner of abuse. A typical example might be a distortion such as blaming him for an incident of physical abuse. She may tell others that her husband got mad at her, started yelling and screaming at her, and then slammed the door on her hand to break her finger. This might even be part of the truth. She’ll get a lot of sympathy, people will think bad things about her husband, and she gains allies. That is, so long as nobody hears the full truth before they’ve been effectively brainwashed by her.
The full truth might be that she was very angry at her husband. She came at her husband with a knife while berating him loudly. (Reputable studies indicate that females use weapons to commit domestic violence more than males do.) She might have been drunk, or maybe was just irate. (Borderlines often have substance abuse problems and nearly always have trouble controlling their emotions — it is sometimes called “Emotional Intensity Disorder.”) He may have then yelled “Stay away from me!”, fled the room, and slammed the door behind him as he tried to get away. He was acting in self-defense trying to escape a bad situation the BP wife created. But she will reliably tell everybody that he screamed at her, slammed the door on her hand and broke her finger. She will portray it as a pattern of abuse by him, even though the real abuser is her. This is lying by partial truth and distortion. BPs excel at this. They are believed and seldom questioned because of their emotional intensity and conviction they exhibit while they repeat their lies.
Related to projections is the behavior known as “gaslighting” in which the Borderline tries to confuse a person into believing things that are not true. Often this is to create self-doubt in the victim. The target for this abuse can end up questioning his or her own sanity as the Borderline matter-of-factly relates “events” or “things said” that the target does not recall because they never occurred. You can read more about this behavior in our article Borderlines Can Make You Feel Insane Via “Gaslighting”. If you realize that the Borderline in your life is engaging in gaslighting against you, this is often a good clue that he or she is probably also capable of running a distortion campaign. After all, if they have you confused about your own experiences, they will likely have a much easier time misleading others to believe inaccurate negative misinformation about you.
Borderlines Have Trouble Knowing the Truth
BPs have trouble knowing what the truth is. This is due to a combination of problems. Sometimes they may experience cognitive dissociations in which they temporarily break from reality and may honestly experience reality completely differently from any observers, even video cameras will not agree with their version of reality.
Other times, it may simply be from their extensive pathological lying and avoidance of the truth. As a result, they may repeat their vilifying lies in varying inconsistent versions. The inconsistencies won’t be simply of opinions, they will be of even basic facts. They may have such trouble keeping their lies straight that they will come up with multiple versions of events, often growing in severity, over repeated tellings of their lies. Version one might be that somebody raised a hand to strike them, version two might be that somebody pushed them to the ground, version three might be that somebody tried to strangle them, and so forth. The reality might be that they slipped, fell and hurt themselves . But reality does not matter to Borderlines, what matters is the ability to convince other people to take their sides and to protect themselves from “threats” such as being alone or being held accountable for their actions.
Trouble Recognizing Borderline Liars
Why don’t people see the BPs who conduct distortion campaigns as the liars they are? The reasons are many. Often BPs tell varying lies to different people who don’t “compare notes” and so don’t see what should be really obvious deception. Often the BP’s emotional intensity and ability to play on people’s emotions makes them master manipulators. People tend to “just believe” because the BP can come across as very charming, warm and friendly. Untrained, uncritical listeners are particularly susceptible at being duped by their lies. Eventually, they may believe the lies so completely that even when confronted with evidence such as writings, photographs, recordings, 3rd party versions of events, and other evidence, they will refuse to accept that they were duped into believing lies.
Even many mental health care professionals will fall for the distortion campaign for a while. They get sucked into false sympathy and emotional alignment with the BP rapidly. They fall for false stereotypes, such as “all men are abusers”, that BPs use to their advantage.
Many mental health care providers have not kept up to date on reliable psychological research that amply documents that “men are abusers, women are victims” is not the truth. (See Women commit more than 70% of single-partner DV) They may tend to be empathetic and take the statements of their patients at face value. Many of them also lack specialized training in recognizing and treating personality disorders. With the necessary training and skils, many of them can be easily suckered into believing the Borderline lies.
Adverse Impact on the Targets
What happens to people who are victims of BPD distortion campaigns? Here are some of the examples of the results:
- They are alienated from their family and friends.
- They lose contact with their children for months or even years.
- They lose their jobs.
- They spend tens of thousands of dollars or more fighting false accusations of the BP attacking them.
- They have restraining orders placed upon them based upon false accusations.
- They end up in jail or prison due to false accusations.
- They develop severe mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety disorders, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and others.
- Some commit suicide.
