Many Domestic Violence Temporary Restraining Orders (DV TRO) in the US are Falsely ObtainedWritten by: Chris Print This Article
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It’s quite possible that many of the filings for Domestic Violence Temporary Restraining Orders (DV TRO — also known as DV protective orders) in the US are based upon false claims and are stunts to persecute a spouse and/or bolster a child custody case.
A TRO is supposed to be used as a protective shield from harm, not as a sword to harm another. People who falsely obtain a TRO should be subjected to punishment for perjury and harassment. (See our previous article Restraining Order 911 for discussion about falsely obtained restraining orders.) Unfortunately, this seldom happens. As a result, the courts in the US frequently enable and encourage the filing of false TRO requests.
People Who Really Need a DV TRO Often Hesitate to Obtain Them
What is particularly upsetting, however, is that many people who really do need a DV TRO to protect them and their children from an abusive (and often mentally deranged) spouse don’t have them. Instead, they endure daily abuses including emotional and verbal abuse and threats of false police reports that are used to control and dominate them. Some also suffer from physical violence.
Yet these people who are real victims of domestic violence often won’t file for a TRO to protect themselves. The reasons they often give are that they want to keep the family intact or that they are men and don’t think the courts will believe a wife can be abusive.
Abused males are often so used to being emotionally beaten up and threatened that they just learn to live with it, hoping it won’t get any worse. Men often fear being falsely blamed for abuse and being separated from their children if they call the police, so they tolerate the abuse instead. They allow themselves (and perhaps their children) to be terrorized and controlled by an abusive spouse because they fear the alternatives are worse.
Effect of Abusive Environment on Children
The children in the household see the abuses happening and are harmed by growing up in a home in which they observe that the way relationships work is for one party to terrorize and dominate using threats and violence. Exposing children to this kind of situation in and of itself is regarded as emotional child abuse. Such children are likely to learn to become domestic violence abusers themselves in their own future relationships.
This post is written particularly for men and children abused by a female who behaves like the “Family Terrorist” described by Erin Pizzey in her writings. Such abusive women are often victims of child abuse and mentally ill, often with personality disorders or other severe and untreated mental disorders. Abused males are often so used to being emotionally beaten up and threatened that they just learn to live with it, hoping it won’t get any worse. In part they are in fear of being falsely blamed for abuse if they call the police, so they just tolerate it. The reality is that they are at significant risk of it getting worse. And if the abusive party decides to file for her own TRO first in order to further dominate and control him and to exclude him from their children’s lives, they are at a big disadvantage thereafter.
Advantage of First to File for DV TRO
The first to file for a restraining order is at an advantage. The court presumes the allegations made are true, and acts upon them usually without a shred of evidence. Judges usually issue TROs without proof. In my personal view, this is a miscarriage of justice and a violation of the US Constitution due process provisions, but it is how the system actually works.
Men are at a disadvantage already because of their gender and how the courts wrongly treat men with stereotypical biases and reward abusive women for misusing the courts and law enforcement. This is all the more likely to happen to men who don’t file for a TRO first, before an abusive spouse beats them to the punch.
If your spouse is violent and/or making threats every day and you are scared, consider going to court ex-parte and getting a DV TRO with a kick-out order. This will force your spouse out of the home, away from you and the children that she abuses.
Often this kind of filing is a stunt pulled by an abusive woman to bolster her custody battle or to punish her husband for not doing what she wants. But if you are being abused and are scared of her, it is an appropriate use of a temporary restraining order.