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Archive for March, 2012

How and Why Psycho Parents Manipulate Kids to Resist Custody Exchanges

March 11th, 2012 13 comments

You’ve probably heard the term “Psycho Ex Wife” if you’ve talked with a man who has suffered from the atrocities of the family law courts manipulated by a truly malevolent ex. It was popularized in part by the illegally banned website The Psycho Ex Wife. Malicious moms are deservingly labeled as psychos quite often, hence the widespread recognition of the phrase. The reality is that both men and women can behave horribly and abusively using the children as pawns in a struggle with the other parent. Often this abusiveness starts even before the filing for a divorce.

It’s hard to find a widely accepted term for referring to the kind of maliciously manipulative parents that interfere with their children’s time with the other parent. Some call them “high conflict personalities” (HCPs), others “parental alienators”, still others “sociopaths” or “psychopaths.” Many refer to Borderlines, Narcissists, Histrionics, Antisocials, Paranoids, or other personality disorder diagnoses to explain the behaviors and label the abusers. The problem is huge and really encompasses multiple groups of people with severely messed up behaviors as parents. For this article, I’ll simply be referring to them as “psycho parents” and not try to more precisely label them.

In this article, I’ll be describing some of the tactics that psycho parents use to manipulate kids to participate in resisting child custody exchanges. This is part of the overall problem of parental alienation. The psycho parent is often successful at causing children to resist custody exchanges even in cases in which the children do not actually hate the parent being attacked and still enjoy spending time with that parent.

Anybody faced with a psycho parent is likely to benefit from reading about Borderlines and Narcissists and their interactions with children. However, don’t let this mislead you into trying to diagnose one of these people and use such as a diagnosis in court. Even if you are absolutely correct in your assessment, judges almost uniformly lack the understanding of what it means and will attack you for putting a reasonable label on the bizarre and destructive behaviors because you’re not a licensed psychologist. Unfortunately, many if not most licensed psychologists are not capable of diagnosing these kinds of disorders accurately because they lack the time with the person and also, in some cases, have their own agendas and biases that make them easy targets for a psycho parent to manipulate.

Motivations of the Psycho Parent

If there’s anything truly common to all psycho parents, it’s hard to find. Although many of them were abused by one or both parents as kids, not all were. And not all abused kids grow up to be psycho parents. Many psycho parents are Borderlines or Narcissists, but not all are. Even if they do meet the criteria for BPD, NPD, or some other personality disorder, few are formally diagnosed and fewer still ever voluntarily seek treatment or honestly work on fixing their problems. So the formal name for whatever ails them is somewhat besides the point, although it is sometimes handy as an abbreviation for describing their overall behavior patterns.

What I find to be reasonably frequent features of psycho parents are the following:

  • A history of insecurity during childhood. This often stems from child abuse or neglect in the home, but can also arise from other situations such as severe poverty or living in a unsafe environment such as a neighborhood with frequent violence from crime or war.
  • Pervading sense of insecurity about one’s self as an adult. This flows from the childhood insecurities that were never resolved. Some might say that Narcissists don’t act like this, often touting their own superiority. But when you think about it, they really do have intense insecurities and their Narcissitic behaviors are the means to make themselves feel better or to hide their self-doubts.
  • Extreme focus on self. Inside their adult bodies they are still hurt little insecure children. Consequently, they are usually unable to focus on anybody but themselves because they are so badly damaged they never learned how to do so. This shows up via narcissistic traits such as selfishness, even if the person does not meet the criteria for NPD.
  • Little or no empathy for others. These people are usually unable to put themselves in another’s shoes, or to consider how their words and actions harm others. They probably don’t care. Sometimes you may see them pretend to care, but usually this is a means to manipulate others. Other times, it is simply they are following behavior patterns they have seen other more healthy people follow often without actually having any genuine empathy themselves.
  • Frequent manipulations of others as a means to meet their emotional needs. Often such manipulations involve lying and distorting about the actions of others, particular the ex or the kids, in an attempt to win allies or sympathy or battles in court. But these people also play at being victims in many other venues. In a workplace, for instance, you may see them pretend to be loaded up with unfair amounts of work, that other people are taking credit for their work, or that they are being sexually harassed.

Read more…

Alleged Killers, the Foster Parents of Victim 3 Year Old Serenity Gandara, Captured in Mexico

March 9th, 2012 2 comments

We first reported about the death of 3 year old Serenity Gandara of Bakersfield, California, nearly two years ago. Her foster parents, Alberto and Carla Garcia, were named as suspects in her death and charged with first degree murder. But they were on the run, somewhere in Mexico, so there has been no trial. The US FBI finally caught up with them in Mexico last week and is now working to extradite them to California to stand trial.