Distortion campaigns can destroy people’s lives, even becoming lethal. This is particularly the case when the people around the BP’s victim do not understand how Borderline Personality Disorder works. The victims of distortion campaigns need extensive support from others in order to survive such an experience without life-altering damage. Although an estimated 6% of the US population suffers from BPD, most people do not end up being targeted with a BPD distortion campaign. As a result, they have trouble understanding how severe, damaging, unrelenting, and widespread these campaigns can be. And many of the victims of distortion campaigns consequently are left without effective support systems and suffer far worse damage than might have been the case if their friends and family understood they are being victimized by a Borderline.
The distortion campaign also tends to damage many people around the BP. Divorce situations in which the children are taught by a Borderline parent to hate the other parent based upon lies is very common. This is also known as “parental alienation”. (See Wikipedia: Parental Alienation) Parental alienation can be so severe that it may permanently damage the relationship between the target parent and the children. It is important to keep in mind that parental alienation is a form of emotional child abuse. Borderlines or others who do this to children are child abusers.
The damage does not stop with the immediate family. It tends to spill over into all relationships around the target as the target is accused of crimes, immoral and unethical behaviors, embarassing incidents, and so forth. The siblings, parents, new spouse, friends, and employers of the target may all suffer serious damage from the distortion campaign. The target may be unable to function normally, have insomnia and other sleep disorders, not be able to work normal hours or focus on work, and even feel afraid to been seen in public. This may be a time during which those around the target have to band together to help the target in safe settings. However, by doing so, the target’s support system itself may become a new target for the BP. It is not unusual for the BP to proceed to attack people the BP sees as helping the target. They may endure distortion campaigns. As a way to protect everybody, it may be useful to minimize knowledge that the BP obtains about the people around the target. The target and those who support him or her may need to become very secretive about their lives in order to protect themselves from ever-widening and intensifying attack by the BP.
Borderlines Must Be Held Accountable
Recent Articles Mentioning BPD
Further Reading
Relationships and Divorces with Someone Who Suffers Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderlines Make You Feel Insane Via “Gaslighting”
Borderline Mom: Emotional Self Defense for Children
Recovering from Personality Disordered Abusive Relationships
How to Win Custody by Framing Your Ex for Child Sexual Abuse
What is the Cost of BPD to Society?
Click here for more coverage of Borderline Personality Disorder.
| BPD, Child Abuse, Crime, Divorce, Domestic Violence, Parental Alienation, Partner Violence, Psychology |
The only silver lining I can see to my story is that thank God I never got this person pregnant. It just sucks because I want to warn all of her future boyfriends about her but I know they would never believe me. Because I allegedly raped her. What a fucking nightmare. I feel bad for them but worse for myself and I hope she gets the help she needs.
A poem about the one I ever regret meeting Hi i am Michelle K#%E I fantasize I’m a powerful witch.
But really deep within I’m just a chicken shit sick little bitch.
But that’s only a minor glitch as you will see !
I am the self-made consummate victim and you the villain.
I loath myself so all must pay ! I feel so empty but yet full of hate
I am just an empty shell but will tell you I’m great.
I lie I cheat and steal with the greatest of ease like a slimy eel.
if you’re my mate you will ask far too much
of my arrested child like state .
you must be a fool
if you think you are of any use to me other than a tool .
ill pry and manipulate my way into your heart
and suck your soul dry for i have not one myself
and ill blame you for all my evil ways it will always be you !
never me . If I say “I love you ” translation “you have something I need or want nothing more ” If you ever see behind my mask of sanity
then watch out you should not have done that !
and how dare you try and call me on my bullshit
I will act so in dignified like a rat at the drop of a hat
and go into the wildest rage , even tho I just turned some trixxxs to get my fix . Once i even got paid 40 bucks to pee on some guy
while i left my infant in his crib a couple floors down
no big deal we lived in the good part of town
new Westminster ,
oh there is so much more but you don’t want hear it
trust me I’m a pig and up for any gig I’ve even pulled a train
if there was something small to gain
and it would fill my rig ! Ain’t that classy , yep that’s me
just ask around the seedier parts of town
I am legend I have no bounds !!!
I will try and destroy you and stab in the back
then paint you black
never to your face ,
well sometimes in a psychotic rage while professing I’ve turned a new page !
No one is safe not even my son . I’m such a disgrace !
I will threaten to run him and i into a pole
so we could always be together and get my way ,
as opposed to see him happy
and doing well away from my evil toxic spell
(what is that not a good Christmas tidings ?
It shows my devout love wouldn’t you do that to show it ? ) what a beautiful reunion after 4 years away I don’t know why he does not come more often And want to stay . I even tried to falsely accuse his father of molesting him that did not work cause he ran away from me to live him , right into the hands of a monster but really it was all me but that ill try and cover by saying he is gay , I always have an answer for Everything I believe it so should you !!! Once In a church stairwell I shit in a plastic bag and showed it to my Forman , “look what you made me do ! And was fired from Ansan Oh well their loss they where just assholes like all the rest that fired me in disgusts and mistrust , did they not know I require and should have my own porta potty on site . it’s my favourite place to hide from prying eyes to puff and snort and get into full distort . Ta da out comes super woman the pride of all my employers
Im so sick you can’t even imagine ,
You measly mortals !
