[1]Ron Lasorsa was a victim of a false restraining order. He fought the divorce system and founded the Kids Come First Coalition to help other fathers fight false restraining orders and false abuse allegations. He’s offering a free e-book, a blog, informative videos, and other information at his website Restraining Order 911 [1].
It’s common knowledge in the legal community that restraining orders are obtained wrongly on an everyday basis. Judges issue insane restraining orders without even a shred of evidence. Even David Letterman [2] has been victimized by a false restraining order. A bizarre New Mexico woman named Colleen Nestler [3] claimed he was psychologically abusing her through the television set using coded messages. Judge Daniel Sanchez wrongly issued the order against Letterman with no evidence.
Unlike most of us, David Letterman has vast financial resources and legal help ready to fight frivolous and abusive litigation such as Colleen Nestler’s restraining order. Most victims of false restraining orders, or “Orders of Protection” as they are called in some states, are not so lucky.
A basic civil restraining order can quash your freedom of speech, ban you from visiting locations you have frequented, and get you arrested and thrown in jail. You become a quasi-criminal in the eyes of the courts and law enforcement. Such orders are routinely issued without any notice to the defending party to appear in court to defend against them. It is likely the first you will hear about having a restraining order slapped on you is when law enforcement comes to your home or workplace to serve you with the restraining order papers.
During divorce proceedings, restraining orders are even more common. They are frequently used by abusive and controlling parents to get a de facto ruling for child custody and use of the home without opposition. Many temporary restraining orders are issued without any chance for the accused to even appear in court, let alone mount a defense.
This often results in a lying spouse falsely claiming violence or fear with little or no evidence having the other spouse kicked out of their home, banned from seeing their children, and living under the threat of arrest by the police if the abused spouse so much as tries to call the children on the telephone to say hello. It is likely that the person who has obtained the restraining order against you will spread the news of it far and wide, using it to portray you as a violent and dangerous person and to gain allies to support the position that you should have no custody of your children.
Family Law News [4], a publication of the State Bar of California Family Law Section, recently explained:
Protective orders are increasingly being used in family law cases to help one side jockey for an advantage in child custody…[they are] almost routinely issued by the court in family law proceedings even when there is relatively meager evidence and usually without notice to the restrained person….it is troubling that they appear to be sought more and more frequently for retaliation and litigation purposes.
Let’s be clear: any parent who files a restraining order to gain 100% custody of children and block contact with the children using false allegations is not only a liar, but worse is a child abuser. Blocking access to children and making false accusations against a parent are tactics used by people committing parental alienation [5], an acknowledged form of emotional child abuse. This is exactly what plaintiffs who falsely obtain restraining orders to keep the other parent from seeing the children are doing.
The way restraining orders work in the United States is for all purposes a violation of the US Constitution [6]. You are presumed guilty until proven innocent, are punished without a trial, have no right to face your accuser in court prior to your punishment, and often do not get a speedy trial, either. You can end up listed in state and federal databases as a spousal abuser or child abuser, all without any trial or proof.
If you make the mistake of not showing up to defend yourself, thinking that you don’t want to see that nasty party who lied to get the restraining order anyway, you may find out that you will no longer be allowed to see your children, can’t get your property back, and can end up paying to maintain a home in which you cannot live or even approach without the nasty ex calling the police to have you arrested. In short, a restraining order can destroy your life and the lives of your children in short order.
Under the California Domestic Violence Prevention Act of 1994, even if you have never been charged or prosecuted for domestic violence, you can end up permanently losing the custody of your children and either have no contact or be forced to use expensive “supervised visitation centers” that often cost more per hour than the “client” (that’s what they call the person forced to use them) makes.
All it takes for this to happen is for a family law court with its weak “preponderance of evidence [7]” standards to find that you the accused committed an act of domestic violence. People who have jobs related to children or law enforcement may lose their jobs. Immigrants may be kicked out of the country. These are all very serious consequences being decided by family law courts in which perjury is commonplace and judges routinely fail to read court filings and violate due process and court rules while applying appallingly weak judicial standards.
Some progress is being made at correcting the miscarriage of justice caused by falsely obtained restraining orders. A recent New Jersey court ruling (see NJ Restraining Order Ruling Will Curb False Claims [8]) held the “preponderance of evidence” standard specified by the state’s Domestic Violence Prevention Act to be unconstitutional. The ruling specifies that the “clear and convincing evidence [9]” standard applicable in many (but not all) civil courts must be used. This is not as strict as the “beyond reasonable doubt [10]” standard applied in criminal court, but is certainly an improvement.
[1]
18 Comments To "Restraining Order 911"
#1 Pingback By Minnesota Reviews Child Custody Laws | angiemedia On January 29, 2009 @ 8:56 pm
[…] that one parent tries to falsely make the other out to be an abuser. The epidemic of false restraining orders, especially in family law cases, makes it clear that some parents are using false domestic violence […]
#2 Comment By Reader On February 5, 2009 @ 7:41 pm
Wow, that article is crazy and true. My psycho mom did sh*t like to my poor dad when they divorced (I was too young to know what was going on)
She made up so much crap about my dad, claiming ‘fear’, ‘abuse’, etc…She even called him a child molester, which was total BS. It was to the point where my old, decrepit grandparents were made to drive 2 hours to pick us up for visitation and drive us back (my dad wasn’t allowed in the town she lived in and she’d never drive to meet them; us being me and my siblings).
