America’s Love Affair with Adultery

It’s the dawn of a new age. In America, it’s now socially acceptable for married people to not only intentionally seek out extramarital sexual affairs but even for businesses to promote and profit from them doing so. Seedy whorehouses and call-girl services now seem both outdated and out-of-touch as married women want to jump in the sack with men (or women) other than their spouses and can quickly hop on the web to help them quickly hop on top of their next sexual conquest.

While prostitution is still illegal in most of America, the legal business of adultery assistance now features high-tech entrepreneurs who legally make a profit helping their customers to initiate, arrange, and manage those extramarital affairs. AshleyMadison.com ^[1] is one of them which will help you do it. As I’m writing this article, they claim to have more than 26,000 members online “right now” and over 4 million members signed up. I’m not against profit, but as for this way of doing it — YUCK!

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Affairs Are Signs of Mental Illnesses

This new age is insane, literally. Affairs and sexual promiscuity are hallmarks of personality disordered individuals. While certainly not all of the extramaritally inclined don’t have personality disorders, having them repeatedly is the kind of misconduct done by mentally ill people like the Borderline wife who screws around while she’s several months pregnant and the Narcissist husband who can’t keep his eyes off of porn and his hands out of other women’s pants, or his own for that matter. Now such people are being regarded as normal. America has become a Borderline / Narcissist nation.

As the new book The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement ^[4] points out, America has a culture of narcissism. Bizarre selfish behaviors are celebrated and are interpreted as encouragement for others to do the same. Pop culture like this spreads mental illness like a communicable disease.

Even if you are not personality disordered, having an affair points to signs of something being very wrong with your mental health. Perhaps you are depressed. Or possibly you’re abused by your Borderline or Narcissist spouse who emotionally invalidates you even on the best of days. Or maybe you’re addicted to being sexually aroused. All of these are causes involving mental illness. But whatever is the case, it still doesn’t make the affair acceptable.

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Affairs Hurt Kids

Affairs hurt children. The ways they hurt them vary all over the map. For one, an affair may literally kill a child. Sex-crazed psychos may be too busy jumping in bed with each other to avoid catching a deadly sexually transmitted disease and passing it on to an unborn child. Even STDs not fatal to adults can be lethal for babies. A mother who catches herpes in her third trimester is highly likely to end up with a dead or severely damaged baby. AIDS is also a distinct risk. These risks are all shared with spouses, usually without their knowledge. The husband who screws around, catches an STD, and risks passing it along to his pregnant wife has committed both spousal and child endangerment. The mother who does similarly is just as guilty. These behaviors should be treated as crimes of child abuse and domestic violence, perhaps in some cases even as forms of manslaughter-style homicide when they result directly in the death of a baby or spouse.

Even if irresponsible parents don’t manage to literally kill a baby via their infidelities, they are likely to kill a family and psychologically damage their children. Children need both parents. They need to see a loving and responsible relationship between those parents, one built on trust and commitment. Affairs shatter all of that, and make the world a less stable and more frightening place for developing young minds. Divorce is harmful to kids, and affairs as a rule tend to strongly push families in the direction of divorce.

Affairs are universally bad, but not all affairs are equally bad. The ones in families that have children are exponentially worse as the children will be badly affected by it. Parents who have affairs apparently don’t care much about their children. The idea that infidelity should be banned from discussion in divorces and child custody is nutty. A parent who has had an affair during a pregnancy has essentially committed child endangerment. Parents who have affairs after pregnancy while the children are still minors have put their own lust at a higher priority than the mental well-being of their children. It’s at a minimum a form of child neglect.

The least bad of the bunch is to have an affair after the kids are all adults. But the children will still hear loudly and clearly that their adulterous parent didn’t honor the marriage or the other parent enough to first go through a solid attempt to repair the marriage and when that failed then to end it on a respectful note. It’s a poor example, but perhaps they will be old enough to see that for themselves without too much devastation.