Projection and deflection is all part of my game
while I’m dolling out fear blame and shame .
I pretend to be human through mimicry and trickery
I fake i have true emotion
but that always turns into a full blown commotion . I will pretend to be your dearest trustworthy friend , sell you drugs then turn you in , I always get a kick out of that little trick ,and I win cause it takes the heat off of me Hehe I’m a rat a snitch the ultimate two faced bitch !
I can turn on a tear although not sincere
and make you go “Awwhh dear ”
and as quick as it will appear I will be at the helm ready to steer.
And if I feel you’re not quite convinced
I can even make my bottom lip quiver
and that should surely send a shiver
down your spine and to your core
but i have no worries I’ve done this many a time before
and ill laugh cause you’ve just been had !
and ill even throw in a sniffle at just the right moment
that took some effort and a while to learn ,
cause i sniffle a lot and its not from snot
its for another reason that i get from pleasin
and it gives me a bit of a burn but that’s not of consequence
cause it gets me so hot and ready to trot and on my game !
Thank you ,thank you I would like to thank the academy ,
Me Myself and I
For this oscar for best drama queen of this century
I have no real talent but that I can disguise
because I know how to use guys ,
a con you may say that’s right you are all just my prey .
Really try not to take it personally
its all just part of my pathology
I have done this to all before you and will to all after you
till my last breath .
I pretend to be sorry and sincere but really it all has to be all about me .
If I say I give you my love you better hope you wore a glove !
Ill tell you I’m Heathy even tho Im not
but who cares its your problem now !
I deceived you its your fault you stupidly believed me .
I think I’m so smart but Really I’m just a bitter stupid tart ,
a narcissistic sociopath abomination you could say !
but its your fault I warned you all with my shitty ways and power plays ,
but i convinced you you needed to play .
I’m a hopeless case can’t you SEE !
but please waste your time on me .
I am a cold blooded reptile a chameleon of sorts
with worse poisons and venom than a deadly snake
and when I bite my victims they will go into shock
and never have suspected it,
cause I was sucking their cock
the ultimate predator I am ! As miss Jekyll & Hyde
I rage like rabbid animal that should be locked in cage
Maximum security for all of eternity
Its the only thing really safe for the rest of humanity .
I want to die but i don’t have the guts
so instead I kick everyone down and in the nuts !
I know I am hated for the evil I’ve done
I feel their ghosts expecting a reckoning and waiting
in the dark patiently and it will come for sure
cause for me there is no cure .
‘ so I cry wolf when none are around
to stupid to understand I look like the clown !
I know its really sick but it usually does the trick
Blame blame blame
I’m just the poor psychopath who else can I blame
and try and shame !
I love causing people pain it’s always to my gain
and gives me the power to feel sane .
To keep me off your back cut me some slack
to consume some crack ,
meth or whatever and ease my hidden pain
remember I have other pawns to please to keep them on their knees
it’s all about keepin control as I’m puffin from my bowl
knowin just the right amount of my minimal self to dole out
to keep them in control and attract is a fine balancing act
all tried true cause it will work on you too
Hehe . You really should at all cost refrain from trying
To peek inside my brain that will only be the binging of your pain
and launch another covert attack behind your back
that i have been doing all along,
basically since We first met , But i mix it with some glee ,
so it makes it hard to see !
Do you believe in monsters ? I’m here to tell you yes they are real
And you better believe I am the real deal
and if you doubt it you will see and be my next meal.
So please buy my crap so I can spring my trap
And if you treat me like gold i will know you are primed for my scold
I can spin a web lies and deceit thicker and quicker than cotton candy at a fair
to keep you off your feet ,And feeling total despair
For I am a queen with a scheme a virus a prioress a purveyor of all that’s unhealthy darkness and doom so lets go spoon
that will make it all seem alright for its your nite to Be with me
Ill throw you a small bone slink off of my throne
and into my true position of power so I can easily and totally devour
your soul hehe . you can never win so just except the spin .
I will tell you I’m your baby doll
while in the same breath setting you up for a fall .
I am vulgar crude rude and vile
what else would you expect from satans child . It’s
not that I’m real good looking I’m not !
or have great cooking its a smoke and mirrors illusion
that I believe you will need to feed
so with a sleazy smile a twitch of my lips a wiggle of my hips
that sometimes will beguile
at least for a little while
and a promise of pleasure look is usually all it took
to sink my talons and hook.
I am a seething fire breathing modern day Jezebel
straight out of hell .