She’d make up lies/excuses why my dad couldn’t have us for a weekend, all the while we were a burden to her. She use to lock us out of the house during summer vacations and weekends, leave PB&J sandwiches on the porch, and not let us in till bedtime. She made us go to bed at 6pm, all through even middle school.
She’s insane and DSS people should have been testing her not my poor dad-She beat the sh*t out of us! Once she even bit my face when I was 10 because I ran the sink water too long while brushing my teeth. It made a bad mark with a little blood and a huge bruise so she kept me home from school for a week so teachers wouldn’t see. It’s f*cked up.
She never cared about us, but she’d do anything to piss off my dad. We loved seeing dad because we did regular family shit with us-You know, pick nicks, visit the park, go to the beach, see a movie or museum exhibit. My mom just got drunk and beat us constantly.
Well, some people are toxic. As an adult, I have no relationship with my psycho mom whatsoever, and love my dad so much! She ruined his life for no reason, and caused a lot of trauma for us from her diluted crusade.
F*ck crazy people and their restraining orders!
#3 Pingback By Talking with a Borderline | angiemedia On March 17, 2009 @ 8:00 pm
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#5 Pingback By USA – Angiemedia – The Problems with No Fault Divorce « Equal Parenting @ Ration Shed On April 17, 2009 @ 7:39 pm
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#6 Pingback By Filing for DV TRO Against Abusive Spouse | angiemedia On April 21, 2009 @ 12:10 am
[…] TROs should be subjected to punishment for perjury and harassment. (See our previous article Restraining Order 911 for discussion about falsely obtained restraining orders.) Unfortunately, this seldom happens. As a […]
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#10 Pingback By How to File For a DV TRO (Domestic Violence Temporary Restraining Order) in California | angiEmedia On June 3, 2009 @ 9:30 pm
[…] Restraining Order 911 […]
#11 Pingback By Defending Against False Child Sexual Abuse Allegations (Part 1) | angiEmedia On August 13, 2009 @ 4:35 am
[…] See Many Domestic Violence Temporary Restraining Orders (DV TRO) in the US are Falsely Obtained and Restraining Order 911 for further […]
#12 Comment By shawn On March 12, 2010 @ 12:41 am
The YWCA has a big role in the legal system. They are located in Washington D.C. and the goverment funds them. They get paid to help pass Laws that influence the court to prejudice fathers. The more protection orders they hand out every year the more funds they get. All they have to do is make it easer for liars to qualify for a protection order, and walla! looks more like a crises statistically therfore they recieve more money and power.
#13 Comment By shawn On March 12, 2010 @ 12:46 am
Eliminating PAS
Empowering Fathers!
Psychologist and Fathers Rights org’s are working hard to bring relief and justice. Be strong fathers, Be an advocate. May God bless our children……
#14 Comment By Mandi Lynn On July 9, 2010 @ 12:17 pm
I am the mother in a situation like this! I have had my children thier whole lives. Their father had paid no child support (which I never really cared) and has been very part time as far as visiting. He took my kids one weekend for visitation and filed an OFP and it was granted for 2 years!!! All because he wants to get married and they don’t want to have to pay me! I haven’t seen my babies in 3 months and I will be missing my daughter’s birthday. It was court ordered that I take anger management and parenting classes. How can a “deadbeat dad” justs go and do this to us, why would he rip our children away from me, especially since for the past 2 years I have been telling him to get the papers for joint custody and I will sign off on the arrears.
But you are right, any help that I could possibly get is very expensive and there are no organizations to help the “abuser”…that is the label I have obtained. I can no longer take care of seniors, or work at daycares. I keep hitting brick wall after brick wall, and Minnesota is for the most part, a mothers’ state. What went wrong here? I am still in shock. What can I do if I am not “rich”?
#15 Comment By janet millar On June 14, 2012 @ 11:26 am
i need to know what can be done about a person filing a false restraining order on another person. can this person be thrown in jail
#16 Comment By janet millar On June 14, 2012 @ 11:28 am
please email me back @ [11] for a response on this matter. thanks so much.
#17 Comment By Rob On June 14, 2012 @ 11:01 pm
[12]
When a court grants a false restraining order, it in essence is saying it believes the false accuser and the police should, too.
The person named as the restrained party can then be arrested for even ordinary things such as calling his or her children on the phone or visiting their school even when the contact is peaceful and reasonable.
The false accuser should be subjected to perjury charges by the DA and the restraining order should be rescinded, but this is uncommon. This is part of why it is so important to fight any attempt to get a restraining order on you because once there is one on you, you are regarded as a criminal for doing ordinary safe, nonviolent, and reasonable things.
#18 Comment By Helen Poynterhelen On December 24, 2013 @ 7:26 pm
I was not being allowed to see my 2 grandsons due to marital problems between my son and daughter in law. I filed for gandparent rights and they put a restraining order against me. I would bike by their house in order to try to see the boys after being verbally abused 2 times in front of the boys when I went to their home. Documentation of dates on the restraining order shows intermittent times in a 2 month period that I rode by. I am a Pediatric RN and identify clinical and pathological issues of depression, paranoia, anger going on with my son and daughter in law who are both obese. I am concerned about the boys, who I have been with since birth. My heart is in grief. I am not allowed within 300 yards of the boys. There is no reason for this, other than their depression, anger and paranoia. I have a K-12 School Nurse Certificate. I live in Milwaukee WI and am planning an appeal. How can you help me?