Quoted from Serenity Gandara’s Grandmother Speaks Out Against CPS and Foster Parent Abuses, Advocates Grandparents’ Rights:

The Kern County medical examiner has reported that Bakersfield foster child Serenity Gandara, a 3-year-old girl living in the home of relatives, was found dead on the living room floor of the home on July 18, 2010. Blunt-force trauma injuries are named as the cause of death.

Grandmothers Maria Garcia and Renee Maese both state that other relatives wanted to care for Serenity and her abandoned brother Isaiah. Isaiah is still alive, but was found with injuries consistent with ongoing physical child abuse. Kern County CPS refused to place the kids with other relatives, preferring to leave them with Albert and Carla Garcia despite child abuse complaints by multiple relatives including both grandmothers.

Any child’s death is disturbing. But what is particularly vexing about this case is that Kern County CPS had evidence and warnings from other family members that Serenity and her older brother were in danger. Instead of moving the children to a safer home with capable relatives, they colluded with the foster parents to prevent other family members, such as grandmother Renee Masse, from having access to the kids. That put a stop to the complaints over their care, but is probably also a significant part of why Serenity died and her brother was abandoned in the home with her dead body.

In my view, Kern County CPS, some of the social workers, and the US Federal Government should be on trial as co-defendants with Alberto and Carla Garcia for the wrongful death of Serenity Gandara. All too often, CPS agencies rip children out of homes in which they are not in any real danger and place the kids in even worse homes. The social workers and government didn’t inflict the killing blow in this case, but they set up the situation that resulted in the child’s death.

Federal Title IV grants reward local governments for these abuses. It’s game of “seize a child, earn your paycheck” in which it doesn’t matter if the child is being hurt, what matters is that “services were provided” so US taxpayers’ funds will be forked over the the local government for reimbursement. The US government has completely failed to institute any effective oversight for abuses by state and local governments that it is funding. As a result, it is blindly financing child abuse and violation of civil and family rights that were significant factors in the death of Serenity Gandara.

These problems go back decades, they result in widespread violations of civil rights and deaths of children, and despite that, Uncle Sam has done nothing to solve it. Instead, it just keeps forking over more money to the same abusive government agencies that are the problem. Social workers are given immunity, victims are pummeled to ruin so they can’t sue their abusers in government, and the Feds pay for it. In my view, the US government is funding terrorism against American families that does far more damage to its victims than that caused by the terrorists the Feds have the US military fighting all around the world. I hope that Serenity’s sad ending will help more Americans understand that their government has become a deadly big problem and reform is badly needed.

More on Serenity Gandara’s Death

Foster parents arrested in Mexico for Bakersfield toddler’s death

Couple accused in toddler’s death found in Mexico

Serenity Gandara’s Grandmother Speaks Out Against CPS and Foster Parent Abuses, Advocates Grandparents’ Rights

Los Angeles DCFS (CPS) Employee Arrested by LAPD for Prostitution

March 9th, 2012 3 comments

Los Angeles Police Department recently ran a prostitution sting operation with its officers posing as prostitutes. As Crackdown on prostitution in Sun Valley leads to 16 arrests reports, the most interesting arrest on-duty Los Angeles County employee Mark Anthony Moton who works for DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services). Police say he was driving a county car while propositioning an undercover cop posing as a prostitute.

Quoted from Prostitution sting in Sun Valley nets 34 arrests in 20 hours:

Among those arrested was Mark Anthony Moton, a human services aide at the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services. As part of his job, Moton has frequent interaction with both parents and children, according to DCFS spokesman Armand Montiel.

Citing agency rules, Montiel said he couldn’t comment on Moton’s current employee status. But in most cases like this, individuals are suspended during an investigation, he said.

County Supervisor Michael Antonovich said if the LAPD’s allegations are true, Moton should face immediate termination.

“It is very disconcerting for a DCFS employee – especially one who interacts directly with children – to be engaged in this type of criminal activity,” Antonovich said in a statement.

If DCFS employs people who allegedly engage in illegal sex trade as it appears by this arrest, can you really trust that your kids won’t be abused or used by a DCFS employee? Don’t let your child be alone with anybody from DCFS, CPS, or similar agencies.

More Stories Involving California “Child Protection” Agencies

Alleged Killers, the Foster Parents of Victim 3 Year Old Serenity Gandara, Captured in Mexico

Serenity Gandara’s Grandmother Speaks Out Against CPS and Foster Parent Abuses, Advocates Grandparents’ Rights

Eileen Lasher on San Diego CPS/Family Law Court Misconduct

San Diego County Grand Jury Cites Further CPS Misconduct

Custody Dispute Involves Child in Alleged Murder Attempt on Father’s Family By Mother Toni Valentin, Boyfriend Dante Quezada

Santa Clara County False Child Sex Abuse Scandal