I will not appreciate you any more if you do any nice
or just try to suffice or help me out of a jam
cause watch out BAM , I will devalue ,
discard your efforts behind your back
and even right to your face you’ll reel from that attack ,
for how can I play the victim if i showed some grace ,
but ill keep it all just the same cause you are to blame .
I have never taken any responsibility for anything
for that would add legitimacy to all of this .
Have you ever seen a three dollar bill ?
Yes a phoney that’s me but ill trade you one for a chonie .
Ill never let you relax as you will always feel me trying to cover my tracks
its really quite plain it’s all part of the game
to make us the same insane
and if you try and escape my metal rape
then will begin my campaign of smear .
I’ve loaded the deck and cast my toxic spell
you’ll be lucky if you can murmur “What the hell ” watch out for my pit
I am A fem fatale or of that kind of sort as history calls it ,
Its really just for sport a game to cause pain .
I will threaten you with legions that i do not have !
really I’m an army of none it’s all just fluff and a bluff
I have no friends cause I’ve fucked them all over
and who needs them any way they just piss me off and are a nuisance
with their whining and wants .
And if i sense you are getting wise and have allies that will listen
and advise rest assured I will stir up some shit and sever those ties
in a web with plenty of lies
I will have got to them long before you with your S.O.S call in distress
Dint you know a apex predator always separates its prey from the rest
of the flock ? And I am the master and I’m in it to win it !
and you’ve never dealt with anything quite as special ,
cold and bold and as evil as me
it will be so astonishingly hard to believe and fathom
the depths of my trickery you’ll see hehe.
If i have my way and don’t get caught
ill make it so you are never heard from again washed away
like a turd in a swamp
I’ve done that before But shush that’s another real big secret
but like a cat I always land on my feet for 20 + years
I’ve gotten away with that hehe .
I do have fears cause over the years
my looks have defiantly diminished
can I still hunt with only a cunt ?
thats all i can offer , only druggies ,boozers and losers might bite
not much to profit ,
much like Charlotte I sit in my web a bed ,
And will just fade away while playing the perfect harlot.
I pray but to who I’ve play both sides so who will listen
now I’ve sold my soul
And now I’m nothing but a pathetic ugly little troll .
I hope its all not finished . Ive wasted my life but have pasted that price
on all of you. Well enough about me thats part of the list
you get the jyst and some of you have already figured it out
it pegs me to a tee ,
a parasite a tick a flea a vamp a tramp on a uncontrolled feeding spree
of the backs of society much like a scabie a cancer a blight
you cant really fight or see
and if your smart you’ll be on the next flight away from me
and my plight of toxicity and free. ! thank heavens I’m somewhat of rare anomaly. And when you emerge from the fog ill have you so exhausted and cut down like a log , shell shocked from all the toxicity .
And ill say ha ha honey wasn’t that funny
it made me laugh to see and inflict you with pain do you want to play again ?
Its all part of a riddle a dilution designed to cause confusion
that will have you stuck in the middle somewhere
between tomorrow and yesterday
thats why i do it and i know you will still want to screw it ,
all the while thinking I’m capable of change if you just give more ,
chasing that elusive pie in the sky that does exist within me
but occasionally ill show you a glimpse at the right Time all nice with a shine
You poor thing you must so tired an weary
for a second ill pretend to care and from this point on
it will get quite scary opportunistic and terroristic ,
I have you hooked hehe . so tell me a only a little about you ,
cause i don’t really care its only about warfare ,
its all i will need so i can plant my seed.
I have the ability to read people like a book and present my self
as your fairytale for a while
but that with soon become your worst fucking nightmare of epic proportion !
My greatest fear and need
is to hide and not be discovered
for then how would i feed if they ever recovered .
But i like attention its part of my plea
but that draws attention kinda a paradox you see
What can I do but sit in fear when the end draws near
this is my big secret not yours Everything is mine
and i want to take to my grave
and if you have put it all together
and have gotten away
I will even have the audacity to say
good luck finding someone that can love
And treat you as good and as much me !
good lord you could only fucking hope not
even tho we are somewhat rare.
please don’t tell anyone cause I need to feed !
and i already know I’m in for some real hot and Nasty weather
I’m so sad and empty , God , lucifer is there anybody out there for me.
NO But I will see rest assured it will not be full of glee. Now that I’ve told you who I really am this should be my Eulogy hehe
The End
@Bill Wright
There is a blog
The Ambiguity of Psychology: Its Time To Discipline
This lists details about these types
Videos will soon be applied.