Leaders Who Have Affairs Don’t Care About Their Families or Yours

It should come as no surprise that the politicians and cultural icons doing the mentally ill extramarital mambo are the same ones with the anti-family agendas who are willing to destroy other people’s families. They do it for their own political gain via means spanning sexist gender politics that denigrate fathers to zero-tolerance prosecutions that effectively criminalize children for bringing plastic knives to school in their lunches. They don’t care if they destroy their own family, so why would they care if they destroy yours?

Marketing adultery for profit is immoral, unethical, and abusive of children and society. While I’m not generally in favor of government regulation as government power tends to be abusive as a rule, one has to ponder why are cigarette advertising and sales strictly regulated because of harm to children but adultery advertising and sales are not regulated?

The answer to that question probably lies with the American political elite. The sex-craved and morally depraved politicians of our land, from Bill Clinton to John Edwards to Eliot Spitzer to Mark Sanford, happily engage in these destructive behaviors, excuse themselves with tearful and disingenuous performances. They legitimize dishonesty, infidelity, and harming their own families. Instead of an affair being a shameful event, today it is often a frenzied media spectacle that might actually boost a scummy politician’s polls.

Is it any wonder with so many Presidents and Governors and other political icons who can’t keep a commitment to their spouses and families that we have a political class which can’t keep its commitments to the citizens, children, and Constitution of this country?

Narcissistic perversion isn’t limited to politicians. As the new book The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism Is Seducing America ^[5] explains, American and Western celebrities such as Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Amy Winehouse market self-centered and destructive behaviors to our children for their own benefit. Our media elite helps them do it for their own gain. They have turned mental illness such as narcissism, substance abuse, and violence into plagues spread willingly, enthusiastically, and without physical contact by means of electronic and print media. In a society like this, it is no wonder that many responsible parents consider home-schooling or other measures to try to keep their children safe from destructive perversions.

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America is Morally and Ethically Bankrupt

America is not just an economically broken nation, it is a morally and ethically bankrupt nation. Americans spend so much time in holier-than-thou parading and masquerading to hide their true natures. They pick leaders who do the same, voting for spin over substance. The result is seismically destructive shifts in the foundations of our society, as mental illness leads to irresponsibility, divorce, child abuse, false allegations in custody battles, parental alienation, and a range of other ills.

You might think I’m a right-wing Christian for writing the above, but I’m not. Truth be known, I don’t think highly of most people who identify themselves as Christians as they are a disgrace to the ideals espoused by Jesus Christ. I actually do know a few Christians that are admirable people, but sadly too many of their religious associates are more aptly described as reprehensible. Many right-wing Christians behave in manners as deceitful or worse than their left-wing or atheist contemporaries. They just tend to be more self-righteous about it, pretending that God has somehow authorized their infidelities or will forgive them. “Praise Jesus, the forgiver of all my sins!” is their motto to cover for their continued extramarital affairs.

We as a nation may debate and berate each other over abortion, gay marriage, gun control, affirmative action, and other issues to which we attribute ethical and moral values and contribute political campaign dollars. Yet this nation doesn’t seem to put much priority on preserving the integrity of our families for the benefit of our children. You can’t build a skyscraper out of crumbling grains of sand, and you can’t build a great nation out of self-absorbed narcissistic and emotionally insecure individuals regardless of their self-professed religious affiliations. Without intact functional families to raise altruistic emotionally mature citizens, society inevitably falls apart as everybody is out for themselves.

Parents Should Put Children First

If you’re a parent, put your children first. Stop it with the affairs. Show your children how to be responsible. Show them that there are rules and morals and ethics that should be abided regardless of the laws. If you make a mistake, admit it and take responsibility for it rather than rationalizing it away. Set an example, and create a stable and nuturing environment for your children. They, their future children, our nation, and the world will be better for it.

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Further Reading

Rationalization of Affairs: A Sign of Personal Moral Confusion ^[6]

Cheating 2.0: New Mobile Apps Make Adultery Easier ^[7]

Is There Hope for the American Marriage? ^[8]

Who Cares About a Politician’s Affair? ^[9]