Kids benefit from having two healthy parents who can focus on the children’s developmental needs and a healthy family life. Too often, the courts and government set up situations in which parents are encouraged to pursue sole custody and cut the other parent out of the children’s life. That parent is then forced into traumatic battles over just being able to see the children.
Sometimes one or both parents in such a battle degenerate into horrible monsters because of how their child custody disputes are being mishandled. Courts and government agencies fan the flames and encourage bad behaviors which often lead to years of continuing or even escalating conflict.
Often parents who refuse to share their kids with the other parent abduct or even kill the children when they do not get their way. Sometimes, they enrage the other parent with abuse causing him or her to eventually crack and to start using the kids as weapons of revenge just like the originally selfish parent.
Father Murdered Child To Get Revenge On Mother For Child Access Blocking
As an example of parental custody disputes leading to child murders, here’s a story about Ramazon Acar of Australia.
Acar was often prevented from seeing his daughter by her mother. After some time, he was fortunate enough to occasionally get to see his 2 year old daughter Yazmina Acar. Reportedly this was an unusual occurrence. He said he was going to take the child to what has been variously described as a nearby “candy shop” or “milk bar”.
Instead, he kept the child with him as he proceeded to taunt her mother, Rachelle D’Argent, over Facebook about how he was going to kill the girl. This wasn’t just an unfortunate choice of words or even an evil joke. He stabbed the child to death and then continued to write on Facebook about what he had just done.
Why would he do this? He says it was to get revenge on D’Argent, with the intention of making her feel like she had made him feel when she blocked him from seeing their child.
Like so many parents who murder their kids, he says he also wanted to kill himself but could not do it.
This man didn’t just kill a baby and break a mother’s heart. He hurt a lot of other people in the process.
He stabbed in the back the many fathers who merely want to have reasonable time with their kids and would never do anything remotely like his crime.
He slashed at the hopes of the many children who are suffering from being deprived of time with one parent or who are forced to endure an abusive childhood because of an irate parent who has sole or primary custody and refuses to treat the kids and the ex reasonably.
Acar also has encouraged the paranoid fears of many mentally ill mothers who are already acting horribly in regards to their children and ex, encouraging them to act even worse than they already do. You see these people often spouting off about how “all fathers” are bad evil people who should never see their children again. What Acar did pushes even more people into supporting these abusive nutcases.
The mother, while clearly a victim here, is reportedly not entirely innocent in all of this. It appears her actions are part of what drove this psychopathic man’s destructiveness. The murderous father pointed out how she had ripped him out of their child’s life and this motivated him to get back at her using their child in an even worse way than she had done.
Quoted from Ramazan Acar jailed for life over murder of daughter Yazmina :
Acar told police: “She took that kid away from me and I went through hell. She won’t understand what I went through, like, I wanted her to feel it.”
Unquestionably the father in this case is the more sick and evil of the two. Murder is obviously worse than the crime of wrongfully depriving a child of a parent, if that is what the mother had been doing.
In this case, it is possible the mother had legitimate reasons to be fearful of the possible results of contact between the father and the child. He had been convicted of assaulting her.
Yet we also know that there are many provably false accusations made as attacks during child custody battles and other arguments between men and women. There are many false convictions based upon these false allegations, too. Given her eventual willingness to hand over the girl to her father despite the conviction, one wonders what had really transpired between D’Argent and Acar.
New Approaches Needed to Encourage Peaceful Responsible Shared Parenting
It is not clear what course of action might have best averted this tragedy. It does appear that a key factor in the murder was the unresolved conflict between the parents being fanned by a system that frequently leaves one parent feeling treated very unfairly with no way out.
Society needs to move away from sole and primary custody models that quickly rip one parent out of the family picture before there is adequate reason or even an opportunity to be heard in court. It also needs to develop conflict resolution procedures that leave people with some reasonable hope for a better future and provides a roadmap for them to follow to arrive at that brighter future.
The system we have now frequently pushes perfectly good people to despair and the the brink of suicide. This system also pushes more troubled people like Acar to murder or murder-suicide.
The reasons for such despair are many. Often they have to do with the vast difference between the government’s propaganda about a “justice” system that many people wrongly believe until they see what actually happens in that system. When they see the horror of how today’s family destruction system works, many become deeply frightened and even unstable as a result.
Even those who maintain their sanity in this system still feel a great deal of despair. It is frequently observed that the family courts reward proven liars with sole and primary custody. This make it very hard for anybody to trust the system or to have reasonable hope for a better future.
Such experiences build up a great deal of animosity and may push what might otherwise be nonviolent or mildly violent people into engaging in extremely violent responses. They know they will never be treated fairly once they see the system from the inside. They then reason they should not follow the rules and be civil because nobody else is doing that with them and often those who are violating their rights are wrongfully benefiting from their misconduct.
Extremely unfair court and government actions encourage extreme reactions. In the Acar case it was the father who was the child killer, but more often it is the mother or those associated with her who abuse or kill the kids:
According to the Administration for Children and Families of the U.S. Department of Health and Humans Services, year after year, mothers acting alone commit 40% of all child abuse and neglect in this country, twice what fathers commit. Add a boyfriend who’s not the father to the mix and the figure jumps to almost 60%.
Both genders have potential for murdering children. Rather than trying to claim one gender is better than the other or making blanket statements about all mothers or all fathers, we should be focused on finding new approaches to create a strong incentive to resolve conflicts rather than rewarding them. This could improve the outcomes for kids and parents of both genders.
It is long past time to recognize that government policies of discriminating against either gender or favoring either gender only creates more injustice and ultimately harm for almost everybody caught in the family law courts and related governmental systems. There need to be systems for encouraging peaceful resolutions of conflicts that are gender-balanced and seen as fair by the vast majority of people who are caught up in these systems. These systems must be designed to strongly encourage people to follow reasonable rules and be fair to each other without having to battle it out in court where the conflict is encouraged by the very nature of the adversarial system and the consequent damages grow inexorably worse.
Family law courts are set up with the intent of making the parties fight it out with hostility. Such an approach is intrinsically incapable of smoothing over conflicts and protecting the supposed “best interests of the children”.
Adversarial systems are designed to make winners and losers. In the case of the family courts, they make judges and lawyers and paid experts into winners and the parents and children into losers. This is why the courts refuse to change what they are doing. They are happy with the current system because it is a winning system for the sociopaths running it. But it is not good for anybody else. Usually one parent becomes the biggest loser, the children are often the next biggest losers, and the “winning” parent is also a loser but often does not realize it and thereby is encouraged to scheme to cause more trouble to help the courts and their agents “win” lucrative fees again and again.
Each step of the way, family law courts appear to operate with a goal of making money for the judges, lawyers, and paid experts as they push the parents to rip each other and their children to shreds through many long years of fighting. “Child protection” systems often do the same, although they may at times benefit a slightly different group of abusers in government.
Adversarial judicial and governmental policies consistently contribute to ruining the lives of children and parents alike. As the Acar case and many others show, they also leave a wake of needless wrongful deaths stemming from the doom and despair experienced by many parents and children who are caught in the machinations of the government’s family destruction systems. The victims of these systems are so desperate to find a way out that some, like Acar, even do so by killing their children or themselves. If this was a rare outcome, perhaps one could pin the blame entirely on the direct killers. But such outcomes are not all that rare, and thus blame must be placed on those running murderous systems who year after year fail to improve their outcomes despite the steady stream of wrongful deaths they are creating.