Any psych label outside of medicine becomes a projection of the person creating it; unless they are using past cases and recorded statements. If they can get the confessions………If it is not medicine; its mind over matter…
What you are likely dealing with is:
A center (Core) of being owed, entitled and insecure
Arrested emotional development (willful neglect of emotions)
Repressed ‘disgruntledness’
Psych Programming (conditioned by environment by tween) influencing:
Self Image, Self Respect, Privacy/Boundaries Level, Confidence and the like
Hypersensitivity
Rambling Thoughts [(Interruption of sleep) contributes to nagate schizophrenic symptoms
Poor Coping Skills (Choice: fears social settings outside of family, panic under minor stresses)
long prolong interrupted sleep (Not from external cause like overnight/rotating shifts/ legal issue and the like; its internal cognitive0
Chooses to make irrational associations to accuse and gain attention
Poor focus and concentration; feels inferior
May have poor diet; contributing to all negate symptoms listed in schizophrenic symptoms
Makes up phobias to get attention and or covet resentment and spite
These are the general traits of Insecurity and Criminality
I go in more detail in my blog and will be doing videos
I have used recorded statements, direct observation,, investigation and case analysis from these types, to put together the list I listed above. (most have criminal versatility)
Here are a few of there recorded statements:
“I don’t care, I went through it and so can they”- AKA, unrecognized childhood victim
“I am going to show you what negativity is like”
“Rambling thoughts are keeping me up”
“We got a long way before we is even”
The Ambiguity of Psychology: Its Time to Discipline -blog
“Out of sadness anger and frustration” – (this is what I classify as disgruntled)
This statement came from a male who smears others by calling them bi polar and schizophrenic depressive or depressed, mentally unstable basically. This person who made the statement also tried to excuse his conduct by claiming he had bi polar to the ex who left. When she did not come back; he started the smear campaign alleging she was a bi-polar.
Thank you, Rob for this article. I have been living this for over five years. I keep thinking if I ignore his insults and taunts it will stop but it never does. He recruits younger family members to his cause, even those I have previously had close relationships with, and involves them in his threats and insults. He has even tried to solicit someone to take my life. It all seems so hopeless and I never imagined my once close family would be decimated in this way. I never saw it coming but I’d love to see it go.
The poem above is crude and smack with anger – but if you look past that, he’s describing what happens and how. For months I would see my soon to be ex getting up after only sleeping a couple of hours – if at all. Racing thoughts keeping her up. “Why?” I would ask. No answer – or, no good answer. “Lot’s of people are up all night.” (Thanks FaceBook!) FaceBook has become a favorite place to hang out for those anti social troubled people. Waging a war while you sleep. I was threatened with this war immediately after I left her. Leaving isn’t enough even though it seems it’s what she wants – I can’t do anything right or enough to please her. When I am there, I’m treated like I shouldn’t be and when I’m gone – “Where the hell are you?” It’s an incredible experience getting drawn into the eerie dark insanity of my ex and people like her. She desperately to have some factual basis for her anger and hate – but has none. So she’ll make it all up to denigrate me to anyone in our small town that may listen. A problem for her, though, is that she’s done this before in and after a previous marriage. She’ seems oblivious to having said one thing is so and the next day it is anything but. One day she is singing my praises on FaceBook, claiming I’ve been such a blessing to her while announcing my birthday passing. At the same time she’s a total, complete B#*^h at home behind closed doors. I found that to be really bizarre and called her out on it. I’d ask her what reason is there to have dragged me into her insanity only to make me miserable by her constant criticism and perpetual discontent? “Who the hell are you to disrupt my life and put me through this?” She was one way for 13 months before marrying her and a completely different person immediately and ever after. I’m not apt to get angry easily or make hasty decisions in most all things and matters. I saw glimpses of the real her and excused it or otherwise rationalized it to myself, friends and family before we married. The change in her, right after being married was a sudden and as frightening as the loud clang of the slam of an iron gate! Her mistake with me occurred when she took a check from the mail sent to me and written out only to me for work done and without my permission she Forged my name on it and took it to a bank to open a new checking account. The bank had her endorse it with her signature also and then told her that the signatures look the same but my wife insisted that it was my signature. A BP can lie very convincingly – and she got her way, they opened an account in her name only with my check. Checks are contracts. Look it up. Security features built into checks and trained tellers – all are there to help prevent this from happening. The BP is entitled to cross boundaries, break laws and generally speaking, the rest of the world can kiss her butt! She did this and when I returned home that night yelled at me insisting that I go into that bank and lie for her or she will be arrested for Forgery. She was terrified that she was going to jail. This was last November in 2014. Despite having so much grief with her already, I wanted to protect her but I told her no one tells me I have to lie about anything for them. I didn’t want a new account and didn’t need to go into sign a signature card. I believed she was saying she had taken the check in to start a new JOINT account but it turns out it was