The October 3, 2008, episode of Dr. Phil covered the topic of parental alienation. Here’s a link to information and video excerpts from the episode.
Dr. Phil: “Brainwashed by My Parents”
Also, here’s a video on Parental Alienation for our readers in United Kingdom where there is no formal legal recognition of parental alienation:
Massachusetts family law courts routinely violate the state’s laws requiring the state to pay for Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) representation for children. The position of GAL is much like so-called “minor’s counsel” in many other states. Parties filling these roles are to look out for the interest of minor children by such actions as investigating abuse claims, working with psychotherapists to ensure that parents and children will receive treatment necessary for the well-being of the children, and other such tasks.
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(Click here for more coverage on parental alienation.)
Parental alienation involves the persistent behavior of an alienating parent making a strong effort to cause the children to hate the target parent. Bad-mouthing the target parent in the presence of the children is nearly always involved. But it is not just occasional — it is a consistent pattern. Often the alienating parent will recruit other people to join in bad-mouthing the target parent. What these people likely fail to realize is that they are committing emotional child abuse.
Parental alienation is a huge problem, especially in divorce cases involving personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. When parental alienation is involved in personality disordered divorce cases, it can often include the alienating parent fabricating child abuse allegations and training the children to repeat them. Even if it doesn’t succeed at making the children hate the target parent, such tactics can literally land the target parent in jail and bankrupt him or her with legal fees mounting a defense against false allegations.
We stumbled across the web site mentioned below in this posting that offers literally dozens of links to very good information on parental alienation (also known as “Hostile Aggressive Parenting”) and PAS (Parental Alienation Synrome). If you’re interesting in learning more about these topics, the reading could keep you busy learning for hours.
Click this link for more information:
F.A.C.T. Information: Parental Alienation
The way victims of Borderline Personality Disorder and similar personality disorders communicate is confusing and upsetting to many. If you’ve been living with such a person, you’ll find this animation to be a common, perhaps even a tame, version of things that often happen to you. If not, it may give you some insights into how miserable Borderlines can make the lives of their loved ones.
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Melinda Stratton of Sydney, Australia, has abducted her 4 year old son Andrew Thompson and fled Australia to go into hiding. She was unhappy her son was seeing his father at all even in supervised visitation because she claimed he was an unfit parent. She made allegations against him that were investigated and dismissed, making this look like yet another case of a parental alienator bent on using any means to prevent a child from having contact with the other parent.
Stratton fled to Germany with Andrew in April 2008. Her current whereabouts are unknown.
On January 15, 2009, she recently wrote a letter stating that she claims “the appalling failure of the Family Law Court and Child Protection Services” is why she’s run away with the child. She claims that he’s an unfit father because of depression and anxiety. He denies that he suffers from these mental illnesses. Even if he did, depression and anxiety are very common especially during divorce and hardly justify a parent being judged as unfit unless they are unusually severe.
If so, you’re in quite a bit of company. 86% of parents swear in front of children according to a recent poll of 3,000 kids aged 11 years. And they do it on average 6 times per week.
Biological parents are not likely to sexually abuse their own children. But in recent decades, there has been an epidemic of false sexual abuse claims against biological parents. This epidemic started in earnest along with changes in laws and policies to allow fathers to have partial or full custody of children after a divorce.
The false claims of sexual abuse may be made by either parent. However, they are more common coming from mothers trying any method they can to prevent the children’s fathers from having contact, custody, and/or visitation with the children. This is a despicable strategy related to parental alienation. It is also particularly effective because of societal taboos and the difficulty of proving innocence of a crime which according to the false accuser was seen by nobody but the alleged perpetrator and a small child (who may not even be able to talk!) and of which there is frequently no physical evidence because the false reports are made about false incidents which supposedly occurred weeks or months earlier.
The San Diego County Grand Jury conducted years of investigations into misconduct of San Diego County DSS and CPS and their social workers. Despite overwhelming evidence of a routine pattern of misconduct and government abuse of power, the problems have not stopped even years later. This letter from the San Diego County Grand Jury in 1992 explains the problems well. Sadly, nothing much has changed other than the name of the agency, now called Child Welfare Services. The children and families, particularly the fathers, continue to pay the high price of lives damaged and destroyed by San Diego County Child Welfare Services.
In the early to mid 1990’s, there was a push to force CPS agencies to behave according to due process and to be accountable for their misconduct. This was only partly successful. Although the extreme atrocities of the Alicia Wade and Dale Akiki cases are now less common, CPS continues to abuse its power and acts with incompetence, irresponsibility, and impunity ruining the lives of children and their parents without due process.
Swedish mother Ann-Louise Valette is wanted on child abduction charges for the parental kidnapping of her sons Frank and Andre. She is believed to have been hiding them in Sweden, but it is not certain if they are still there as Swedish police have been unable to locate them. Valette violated court orders to put the boys on an October 9, 2008, airplane flight to return them to their father in Melbourne, Australia.
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Andre Nicholas Valette age 9 (left) and Frank Oliver Valette age 11 (center) have been missing since they visited their mother Ann-Louise Valette (right) in Sweden. |
Being A Good Parent
As parents, we are responsible for caring for our helpless little newborns from birth through growingly capable toddler years all the way up to teenagers and young adults. For some of us, that care extends into adult years as our children encounter severe accidents and illnesses and possibly formerly unimaginable crises.
Sometimes we may sugar-coat an injury or illness to a child, trying to help him or her recover from feeling so badly a little more quickly. We hope the tears might stop a little sooner if we say “that bump doesn’t hurt so much!” when they fall down on the sidewalk and get a little scrape. Amazingly, it often works. Kids learn from their parents to brush off the small injuries, so long as we avoid teaching them that every little malady is a earth-shaking crisis and instead show them that yes, it might hurt, but it will go away faster if we don’t dwell on it.
Some of us have the misfortune of going through divorces or separations. To look out for our kids’ interests, we share custody of our children. Good parents put the children first. Suzy might get sick with the flu, and we share the temperature, medications, and other medical advice with our co-parent. Johnny might break an arm on the playground, and we share the news promptly along with care directions with our co-parent. Or at least most of us would do that, if we truly care about our children.
But Some Parents Can’t Or Won’t Be Good
But not all co-parents do this. Some simply lie about medical care, trying to hide any little problem the children may have. They go so far as to refuse to answer questions about injuries and illnesses, make doctor’s appointments to “prove” the other parent was wrong about an illness, and refuse to pass along medications. When confronted with proof of their egregious behaviors, then they lie even more in the ongoing attempt to over it all up.
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