a single, personal checking account instead! Geesh. Is that not Theft, Forgery, Bank Fraud and Identity Theft? These are Felonies that carry up to 6 years in jail and $10,000.00 fines each! Felons can’t carry or own a gun, can not hunt with a gun, can’t vote and will have trouble getting employment. Now how will she get out of this? No doubt she’ll think of some lies to tell but I’m afraid it won’t be very convincing. I have been kicked to the curb. Used to construct thousands of dollars worth of improvements to our home (hers) over the duration of the marriage instead of working away from the home and now, jobless, 57 with moderate to severe arthritis in my feet and ankles, no money and no place to live. Staying in a cabin with no running water and only an extension cord for electricity. It’s better than nothing I suppose. I’m having to represent myself now and am seeking a De Novo Hearing wit the judge to seek maintenance and for her to pay for an attorney. I built a commercial kitchen and a number of other projects and uncompensated for this work. The law is clear. I’ve just wanted to get my things and leave and come to a reasonable settlement for my work done too but she plays games and hides my things or refuses to let me have some items. So, I asked the people that sent the check she used to start a new checking account about payment still owed to me. They said they did pay and all the checks have cleared. I asked for them to send me copies of the canceled checks and they did. I took the copy of the check she Forged my signature on to the bank to see what they would have to say. They want to reimburse me the money and then deal with her themselves. It was Friday afternoon and the bank manager wanted to speak with the bank’s attorney first. So, will she now be exposed for the manipulative hateful and vindictive person she is? Gotta wait and see. If the bank reimburses me the money, that is confirmation that they agree that she did commit these crimes. Even if they quietly resolve it with her, I’ll still have documentation of the reimbursement by the bank. I can’t think of how this would hurt me and sincerely believe that if she can be held responsible for her actions that she will finally get the help that she needs too. Until these BP have a run in with the courts, they run free destroying peoples’ lives and get away with incredible things. If she gets out of this this time I’d be amazed but not surprised.
I am now trapped in BPDs zone.. Landlord + Co-worker.
I was searching for information about how to deal with someone who try to damage my reputation at work, because later I knew that my conversation with him was being recorded by the BPDs about talking the issues at work that involve few names (supervisor, co-workers) Distortion Campaign. Then, I just found this article in time, I hope it is not too late for me to survive and safe my lives.
First, I was unaware and rolled in to renting his home, cheaper affordable rent but very nice home, that you would have not think twice not to take this great deal and opportunity.
Then conflicts begin when I start discover all the inconsistent, truth, and lies.
When I start to react to get things straight up ie; invasion my privacy, as per agreement/contract he should not get around my privacy areas. Then he start filling the eviction as I was late for paying rent as he gave me verbal approval prior to late payment.. Then he dismiss the case but it enough to have in his hands the history documents of late rent payments. This case then can be put a side and remind in my head for a later time a threat.
Then he went to the next level of humiliation where I end up more depress, fear, and hopless.
He file eviction as I was breaching the Lease Contract. The case still up and pospone. At mean time he kept trying maintained the access to get close around me. He constantly trying to associate with me, inviting to just going out, sitting around spending time together, going to eat out places, offering helps.
I was to begin is in financial hardship when I knew him at first was at my work place.
I talk about my situation as we were having less hours at work and it affected our financial. He then offering helps.
As now I am very depressing here where I come to really bad in financial, my earning income cannot cover anymore the need to running the daily needs, then I end up losing my car. I have no longer having transportation to go to work. A lot of the time I and my teenager daughter goes by days without food.
My older daughter choose to leave the home as she cannot endure the stressful situation at home and renting her own place with and facing the hard life also to keep up with her bills.
This is how its affected my relationship with my daughters as they believes mom could have got two or three jobs as I used to do in the past but this time mom stay and stick with one part time job where I am right now working at the same place with the BPDs.
My daughters believe that I haven’t work hard enough to overcome the financial problems.
I realized, that all this depression tiring me, I felt sick, fear , worried. Instead of me could have spend my whole time working extra works and hours to keep up with my debts but I was most of the time locking myself in the bedroom, confused and worried if anytime that I would lost the place to live. As my difficult situation had pictured by the BPDs. as I told him I would not be getting so easy any longer as soon as I leave my previous rent home to his property. I concern of my children school have to move around to finding new home, and would most likely be declined as my renting history late in paying rent.
As finally I found this article, I was already engaged in the situation that he might have recorded my conversation about our department with him regarding few co-worker, supervisor was conducted certain favoritism, discriminate, and could be I said something racist slur.
This is actually base on both of us were used to be comfortable to points the racist acts toward co-worker and I was prone to being discriminate base on my race as well.
As I have no choice not to take all the offer for helps including a ride to work… Here I end up depressed at my department at work, struggling, total single out, blank simple out of zone. I was total lost going insane… wondering whats going on??? Then I recall all the conversation during my ride to work and home with him… This is just assumption first, but no doubt more I learn more I figured out … I found the voice recorder devise in his car. Of course I didn’t not touch it but its enough to conclude my assumption, as I thought I will now try to find out what else this BPDs would do, where to how to as all I believe could be the best way to survive from his twisted game.
What fear me now his movement of eviction at the court, his movements at my work that would take my reputation down that would end me up in job termination.
Please any suggestion help and advises.
@ Carol It has amazed me for years that so many people just don’t have an “ear” for BPD style crazy tirades. They’ll believe any outrageous story these folks tell. Maybe one has to have been victimized in order to recognize the pattern.
I guess all people dealing with this have some things in common and some that are more specific to their own situation. My ex borderline friend is someone who is not typical in his behaviour. I am not even sure if he is partially borderline or what it exactly is with him. I am not really sure how to view him. What I do know is that I was really doing horribly after years of having the strenght to try to help him out in anyway I could. I couldn’t do it anymore. Started lashing out. Fighting A LOT. I am aware that I did not do the right things in dealing with my stress. What happened after though was totally uncalled for. He started brainwashing me into thinking I was worse then Hitler. I needed to admit I did not deserve to live or else I wasn’t really sorry for the stress I caused him. This all sounds so strange but was totally normal in the last months of our relationship. I am sure that now the contact has stopped he is telling anyone who wants to hear it that I am a crazy evil person that ruined his life. I really would bet a million dollar on it he is. I wish it wasn’t so cause I want to not have his hate over my head for the rest of my life. It shouldn’t bother me but it does cause I love him and don’t want him to feel so much hate inside him. Especially since it is towards me. How can he truly believe I am worse then Hitler. I wanted to die after that manipulation. I really believed I was not worthy of living anymore. I am not even sure what the hell happened.
Wow. I have been on the receiving end of crap from my partner’s ex wife and her daughter for 22 years now. To start with the ex didn’t like the fact that the one she screwed around on being a lady of the night got a new partner and couldn’t control him any more because I said No more. I was suddenly the new target in her eyes. All her evil untruths and stealing from me soon became gospel to her daughter whose father also had the same treatment as me!! Now the wonder daughter and her husband has taken up the nuttiness for the last 15 years. All of the fathers of her six children have been told no doubt different versions of crap hatch up in their boring little life’s. Her children too have been raised on the same lies. While I have opened our home up to the ex wife daughter and her children three times now by having them move in when they had no where to go. Once to prevent her from having her children removed from her care due to animal shit throughout her house that her children her to live and play in. They even went to my work and involved my manager in relation to a trespass order. Which was funny as I didn’t even visit their dirty rotten home. It was all about who I worked for and the money I earnt. I refused to dish out any more money or food to them.
We thought that our preyers had been answered when the ex moved to another country and her daughter moved to another island. We are now getting to know paternal family that my partner hasn’t seen for 25 years mainly because of them. Well they are right in there spreading their lies within 6 weeks of me meeting these people as though they are the hard done by family. Now my partner and I are expecting a grandchild from our beautiful daughter. Yip you guessed it. The ex’s daughter has heard and now wants to be friends with our daughter again after stealing wages from her when she was house cleaning for her. It will never happen lady. Still sad that that get into my partners head after all these years to try and break us up. That to will never happen as we are strong and happy together with what we have built and made of our life’s.
You realize that you’re referencing human beings, right?
You realize that you’re vilifying yet another mental illness, yeah?
It’s not easy having BPD. It’s not easy feeling like your emotions have more of an effect on your outcome than you do as a person living inside of your own body. It’s not fun to realize that the reality you live in and the ideals and understanding of the world that you hold is absolutely and totally different than everyone else’s. I am disruptive. I hurt my family’s feelings from time to time. But I do not think that you can honestly write an article like this– saying that BPD folk are manipulative, angry, vengeful, borderline-heartless individuals either out to make you hurt or cut themselves and blame you– without referencing the written accounts of what the experience is like for a BPD sufferer, or maybe what they might be feeling in that moment and how to find a connection there and defuse the situation, rather than treating them like a rabid animal. I find that to be shoddy advice. Telling people how to control their BPD relative or loved one as if they do not feel the same love and hate that you do. Get the fuck out of here.
But yeah, fuck BPD folk?
See, when your site has an article entitled, “How to spot a girl with Borderline Personality Disorder,” you have to understand that you’re in the fucking wrong. We are people. I am a person. That is messed. Up.
Sounds like normal female behaviour.
@Nope
So what is your plan to fix this?
This is one of the best overviews of BPD’s behaviors that I’ve read. I’m living through a distortion campaign that has alienated my entire family from me. Please cite your sources so I can share this valuable information.
twicebitten – would be keen to hear your experiences/share mine
I’m currently in the midst of a 1yr+ long divorce/custody case with a female with BPD and Bi-Polar II. It has been the most horrible experience of my life and she’s taken my daughter from me 3 times (fought and won to get her back each time) and she’s had me arrested on false family violence charges 3 times (twice during this divorce). I’m currently fighting the last arrest as well; the other FV cases were dismissed. I can only say to people: research BPD deeply and anyone your thinking of dating that has rocky relationship history and a poor or rocky parental/family relationship should be looked into for further red flags. It has been a horror in life these last 3 years. I never know what to expect next.
In my experience the overall issue is that a BPD sufferer does suffer greatly on the inside, which for a patient, loving partner one tends to want to help them and love them, support them, and “fix” them any way you can at any cost. However, there comes a time when so many repetitive detrimental behaviors start to stack and you find yourself in your own exhaustive, depressed state trying to maintain them and keep their lives, emotions, and relationships tact, that the only choice is to dig your own hole next to them or run and disappear and not be found by them (because I can assure you they’ve already been vilifying you behind your back, just in case they need to destroy you for abandoning them).
@Nope
Its you who needs to fuck off. Yes BPD folks are human beings but they as human beings have done some horrible and unimaginable things to good people. Even criminals and rapists are human beings too but that does not mean we let go of the damage they inflict. So shove your BPD sympathy up your own a**s. My wife has BPD. I didnt even think twice about what it may mean for me because I loved her with every bit of my heart. I was always there when she needed me, stood up for her whenever it was necessary, did things for her which I have never done for any other girl…..and what did I get in return? She treated me like shit every now and then, being disrespectful towards me, calling me names like bastard, moron, immature etc and later began physically abusing me leaving scar marks on my body, even started flirting with total strangers. Finally I had enough and saw her for the person she really is and not what I thought her to be. She is a shitty nasty person who does not know how to respect others and definitely does not deserve someone like me. She did not choose the disorder but she very well chose how to react and her actions and she should be held responsible for those actions.
“Not all BPDs” Got it?? There are BPDs out there making innocent people’s lives miserable because these innocent people do not know what BPD is and what these BPDs are capable of. I challenge you to interview the people you have had interactions with (if they will even agree to this) to see how you actually occur to people vs how you *think* you occur. You may find out that you have minimized your misbehavior and its impact to a great degree. Either way, this feedback should help you to reflect on your own state of mind and behavior, which will help your to improve your relationships. Good luck.
I found out from my teenage daughter that my high functioning BPD husband spent every second of the time he was with his family when I was not around, bad mouthing me. And most of what he said was utterly fantastical. Once, I called my husband on his iPhone to ask him something. At the time, he was having lunch with his mother. He neglected to hang up his phone and for the next seven minutes I listened to the two of them vigorously and gleefully telling lies about me. What they were saying was so outrageous that it as almost laughable. Both of them accused me of stealing tens of thousands of dollars from others; from my sister, my father, my husband. Living through character assassination is something people who have relationships with BPDs get used to but we should never underestimate how damaging it it. Have any of you found that your BPD has a distorted relationship with money and that many of their lies and scapegoating are based on finances?
@XV
I are referencing human beings with a personality disorder who are capable of destroying other people’s lives. My BPD husband has never for a single moment expressed remorse for his behavior. Not only does he continuously scapegoat me when I am not around but he also falsely accused me of child abuse when I filed for divorce. He told the police that he witnessed me beating my child. The case was dropped because the DA could find no evidence of abuse. Your response is, in fact, very similar to the typical BPD, whenever called to the carpet for his or her behavior. BPD cause more trauma to “loved ones” than any other mental health disorder. this forum is for people, such as myself, who have been severely abused by borderline abuse!
@Dave
Good for you for getting rid of her sorry ass! The problem with a mental health diagnosis like BPD is that is becomes an excuse for nasty and dangerous behavior and those victimized by these wretched people are supposed to put up with it, because of the diagnosis. My BPD had me arrested for child abuse because I had the audacity to file for divorce. He told the police that he witnessed me beating my daughter. The DA dropped the charges once they realized the accusations were bogus. But it was like being dragged through hell backwards. And it is VERY common for BPDs to make false accusations against others out revenge. And when they have done it the first time it is easier for them to do it the second and third time. I know a wonderful young man whose ex girlfriend accused him of rape when he left her. It was the second time she had done this to an ex boyfriend. These people should be prosecuted and sent to prison for the things they do to people. Every one I’ve ever known is simply demonic.
@Nope
I agree. They are terrible, TERRIBLE individuals!
@Dan Y.
Dan, I know what you’re going through. My BPD husband did things very similar to me. Feel free to reach out for support any time you need it.